First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

The wife is getting a valuation.

Checking  you still have something to support the PG,s

ladyholly

I am glad to hear you are feeling a bit more positive today. Have a lovely weekend with your family.

alt80

Need to get on the hotline tomorrow. I’m not in a good way feel like death tbh shouldn’t have written the stuff I did either some very strange thoughts last few days and a few hours back then fell to sleep had been up a long time - my sleep all over the place, no concept of a circadian rhythm. Don’t know why I’m on here now tbh brain dump before bed, had the chamomile tea and no one else to talk to apart from myself better writing it than saying it out loud on my own lol. Re family days; I don’t want to think about it right now, she went to my in-laws yesterday morning and said if I don’t sort myself out this will be a permanent arrangement. Woken up tonight after a nap I think she will go if I don’t stop doing this stuff. Don’t blame her I’d tell me where to go too.

Going to go back on the programme call in the morning use this as my reminder ha, do it again and I’m signing up for the facility. Need to. Didn’t go mad on the spending that’s the one thing I didn’t touch. My mate came over yesterday tried to cheer me up. I went all the way through my financials personal, business, portfolio the lot all-nighter on it didn’t get much sense from him though and looking back think he was bored actually - left this lunchtime said he thinks I need some time on my own will be in touch etc idk not sure I even want him in touch. Finished what he brought over and I completely lost my mind for a few hours really odd stuff. Glad I’ve reset my phone can’t get it and don’t want this anymore it does me no favours whatsoever off it for good 100%. 

[Deleted User]

I've only joined your diary today and have read enough to know that you need to make changes if you want to have a happy life. I gave my husband 14 months to change (he was unfaithful and wanted his own life). He thought I'd always be there until the day that I left. 
Six months later he messaged saying he was missing me. Too late for me to go back. 
If you don't love/respect yourself then how do you expect your wife to? 
If you're on FB look up Get fit 4 mental wellness. Some good advice on there and I'm sure if you messaged them then they would help you with your addictions. 
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom in order to get yourself out of the mess you have found yourself. For me, hitting rock bottom was liberating. I'm terrified of going back there and so work hard every day to keep myself heading in the opposite direction. Maybe your rock bottom is closer than you think. 

alt80

Woken up no real quality of sleep. This is what kills me totally whacked but rubbish sleep.

@[Deleted User] thank you need her back home. I’ve got the pros on the job thing is I stop making the effort for a time and it all starts again. The pros don’t really do the job I want to pay them sort my head out and job done onto next improvement but this don’t work like that. Like I need to do the homework for the rest of my life put the leg work in can’t hire them for the job iyswim.

Will look the thing up thanks.

alt80

Just had a quick look through my misc list - stuff a sinking fund should cover and doesn’t because I don’t have one for my home. Ideally this summer I want to get a few minor jobs done res home preventative stuff and the car is edging towards needing a new set of tyres probably about 6 months. Def can stretch to after July deadlines. Appreciate that’s maintenance and should have a budget for it I don’t beyond scheduled servicing costs. My list grows all the time often look through middle of night revisit, add sometimes take off if duplicates / stupid. Sent wife a message had been meaning to ask her if she has seen any jobs that need doing too could just do a cs tomorrow keep my brain in right space not chasing her then either.

Also had quick scan of tech list for business - always done one with replacement dates staff like decent tech I do lasts 4/5 years on the replacement cycle. It works well, 2 things to replace next 3 months. I’ve set the scheduled email. Tip - Outlook a lifesaver there don’t want them knowing I’m up at 1am thinking about this stuff. Only works on the computer though - I’ve not found a way to schedule through the app.

Another cup of the chamomile - meant to help you sleep. Does nothing for me. My house is freezing too, was hot yesterday though so idk find the weather hard to track sometimes.

warby68

Glad you're back and relatively sane.
Why don't you bite the bullet and seek the next level of professional help now, show wife your commitment immediately? Don't wait for the next slip up.
I guessed wife had gone - this could be a critical point for you, how you handle this backslide - still rooting for you but YOU have to make the right choices now. Druggie mate in whatever disguise he comes is 100% the wrong one. You knew that but saw him anyway. They say addicts have to hit rock bottom, hopefully this is close enough for you to ramp up the help.
Parents are back in the frame now to look after wife if you need to be more absent to get straight.
It will probably help if you put son up front and centre in your thoughts as motivation too. 
Good luck @alt80

Sun_Addict

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a relapse but you can bounce back from it if you get the right help. Your wife needs to know you’re serious about quitting the stuff to regain her trust though. 

 A few years ago my workplace did a volunteering stint with a local rehab charity that helps get people back on their feet after losing everything through drug/drink abuse. I think we were all surprised to find a lot of them were professional people who’d previously been in good jobs like company directors, solicitors, etc, not the down and outs you think. Just shows it can happen to anyone. 

Today is the first day in your road to recovery, don’t forget it’s a marathon not a sprint, not going to happen overnight. Good luck.

CRANKY40

If I was you I would message your wife and tell her that you will be there to spend the day with her and your son on Sunday. You don't have to stay, you can make an excuse and come home again in the evening (work crisis, whatever) but it would be a good start to prove that you are committed to your family. She doesn't want you to stay home and do things to the house, she wants you there by her side with the rest of the family so she doesn't look like a spare part again. It's the inlaws thing that's prompted this latest problem isn't it? Just because you don't like yourself very much doesn't mean that everyone else hates you. You seem like quite a nice bloke on your more normal days. Hugs. 

ladyholly

Please do what you need to do to get to where you need to be. Your mate is not a mate he is someone who leads you down the wrong path. I suspect he knows what a mess he has made of his life so to to make himeself feel better he is trying to make you do the same. He has the back up of wealthy parents you dont and you want your wife and son, he has snorted his away.  Whatever help is available to you take it with both hands, humbly apologise to your wife and yes her parents and start the rest of your life. First as has been suggested many times dump your mate, dont answer the phone to him, ( I know he he does business with you but is that worth you family, your health and ultimately your home and businesses). As Warby and sun addict have said let this be your rock bottom before you lose everything. Good Luck.