First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Day 35 - got through it. Ready for bed now ha said I’d have an early night lol so no chance of slipping up now. Not been the easiest of days but I haven’t wanted to turn to the self destructive stuff. Nice feeling to realise I’ve got through the day wanting nothing other than to get through the day.

Has been a no spend day too and news about Greece are both things to smile about.

@MovingForwards it’s absolutely crazy does offset the cost of the Range Rover’s a bit haha. 

Had it tonight, her ranting on about when she met me she could have pulled Brad the labourer etc etc etc fml she sees some bloke she fancies on TV and here we !!!!!! go again lol.

Obviously day 35 is great even more so with the change in mindset to go with it, not sure what the wife is up to, she knows that her behaviour can be destructive and well done for resisting,  that has got to be hard and quite upsetting.

I wonder if reality is setting in and as long as you stay on path the days of just buying her stuff are over.....

Not sure what's  the best approach here, perhaps the pros do.

It could just be all BS from a bit of frustration from a reality check and all change today back to being supportive.

Maybe just ignore and let her rant but just carry on the path, pointing out at some point  it was agreed and she really should not be going back on those promises

I was going to suggest the silent treatment, take son out in the MG for the day and leave her at home  but I think that will just trigger her IG and spending.

Another option may be to get the FIL on the case(while at CP might be a good time) pretty sure the last thing he wants is her moving home.

Not sure how to get to sink that with or without her you are going to beat this and would much prefer it is she stayed on side.

The direct approach as suggested by @RelievedSheff could back fire as it is confrontational.


 

alt80

Day 36 - 80% to second goal. Very glad I’ve put the barriers in place re access to money I don’t just want to rely on willpower alone today haha. Spoke to my sister this morning now it’s looking like the Greece trip is go she asked me if I’m planning to go because she will move her plans to visit- she doesn’t want her children around a drug addict her words and has no idea why our parents are looking forward to seeing me. We used to be close so it’s not a conversation I wanted. Knowing I can’t spend money on it or on sabotaging my plan to pay my debts of within the timescale I’d like is getting me through rn. Something someone said to me about my son whilst I can’t get those lost years back, I can lose more and set him up for a lifetime of his own issues or I can stay in recovery show him there’s a better way to live without substances and without so much stress.

Weekend planned maybe go to the car show Sunday but not bothering if the weather is !!!!!!. Wash the cars, little bit of work on the house and the football final of course! Don’t want to make predictions ha. Wife and I have prepped son that it’s going to be a very tough match and in reality odds are in Italy’s favour but we’re playing at home (wife wants to go half kicking off about that I should make it happen ha no !!!!!! chance of getting a ticket I’m sure).

@mark55man thanks mate not being able to understand how it works has never been a problem for me but my mindset has. Realise that could really drag me down and my family. I don’t want that anymore.

@enthusiasticsaver/ @RelievedSheff she’s on one with Love Island being on and too much time on IG (again 🙄). I’ll be glad when it’s finished with now ha.

alt80

@MovingForwards idk last night it’s a Celine bag fml. She is looking for the bargains tbf it’s a bag that’s maybe £1500-1600 in the dept stores but on offer £750 I think she said. I’ve said I’ll have a think over today don’t really want her buying it tbh she’s got lots of this stuff. 

@getmore4less thanks for the faith mate. Actually thought I just don’t need to keep messing my life up definitely a better one if I keep off the substances and stop the stupid spends on the perpetual cycle of personal debt for not a lot. Not the way to get anywhere in life that isn’t can tell you that much. 

She can be a !!!!!! nightmare sometimes haha but can’t we all lol. Think you’re right tbh she knows when I’m on the current path I don’t want to buy her things all the time - she sees others buying things she’d like and it trips her off. That’s not to say I don’t want to be able to treat her on occasions but I don’t want to be going back to putting stupid amounts of money onto cards again. It’s just ridiculous and unnecessary. Happens over and over again it’s stressful when the balances really start to build up. She doesn’t get that. I’m glad she doesn’t in a way - I don’t want her stressed. 

I leave her home I’ll come back to probably couple of £k spent fml. Left her at home crying this morning I’m not taking her to Wembley for the final honestly mate I don’t !!!!!! know.

getmore4less

She is back in spoilt brat mode.  she needs to be put on the naughty step.

katsu

Hopefully love island will finish soon and then your wife will come off IG and realise she's got caught up in nonsense. That might be the time to talk,  when she's able to see that her thinking changed. 

Until then Hopefully you can get through her strange remarks and focus on the advice the pros are giving you. 

I don't really know what you should say to your wife now as it makes her thinking unrealistic so I'm not sure there's a great solution other than that you both agreed on the budget so it is what it is. If she wants the bag and had annual budget left then she can, otherwise its just not there.  

It's great that you are doing so well and you can see the attractions of the life without drugs. As you say, you can really give your son and yourself a gift by being present and clean.

As for your sister I would chalk that up to her talking sh** and ignore it if you can. That's nonsense.  I'm sorry she said that to you. Maybe she's afraid, but it really isn't helpful. Well done for acknowledgement and moving on. 

alt80

No !!!!!! wonder I’m in debt ha wife just sent me a message maybe we can at least get a new tv for the match if I can’t get us to Wembley (love how it’s an if 😆😆😆) fml. 

CRANKY40

Tell her that as you've watched all the winning matches on your current tv you're worried that doing anything else will jinx England's chances 😂

mark55man

@cranky40 genius

I'll be in my lucky england T-Shirt (2002 Korean world cup version).  

efes_shareholder

I'm sorry but your wife really does need a talking too .

To say you need to earn more is ridiculous since she doesn't earn or contribute at all .........I was a stay at home mum for 8 years and I was possibly the same with not appreicating how much my other half at the time worked to earn what I spent ( not that I spent on your wifes scale). I soon realised when I went back to work. When my children were growing up and wanted something , I used to explain to them how many hours I would need to spend at work in order to earn what it cost and found little jobs around the house which would amount to an hour for them to some how earn it............very often they changed their mind about wanting it.

I really don't know the solution with your wife , she wants someone else to fund a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget ( which is lemonade because of her past spending not just yours) and I sense no matter what you earn she would want to spend it.

If it was my partner it would drive me crazy so you are doing so well to stay on track , don't slip now. I think if again I were in your shoes I will remove her access to any of the accounts and give her a pre paid credit card with enough on it for her personal spends and the household spends required ............She can then save up out of her own allowance if she wants a stupid bag worth 1k !! If its not good enough go off and find your footballer that you think is just waiting for her to step in to his life.

Sorry but she really needs to grow up and start earning her own money , maybe then you will see how good at business she is !!

getmore4less

Maybe it's time to lay it on the line.

If you want tickets to football matches date a footballer

If you want a new TV date someone at Currys.