First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

You have to expect a few ups and downs. Hope you wake up feeling better this morning and have a great family weekend which let's you chill out and unwind a bit.

You need some down time like everyone else.

What's in the family weekend plan for this week?

getmore4less

Set an alarm on your phone for Tues and Wed 

PLAN WEEKEND

warby68

You need to take some action to avoid these late evening spirals - it just isn't your best time of day.
Take it up with the counsellers, get some targeted help in knowing when your day is, or should be, over. That brain of yours does you no favours in these sessions. The thoughts are destructive and unproductive. 
You are generally very slow to take advice and accept what you are being told no matter how many say it - I guess its years and years of cocaine guided thought patterns. Try and remember there's a lot of people here and probably in real life with very similar thoughts on sleep and relaxation and only you trying to argue you're a special case that should be able to power through on minimal sleep. You're wrong, plain and simple. Try and break some of the habits you know are not good for you at night - you really are your own worst enemy sometimes as you just won't stop the destructive patterns. Even if you just have a catalogue of TV and a comfy sofa it will do you far more good than the AM/shopping/I'm not good enough lets revisit everything thing you do. 

Just from personal experience when I got to about 40 alcohol became more of a stimulant in that I could never sleep after it, even a few glasses. In younger decades it was the opposite, out like a light after a few although never the best quality sleep. 

I also hope you feel better this morning, one thing that's noticeable is you do come out of these real funks quite quickly nowadays - even consider editing your posts if there's too much truth in there from last night.

Be a bit kinder to yourself @alt80 - it doesn't all have to be about punishment - you're allowed to rebuild, redirect and succeed. The past can stay there. Even though it was a later nighter, the plans for BTLs sound all sanity and no vanity now which is great.

getmore4less

Don't fret about the personal finances they are in a place where they need to be so are not urgent.

It gets like this in the slog you know how much you have to spend, you know how much you are spending so have a decent idea if you need to have a close look because you might be going over.

You kind of know you are under in most things except fuel so should be OK nothing too big on the next week so should be OK if it takes a few days to reconcile the account for last period.

Now the wife is potentially earning you need to stay very strong when she comes to the begging bowl for off budget pocket money.

She needs to learn she can't blow it on one bag and has to prioritise where this extra goes .

Keep your allowances in your pocket even if you don't need it now you can have the odd treat and maybe the odd extra when out.

How did you get to Friday with a load of work to do  sounds like you  abandoned all planning this week, how much of this urgent Friday stuff could wait till Monday? or are you just creating work so you can lock yourself in your little prison?

I missed last nights rugby, was in the mood for something different so have that to watch today or tomorrow.

getmore4less

Don't think I have shown you this one before

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPQEw4c0_i4


https://www.ryman.co.uk/range-rover-2-in-1-suitcase-and-ride-on-white
(spotted while having spend freeze on a new home shredder)

alt80

I’m getting too old for staying up for the majority of the night lol. Went to bed about 3.30am in the end listening to music that sounds a lot better on the stuff haha, idiocy really. On day 66 not touched it but no idea how I’m going to get through the rest of the year without being offered it at some point. Know this is the beginning of the end. June couple of work people will want out 100% would be odd for me not to. 

Genuinely wish this lockdown would never end business doing good, family good, no destructive stuff, no real spending I’m winning for once. All starts going to !!!!!! next weekend family time over first, shops over Easter hol so wife will be taking son into town she reckons she’s taking him to Birmingham to go to the Selfridges fairly sure that’s not meant to happen 12th April. Should try to make the most of this weekend really, didn’t watch the rugby either only thing planned for today watch it after lunch. No spoilers please. 

@warby68 btl plans been in the making for a while not a late night brainwave ha but thanks have to remind myself sometimes not just about the adding units/ portfolio value used it a lot to try to prop myself up tbh. 

Idk what’s wrong with me, I know it’s not good still !!!!!! do it though. Even as a kid I’d push through any tiredness at night can’t really remember a time I didn’t stay up until at least midnight lol. Easy to reminisce on getting through a full weekend no sleep thinking I’d achieved big things but not really done much ha. Romanticise it too much start thinking it’s a solution again, isn’t know that much. Don’t find alcohol a stimulant lol but def worse night’s sleeping waking up etc when I’ve had a drink.

@getmore4less ha would have bought my son that suitcase if he were a bit younger made me smile anyway.

Do have a general idea re personal finances tbf. Like to try to keep the sheet up to date/ seeing the numbers looking a bit better does motivate me somewhat. Will have a look in a minute I think.

You and I thinking same re wife 100%. If I hear the ‘earning’ BS from her might just !!!!!! lose it altogether tbh.

Allowances are allocated for the year, I assume you’re talking about my own allocations? She knows she can have that from August onwards. Idk it’s not enough, I can’t do right by her.

Re work yeah just finding stuff to do tbh keep out of the way.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

I’m getting too old for staying up for the majority of the night lol. Went to bed about 3.30am in the end listening to music that sounds a lot better on the stuff haha, idiocy really. On day 66 not touched it but no idea how I’m going to get through the rest of the year without being offered it at some point. Know this is the beginning of the end. June couple of work people will want out 100% would be odd for me not to. 

Genuinely wish this lockdown would never end business doing good, family good, no destructive stuff, no real spending I’m winning for once. All starts going to !!!!!! next weekend family time over first, shops over Easter hol so wife will be taking son into town she reckons she’s taking him to Birmingham to go to the Selfridges fairly sure that’s not meant to happen 12th April. Should try to make the most of this weekend really, didn’t watch the rugby either only thing planned for today watch it after lunch. No spoilers please. 

@warby68 btl plans been in the making for a while not a late night brainwave ha but thanks have to remind myself sometimes not just about the adding units/ portfolio value used it a lot to try to prop myself up tbh. 

Idk what’s wrong with me, I know it’s not good still !!!!!! do it though. Even as a kid I’d push through any tiredness at night can’t really remember a time I didn’t stay up until at least midnight lol. Easy to reminisce on getting through a full weekend no sleep thinking I’d achieved big things but not really done much ha. Romanticise it too much start thinking it’s a solution again, isn’t know that much. Don’t find alcohol a stimulant lol but def worse night’s sleeping waking up etc when I’ve had a drink.

@getmore4less ha would have bought my son that suitcase if he were a bit younger made me smile anyway.

Do have a general idea re personal finances tbf. Like to try to keep the sheet up to date/ seeing the numbers looking a bit better does motivate me somewhat. Will have a look in a minute I think.

You and I thinking same re wife 100%. If I hear the ‘earning’ BS from her might just !!!!!! lose it altogether tbh.

Allowances are allocated for the year, I assume you’re talking about my own allocations? She knows she can have that from August onwards. Idk it’s not enough, I can’t do right by her.

Re work yeah just finding stuff to do tbh keep out of the way.

You’re doing well, don’t give in.

Cross the social situations bridge when it comes to it. Bring it up at counselling if you haven’t already. Maybe you can come up with some options but it’s probably either going to be avoiding those situations or resisting the urge in those situations until it becomes a new habit (in my amateur opinion).

Tell wife the nails can pay for that shopping trip and take the cards away before she leaves. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than being dragged around a department store as a kid, hated having to go shopping, just wanted to play. But probably a bit different when your wife will buy him anything he asks for

strawb_shortcake

With your wife, I think she is coming round slowly, when you think how long it took you to accept the changes that needed to be made and it was your idea. It's only natural that it's going to take your wife a bit longer to accept changes she had no control over.

Her nail money I think should be her own, managing her own pot of money will (hopefully) be really good for her, she can work out how many sets of nails she'd have to do for that £350 swimming costume. Might make her think twice about the real value of things, and realise how hard you have to work to bring in £8k a month. 

alt80

@ryanm8655 yeah I’ve spoke to the pros about it not getting any new answers really no miracles unfortunately. Half wonder sometimes if I should just give up on things completely, lock myself in the house and tell my wife to hide the key just let me out for the fee earners. Time with son spoilt from next week anyway so no point being able to get out really.

Looked the guidance up it’s ‘stay local’ 12th Birmingham is not ‘local’ imo so hoping she doesn’t decide to go. Ha she’d go mental if I told her that lol already spent the nail money that’ll be coming to her on beauty going by her calendar. Son likes shopping too yeah probably for the fact she likes to treat him.

@annabanana82 idk maybe you’re right.

theoretica

Just checking this isn't going to be an issue, because you haven't mentioned it - your wife's nail earnings sound like she will need to keep records and submit a tax return even if no tax is due.  Will also affect whatever you had worked out with your accountant about using her income tax allowance.