First Steps to Solvency

Four_Seasons

You are working so hard congratulations on day 37.  I am so disappointed at your wife's attitude I have to agree with other posters she definitely needs a hard dose of reality - I would talk to FIL and perhaps ask for his support he must see how hard you are working.  Take her name off the cards treat her like the child she is acting its no good just threatening to do it - if she lies on the floor and kicks her heels and sulks as children do just ignore her!  Keep going with the good works we are all cheering you on.

MovingForwards

That bag cost more than my take-home pay. I hope you do stand firm and remove her name from the cards, she's doing it out of spite and I would be making her take it back.

I would also drop it into conversation around FIL while at CP. Either ask why she didn't bring it as it cost £1.5 / £1.6k or why she did bring it when the £1.5 / £1.6k bag is at risk of getting damaged.

efes_shareholder

She may feel a restriction is a punishment but if she can't keep to the boundaries set sometimes they have to be re established or forced upon us ! 
All that money on a bag is just insane and has quite likely really vexed you and rightly so 
She solves one problem ie cars and then creates another 
Take her off the cards , give her a pre paid one which is already a generous amount and tell her any more she can earn herself .......... she had the opportunity with the nail clients but decided to help someone else's household other then her own
Keep yourself on track , dont let this trigger you and just stay out of her way and stick with your son keeping busy.

Legs21

I can’t see that there’s any punishment for her going overboard with the spending so why would she stop? As she’s already gone over her spends for the year she either takes\sends the stuff back or you take the cards off her. Your spending card probably has a high credit limit, so lower it so these kinds of extravagant purchases cant be made as the card would decline. 

RelievedSheff

Tell her to send the bag back. She can have it when she earns the money.

theoretica

How does your wife's selling her stuff match up with her spending?  I hope that even if she is not financially contributing to the family, her 'stuff' is at least breaking even by that measure.  I think I have said before that she sounds bored to me - centring her life around a manufactured TV entertainment show? 

I am sorry for what your sister said to you - it must be hard, and is particularly illogical as you are working so hard now to recover and she seems not to have thought you a bad influence before you acknowledged your addiction.  I hope she will come round soon.  Quite possibly she is feeling guilt herself at not realising much earlier and responding to that badly.

ayupmeduck

alt80 said:

Thanks both. Plan this evening to get a bit further on the plans for rest of this year/ June. 

In other news my MP is the 23 year old girl who’s gone off on post traumatic stress fml. I !!!!!! despair at the places that border my part of the city and I end up sharing a parliamentary constituency with lol. Already had a message from my BIL £650k to border !!!!!! St Ann’s to one side and Forest Fields to the other fml haha he thinks it’s !!!!!! hilarious have to laugh or I’d !!!!!! cry lol. Apologies for those not from around here but know there’s a few who’ll find it amusing.

@RelievedSheff haha I’m getting to an age the years fly by but I can’t say I really want them too don’t wish my life away ha.

lol Surprised there's house at the price that close to those areas lol

alt80

Cars done bit of a basic valet today but keeps me out of trouble ha. 

Yeah she’s sold more than she’s spent ultimately I know. It was agreed the sales come off the total then she tells me she’s having a break from all spending - clearly not the case. She needs to get back off IG tbh I’ve said to her it’s who she follows - they target ads etc to who she follows pretty sure that’s how it works. She started following gardening accounts she’d get ads for spades and grass seed etc. 

@ayupmeduck Haha you must be fairly local lol I’m based in Mapperley Park and there are plenty of houses worth more than mine is but we are essentially sandwiched in between some really rough areas. Pretty much always lived here since I graduated just in different houses ha but I am starting to wonder if I should get a bit further out of town over the next 5 years or so idk rn.

alt80

Limiting access to money for myself and a bit of time to think this afternoon also mention of everyday spends card limit (£12k currently). I need to cut this I think. Wife has access to a frankly ridiculous sum. I don’t through my own personal choice now but used to also. My current situation with access to money has ensured I think about what I’m spending. I have to and hope continuing to do this for a while will make me think when I have access to money again. My wife has always had access to large sums of money for practically all her adult life. She doesn’t get it. Had her sobbing all the way through most of this afternoon upset re IG and disappointed with herself about the spend. Told her it’s not to late to send back when arrives and I think we should both be on the £20 cash. We order food shop online so day to day it’s just petrol that needs to be bought with a card and think there’s a way around that with shell app I never quite bothered setting up properly - will look into it. 

Being on here has really allowed me to think about my actions tbh. Yeah I knew if I was honest with myself the majority of the country earns less than I do but in my head i chose to ignore that and purely look up at everything I dont have/ can’t afford rn etc. Not always been like I am. Explained to my Mrs I don’t want us to remain in this trap it’s the same one that leads me to do some really self destructive stuff when there 100% are better options. 

RelievedSheff

You are doing so well and if you can get through to your wife you will both be set up properly for life. 

It is a big change for you both. She is upset so she knows she has done wrong. 

Im sure you can both turn it around given time. 

I know I give it tough love but I can understand how hard change can be as well. 😀