First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

Alt You cannot solve all propblems by taking drugs either prescription or illegal. Someone  a few pages back told you that it takes over a hundred days to even start to clear your system. You are only about two thirds of the way to that so you are still being affected by the drugs you have taken over many years. You certainly dont need to start loading your body and brain with new ones. What you do need is to learn to listen to what your body is telling you. Eat properly, (yes I know I go on about it but as a man you need a higher calorie intake to your wife and a salad is fine but you also need carbohydrate with it such as a baked potato or two or pasta salad), sleep when your body tells you to and dont fight it and dont push the exercise beyond your calorie intake. 

alt80

Happy Friday

I know I've got no real chance with the Ritalin thoughts about it are always when I'm tired but frustrated with wanting to read something etc and concentration is low. Possibly is some form of adhd or something idk but still no chance they're going to prescribe me that stuff. Tbh I'm still on the wagon but not sure for how much longer this week has been a !!!!!! disaster for the cravings etc. Called the pros every single day so far this week.  

@RelievedSheff that's what it is I'm whacked after watching about an hour of tv. Convinced sitting on the sofa does it.

@ryanm8655 I've had her on the same bag this morning going to put some stuff up for sale but she doesn't want to 'miss out'. FML. I've told her get the stuff sold and she might not but it's not in the budget bit of progress though no mention of finding someone else or whatever. Idk what it is with her. Some of your posts have made me wonder if it's all on me or the pair of us are completely !!!!!! toxic. No hope mate I'm not going to seriously tell her to go and she knows that just waiting for her either deciding she want to sing off the same hymn sheet or find someone else. Not funding dates and I don't want them coming back here don't think that's too much to ask really.

@ladyholly I'm struggling to just get through the days without getting back on the stuff tbh without thinking about food etc. I know it's not healthy and she's been on the cutting, I've been on the cutting lost weight now getting the grief off her to bulk up a bit, not fit enough, not attractive and looking old because I've nothing else to do all day than eating food and fitness.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Happy Friday

I know I've got no real chance with the Ritalin thoughts about it are always when I'm tired but frustrated with wanting to read something etc and concentration is low. Possibly is some form of adhd or something idk but still no chance they're going to prescribe me that stuff. Tbh I'm still on the wagon but not sure for how much longer this week has been a !!!!!! disaster for the cravings etc. Called the pros every single day so far this week.  

@RelievedSheff that's what it is I'm whacked after watching about an hour of tv. Convinced sitting on the sofa does it.

@ryanm8655 I've had her on the same bag this morning going to put some stuff up for sale but she doesn't want to 'miss out'. FML. I've told her get the stuff sold and she might not but it's not in the budget bit of progress though no mention of finding someone else or whatever. Idk what it is with her. Some of your posts have made me wonder if it's all on me or the pair of us are completely !!!!!! toxic. No hope mate I'm not going to seriously tell her to go and she knows that just waiting for her either deciding she want to sing off the same hymn sheet or find someone else. Not funding dates and I don't want them coming back here don't think that's too much to ask really.

@ladyholly I'm struggling to just get through the days without getting back on the stuff tbh without thinking about food etc. I know it's not healthy and she's been on the cutting, I've been on the cutting lost weight now getting the grief off her to bulk up a bit, not fit enough, not attractive and looking old because I've nothing else to do all day than eating food and fitness.

When you feel yourself feeling knackered on the sofa take yourself off to bed and get some sleep. Your body needs sleep and rest to function. It is trying to tell you this. Listen too it.

I really wouldn't worry about the wife finding someone else. Who is going to be out looking for a 30 odd year old who has pumped their face full of fillers, doesn't work, has a child in tow and expects everything handed on a plate? 

enthusiasticsaver

I think you need to be selfish for a bit @alt80 and just focus on getting yourself healthy. You are struggling with the sleep and cravings because you aren't focusing on putting enough good food into your body to fight the urges. If you are feeling low due to not enough calories, sleep or exercise it is difficult to fight the craving for bad stuff whether it be drugs, alcohol or sugar.

You need a balanced diet. Protein, carbs and lots of veg and fruit. It is simple to put a baked potato in the microwave and fry a steak and have that with salad. You can cook but you are lacking energy because you are working too late. You need to get in a routine of leaving the office earlier and either eating with your family or cooking yourself something. 

It is not difficult and just like in sorting your finances a budget was the answer when it comes to health you need a healthy lifestyle plan. Eat good food at regular mealtimes, don't put rubbish into your body like drugs, alcohol or junk food, exercise regularly and develop a good sleep routine. Until you sort yourself out you are not strong enough to cope with your wife's demands so develop a stock response to her comments and just say as you have been that she knows her budget and there is no more for her. 

She wont go. Tinder is for kids, they aren't wealthy enough for her but if she wants to waste her budgets on dates then let her. She will soon see the light. 

getmore4less

Did a catch up sleep bed at 9pm up for a pee at 2am but resisted getting up went back rolled over and made it to 5am
.
Up and all fresh got a cup of tea and looked at breaking a spend freeze on something we actually could use and have been thinking about ofr a few months(I nearly made one)  a stand for our Dyson V10.
The dyson special stand is over £100 and there are plenty of options for around £40, found  one that sells for £40 on amazon for £20 on roov but then  15% discount if you buy 2 things, they have a decent sale on and that had a couple of things we could use but not desperate(cover for some garden furniture) that got it close but not quite free delivery so looked for something else, ended up with some whisky stones and wobble glasses as a little treat as not got either.  that  ~£20  became ~£50  oh well.
Also been really avoided the have been no decent beer deals since before Xmas picked up along the way and fed up so went crazy on Asda as they have what I want at OK prices  ~£200  beer and nuts arriving tonight(cheapest delivery slot)

Need a lie down now 

Anyway the reason I was going to post is check out the M deals they have been doing some good ones via the APP

https://www.hotukdeals.com/vouchers/mcdonalds.co.uk

todays special 

getmore4less

alt80 said:

@efes_shareholder thank you. I've used just about all the comparisons inc sky scanner. Gave up on the Greece trip quite quickly watched an episode of the garden programme, thanks @getmore4less wife loves the crime dramas too so will give some of those a go. She likes watching stuff for the second and third time sometimes. She's like a different person when I'm away from the office idk why.

Also read an interesting article on productivity/ 4 day week. Enjoy reading the business articles and a couple of books to investigate.

............

The reason is that that place is associated with all the bad stuff and the drugs.

Rather than out of sight out of mind out of sight and that's trigger all that goes on in her head about you not being there and spaced out all the time.

Now you have explained it is hard for a lot of reasons.  

I actually think  part of it is your drug addiction demons  the more they can keep you in the office the more they can win the battle against your sobriety  but also if you stay in there you avoid the things that need changing.    

This is a key issue that needs to be addressed.

Now you have experts on this stuff  but the wife wants you close and you admit she is a lot better when you are close and out of the office.

This is not an overnight quick fix(another of your demons)  so needs work and time as there is still that element of trust.

I have suggested doing some of this work research and reading while she watches a bit of TV and if you can engage in some TV that will help.  last time I suggested maybe short office time mixed with time together. 

If you have some books you want to read then read  in the same place as the wife, if work productivity related that satifies your need around work and the wife about you being close.

I think it might need one stage further and if you really cant keep out of the office room you might need to be setting up something in the TV room, where you can do the work stuff but disassociate yourself from what that office means  not just for you but the wife as well. 

I wonder if there is something similar to what happens when people get locked up for years and find it difficult to adjust to being freed.

  

ladyholly

She has a cheek having a go at you for losing weight when she throws your meal away and expects you to live on chicken salad. You may not feel like eating but you must for the sake of your health. Your wife should be helping you by cooking nice meals, having healthy snacks available and supporting you not making nasty and cruel comments. Try having several smaller meals if you can't get through bigger ones. Sometimes a full plate is enough to put you off. 

stymied

How the * is she back on the cutting again already? That nearly killed you last time and it feels like it was only a couple of weeks ago. What happened to the meal plan that you approved for the week? Would your wife be able to show how it meets your nutrition requirements, particularly calorie intake?

Stay strong with resisting the cocaine - you are 100% a better person and in business without it plus remember how much it costs - you don't want to break your budget!!!

alt80

Evening all. Got to day 58 just. Weird day today but no called to the pros ha. I've not been too busy with the work, staff all firing on 8 couple maybe on 12 lol picked son up so finished day to day stuff 3.30pm. Had 2 beers really enjoyed just having a couple don't feel p*ssed but been nice to enjoy a Friday evening like a normal person ha. Took my son to Maccys, no burger lol but had his ice cream and went home to a big stirfry and a starter of homemade hot and sour soup. Very full but nice to have something I wasn't expecting for dinner. More decent feedback from school for son this time good behaviour haha doesn't get that from me FML. Always said I wouldn't be one of those annoying boasting parents lol but I'm made up for him, gone back after covid lockdown like he's firing on all 12 too no idea why but he's smashing it. 

Weekend in watching the rugby also plan to book the Greece trip. Son is ridiculously excited to be going took him to New York, Dubai, Jamaica etc over past few years and he's !!!!!! buzzing for Greece lol he's a strange lad. 

@RelievedSheff / @enthusiasticsaver / @ladyholly think I possibly do need to concentrate on trying to live a bit more healthily getting into the spiral of doing some of the stuff I do when the real self destructive stuff starts and paranoid about losing my family over not buying her the stuff I can't really afford to be buying, sets off the self worth issues and back into the cycle of destruction ha.

I've put myself in charge of food this weekend few nice meals planned and wife looking forward to it doing the Greek weekend for son lol.

@getmore4less up for a pee but didn't get up that reads entirely wrong mate. I knew you were getting on a bit but didn't think you were at the chamber pot stage in life lol. 

Ordering stuff on amazon you remind me last year ordered some computer accessories bags for staff off there turned up 4 months later right in middle of lockdown 1 after the staff and I had long forgotten about these bloody things they'd been nagging me about for ages (bit of a long story). These two guys were furloughed at the time too lol.

FML office prison ha. Idk maybe some truth in that do start panicking if I'm off the work for long enough. Had a few hours watched the Billy Connolly Made in Scotland tonight - brilliant thanks. Wife enjoyed it too. You're probably right about her no trust I'm going to stay off the drugs don't blame her not got that much trust in myself tbh. Weekend to try to reset a bit will try to stay out of office I think as you say can read etc in same room as my wife. You're right about she wants to 'keep me close' FML. 

@stymied she's not on the cutting now. When she was on it I was on it lol possibly not clear.

warby68

Glad you seem a bit more settled and got another day clean under your belt despite everything.

Is it really as simple as when you're around and 'present' she behaves but when you're distant with work or struggling yourself she plays up? Sounds a bit patronising to wife when I word it like that but it does seem to be a pattern. You said originally she said if you went back on coke she'd go back on spending. Its hard to tell what comes first in these bad spells. Does she play up and you withdraw to office/work or do you withdraw/obsess etc and she plays up?

If you want to stay together and you both want it there is plenty to work on but if she only wants you to work on it and still feels no responsibility herself its uphill all the way. She sounds really in need of some professional help and you might benefit from help as a couple too with someone to run interference. Maybe more time is still an answer and when she sees your change is permanent and stops living on a knife edge maybe she will look inwards. I'm trying to come from the point of view of you wanting it to work but do still think you need some boundaries and get out of appeasement mode - some of the stuff she's done lately is just unacceptable in absolute terms and its time she felt some full on disapproval/disgust for it. 

Anyway for now it sounds like you're back on the positive with really good weekend plans and yes you're allowed to be proud of your son. Its the best feeling and being proud is not the same as bragging and comparing so don't worry there. We just heard of a massive achievement by my eldest and I'm literally still floating on it this morning without saying a word to anyone (well, except you now lol)

Enjoy your weeked