First Steps to Solvency

foxgloves

Yes, lol, no way did I think you'd be spending on vintage/antiques & the sort of stuff I used to splurge on, alt80, but that's the point, isn't it....it doesn't matter what our 'thing' is, the problem is pretty much the same because it's all in our heads - overspending until something makes us just sit up & realise we need to get a grip. 
Agree re the regional house price differential - we are saving so that we have a 'bridging fund' so we can get across the gap. It doesn't help that we are wanting to move to somewhere where '2nd homers' are pushing up prices. We are happy to downsize though & will make sure that we also have a Plan B just in case the prices have gone really loony by the time we are ready to move. In the meantime, we are improving our current house so that we have the best chance of getting ceiling price for it when we do get round to selling. Wasn't sure Mr F would be up for relocation as he was born & bred in this county, but he is absolutely up for it, & is right behind me with saving so that we can hopefully make it happen.
F

alt80

Spending demons pretty bad today after 30 mins on phone to Barclays - finally everything resolved. I wasted time when on hold on JL got as far as the checkout before just throwing in the wish list. All stuff I don’t need tbh one of the items I threw out completely - decided a £750 camera was a good idea for about a minute - I’m not even good at photography tbh, have a decent camera I bought for work if I really want to use a ‘proper camera’ and iPhone one is better than anything I need it for. At least I didn’t buy just laughed at myself thinking ‘idiot’ lol.

@getmore4less thank you mate, I’m trying to think in terms of full 31 day months.

Think my ‘routine’ was my biggest issue tbh with it taking the lockdown to sort of reassess and another lockdown to reassess a bit more, just about there with 3rd lockdown FML really am a bit !!!!!! slow. Absolutely the refinance should have stopped me. I should have come completely clean to the wife at that point, refinanced and closed the vast majority of my card accounts down, saved for the RRS replacement and bought when I’d paid for the f-type and the BMW. I know that it’s so !!!!!! clear it’s unreal I didn’t see it - was just so wrapped up in living life the way I was, had always been the same really just fleeting moments of wtaf am I doing.

Ha made me laugh re when I’m old with grandkids, hope it goes that way and not the other. That’s sort of the irony though started to say no to stuff and no to wife and things are looking a lot more rosy; those forecasts I did a while back and you charted keep me going sometimes tbh mate. It is finding a balance I see that - easy to go the other way become a total miser suppose that’s my head everything is some extreme need some middle ground ha.

@foxgloves that’s an interesting point and definitely true. Thanks for that it’s made me think actually - you’re right it doesn’t really matter what it is. 100 it’s a mindset thing, I’ve spent years and years knowing I earn well but feeling ‘poor’ purely because I know some people who’ve got a lot more than I have. Know plenty that have less too but easy to ignore the levels you’ve passed or never was that low in the first place iyswim. 

What’s making you delay the move- work/ finances/ both? I love property not talking units here I’m talking about houses for me - I don’t get the people who are happy with a generic type house in a generic type location. I love period property could never live in some 1970s 3 bed semi or something. Mentioned on here a few times I’d love to move from my current res home into something Georgian/ Regency big place with 14ft high ceilings type. Love buying my res home as untouched as possible retaining a lot of the features and modernising around so yeah I sort of get the antiques thing in a way just not in a someone’s cast off sofa type way lol.

getmore4less

 I know that it’s so !!!!!! clear it’s unreal I didn’t see it - 
You are not alone it is very common problem staring people in the face but they can't see it

I don't want to go an pick on another thread or diary as an example but when people start on their journeys with the cry for help once you start pointing out the obvious, progress is made very quickly.

I like the simple high level approach.

You are spending  to much.
I know what can I do about it?
Do you know where all you money is going
no i have no clue or sometimes on essentials/emergencies ,there is never enough......,
OK lets fix that problem first.

You can, in nearly all cases, guess there will be a few classics on the "blind to it" list when you eventual get the SOA.
Once you start picking away at the SOA it usually becomes relatively clear if there is a solution and what it might be.

Have to say you did set a new bar for "I think your spending on cars might be part of the problem",  made a change from mobile and sky contracts. 


Sometimes it is a long haul and once the plan is in place it becomes the slog(I mentioned before)
I have seen people try a bit too hard with very aggressive plans that risk failure, better to add a bit of slack trying to do better.

I think your aggressive one was debt free/balloon paid date, with a 5 year to tie in with the mortgage renewal being lets say the easy one. 
You have too much going on to be worried about a few £k hanging about on the 0% CC for a few extra months that will sort itself out with what you are throwing at it now,  the reality is quite a small impact on the bigger picture be it 36,48,60 months.

Getting there with the balance, better and faster than I was expecting, that is a tough one to crack for someone used to your sort of extremes
The think about every spend is working, even catching those odd weak moments 
Still a serious amount of uncertainty out there I am even getting to the point I need something to change 

I think a big part of your blindness to the problem was substance it has a nasty side effect of a brain reset so anything sensible tends to get thrown out or forgotten very quickly , I recognise that in me when the beer levels go up for a while.


I can't remember if this has been mentioned before but might play into your property head a bit.
there is a long running thread  

"Have a Look at This"

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6097203/new-have-a-look-at-this-thread#latest

might be worth following for a while when sitting with the wife to fill some minutes.
I dip in every now an then and do a catch up, great when one pops up in an area you know..

I got that country wreck a few months back from a post in that thread.

There was another one recently that looks like your antithesis of a £1m+ property.
when they suggested footballer house  I thought of your wife would she like to live there .
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/77944964#Comment_77944964

or something period
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/77085074/#Comment_77085074

Maybe you have a few you know about in your areas that could feature on that thread.

alt80

Well another interesting evening trying to sort my phone out and getting my credit card blocked again. Luckily not the Barclays accounts they really are a !!!!!! nightmare to deal with. Honestly wish I’d not bothered with the phone reset now! Intention was less stress - it’s caused more. 😆 Wife did hers yesterday not spent any money told her the minute she does 100% it’ll get blocked again - fml the hoops you have to jump through if there’s much card fraud these days I reckon they could earn big money in computers legitimately. Can’t access you’re own !!!!!! accounts without 10 text codes these days.

Got through Day 62 in the end. Wrote in another diary on here convinced I’m running a playgroup sometimes ha some staff problems are !!!!!! hilarious but times I wish I didn’t have the responsibility for them haha.

Sunflower seeds sowed. 

@getmore4less Yeah I was looking for the miracle I couldn’t find mate, wasn’t one know that much. No idea how !!!!!! angry I was people on here keep bringing my cars up though haha no getting away from it though really. 

100 re aggressive v easier repayment strategy. Tbh I’m fairly certain I’m not going to meet the aggressive one now. Iswym re other things to worry about/ small impact thanks mate. Did go through the maybe I should become a miser phase but tbh that’s not for me.

I relate to the substances throwing the sensible out of the window 100% - how I wound up not doing the amount of due diligence I should have on the dev block feeling untouchable from using the substances too much. Thank my !!!!!! lucky stars every single day that’s unwinding. Plenty more stupid / risky decisions I’ve made on that stuff. Feel different when I’m off it entirely tbh I reflect on it and I’m shocked myself. Don’t know how I got through the past 5 years or so tbt the way I’ve been it !!!!!! scares me.

Ha neither of those my idea of an upgrade tbh lol. Yeah wife probably would live in the first one given half the chance though FML. Not so long ago I properly fell for a place, £1.35M no !!!!!! chance went on a mental over it ha. Anyway it was one of those once in a lifetime places - absolutely stunning T.C. Hine place on The Park Estate. Feel angry just thinking about it tbh no !!!!!! chance it’ll come on the market again. Nice place on Arlington Drive for sale at the moment too £1.5M would need the kitchen redoing for me ha but definitely in the dreaming territory for me unfortunately. 

Willowtree222

Are they still playing match maker at work? 
Your diary is so different now and not buying the JL basket shows how far your mindset has changed. 
Agree about the slack comments. Getting the balance is the hardest. The guilt of spending when you should be paying, but nothing to treat yourself results in bingeing anyway so it's a difficult line to walk.
X

maddiemay

@alt80 you are doing so well, two whole months clean.
I’ve got two of them looking to join a sports club wife has applied for a voluntary coaching position and son wants to join a club. Tbh he does sports at school so idk whether it’s worth it tbh. 

I wonder if joining a sports club would be very good for your son as it would enable him to meet new young people from more diverse backgrounds and in turn might give you the opportunity to develop acquaintances/friends from a new new group of people with no shadow over your shoulder in respect of past gaffs made with school parents. Might also help his mother see how other perfectly nice (hopefully) people have a happy life without designer clothes. bling, tech etc.
Have a good day.

alt80

Happy Wednesday. 

Woke up early this morning got quite a lot of work done FML turning into a morning person ha. No doubt that won’t last.

Sorted my card out hopefully for the last time now the accounts are the same. Nice to have reduced the clutter on the phone as that’s what I use the most and was even worse than the iPad. Really weird feeling of relief not to have it going off constantly. Switched almost all notifications off. I check my emails regularly and don’t need to be constantly disturbed by stuff I’m cc’d into, can review that 3-4 times a day and leave there. Whole world seems less fraught not even exaggerating.

@Nicnak yeah and the rest ha. Everyone fed up of lockdown ready to get out into having a life outside work I think. 100 anticipating a drop in productivity the month things open up properly. Maybe just me doom mongering there but I’m fairly certain staff minds will be on their personal lives that month and tbh so long as managing the workload I’m ok with that for a month.

100 didn’t need the JL basket lol. Completely get you re balance think it’s hard to get into my head not being extreme about stuff. Extreme worked for me for a bit (not recently). Need to accept I can’t do it anymore though be more balanced/ strategic in business and life generally to get ahead. I’m not work shy but done something to myself that I need to do the resting too idk why, ashamed about it but it is what it is just need to make the most of what I have.

@maddiemay son’s school has a very diverse population lots of different cultures etc I like that; think you possibly mean more like economically or something?

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Happy Wednesday. 

Woke up early this morning got quite a lot of work done FML turning into a morning person ha. No doubt that won’t last.

Sorted my card out hopefully for the last time now the accounts are the same. Nice to have reduced the clutter on the phone as that’s what I use the most and was even worse than the iPad. Really weird feeling of relief not to have it going off constantly. Switched almost all notifications off. I check my emails regularly and don’t need to be constantly disturbed by stuff I’m cc’d into, can review that 3-4 times a day and leave there. Whole world seems less fraught not even exaggerating.

@Nicnak yeah and the rest ha. Everyone fed up of lockdown ready to get out into having a life outside work I think. 100 anticipating a drop in productivity the month things open up properly. Maybe just me doom mongering there but I’m fairly certain staff minds will be on their personal lives that month and tbh so long as managing the workload I’m ok with that for a month.

100 didn’t need the JL basket lol. Completely get you re balance think it’s hard to get into my head not being extreme about stuff. Extreme worked for me for a bit (not recently). Need to accept I can’t do it anymore though be more balanced/ strategic in business and life generally to get ahead. I’m not work shy but done something to myself that I need to do the resting too idk why, ashamed about it but it is what it is just need to make the most of what I have.

@maddiemay son’s school has a very diverse population lots of different cultures etc I like that; think you possibly mean more like economically or something?

Your sons school may have a very diverse population but they are all going to be fairly well off. It is a private school after all. 

It would do your son the world of good to also mix with other children who are less well off so that he learns to appreciate what he has. I think a sports club of some sort could really help him with that.

ryanm8655

I’d also recommend sports outside of school. As a kid who was sports mad the standard outside of school was so much higher. Doing a bit of PE or some after school sports isn’t the same. Unless the private school is a sports one. E.g. somewhere like Oakham. Plus agree it would be better for broadening horizons.

maddiemay

@alt80 - yea I meant socially and economically rather then culturally diverse.