First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

Getmore4less. I didn't explain very well. All ebay sales are split between our loan and emergency fund including the postage. I pay the postage from the account our pensions go into. Be cause the sales are neither regular or large amounts I don't include them in any  budget but fiddle the postage as required from various places. It sounds weird but it works for me as until now we have never had savings or paid a loan early which this one will be. 

Onebrokelady

!!!!!! words fail me 😡

ladyholly

Make sure she sells stuff ASAP and as has been suggested many times give her a pre loaded card instead of a credit card and when it's gone that's it until her next budget comes into play. She is playing you and for the sake of peace you are giving in. You will have to decide if the peace is worth the cost. I do notice that she does seem to catch you when either you are struggling or not feeling well. Try putting a decision off for 24 or 48 hours to give you time to feel better. 

alt80

Got home found her offer hadn't been accepted - it was an LV on Vestiaire (new dream app for her that is FML). They wanted £1.9k can't really believe she left it but did, decided to ask me !!!!!! knows why but I've told her she either sells some stuff to fund it or forgets it. She didn't expect that now got the she's 'going on tinder' 😆 as soon as lockdown over haha he's 100% welcome to her right now. I'll be honest I've !!!!!! lost it told her that's fine but I'm not paying for her going on dates he pays or she does nails plenty of blokes these days want to go Dutch.

Did manage to do the bedtime. Can't let her carry on doing this to me. I might look at the AMs but I'm not serious or going to deal. Mid term plan for one once the RR balloon paid def but that's one for another day know that.

@enthusiasticsaver my spending is not uncontrolled I check everything against the budget. I'm serious about it. Shouldn't have told her she could have the bag I know moment of weakness tbh need to grow up and not rise to name calling lol bit pathetic on my part I know.

@getmore4less thanks mate if she starts buying without asking that's what I'm doing. Goes over the allocation she's on the prepay.

warby68

I'm really sorry to read that @alt80
You've bought your wife a £2k bag a week after she was coming on to your druggie mate. Nothing like a massive reward for behaving badly. 
That card is a big mistake. I don't know why you even told her. 
You'll never buy her, the price will just keep going up. 

RelievedSheff

You need to talk to her and her parents about this behaviour. It can't carry on.

I think her father would be horrified if he knew the full extent of his daughters manipulation.

Try not to let her silly games get you down. You are doing great. 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Got home found her offer hadn't been accepted - it was an LV on Vestiaire (new dream app for her that is FML). They wanted £1.9k can't really believe she left it but did, decided to ask me !!!!!! knows why but I've told her she either sells some stuff to fund it or forgets it. She didn't expect that now got the she's 'going on tinder' 😆 as soon as lockdown over haha he's 100% welcome to her right now. I'll be honest I've !!!!!! lost it told her that's fine but I'm not paying for her going on dates he pays or she does nails plenty of blokes these days want to go Dutch.



@enthusiasticsaver my spending is not uncontrolled I check everything against the budget. I'm serious about it. Shouldn't have told her she could have the bag I know moment of weakness tbh need to grow up and not rise to name calling lol bit pathetic on my part I know.

@getmore4less thanks mate if she starts buying without asking that's what I'm doing. Goes over the allocation she's on the prepay.

Good that her offer wasn't accepted and at least she stopped. I meant her spending is uncontrolled if she knows there is an empty purchase card although on this occasion she obviously thought better of it. Threatening to go on tinder is another tactic to rile you as it would anyone. 

stymied

I’m sorry you’re having a tough couple of days alt. Have the pros been able to help with why you’re feeling a bit off? Do you think it’s all down to your wife’s behaviour over the last few days, did you notice another trigger or has it just crept up on you? (Don’t feel obliged to answer!) One pattern that’s jumped out at me is you always do badly on the days you only have 10 mins for lunch. I think you should keep an eye on that.
I would like to see you back on the count of days clean. As far as I’m concerned that’s from drugs not alcohol for you and the count should continue.
It’s perfectly normal not to want to do bedtime every single night but it’s best if you can set expectations in advance. I often used to not make it home on Tuesdays til late and the kids knew that was my meeting day so they didn’t feel let down. If you fancy working late one evening a week, or setting an evening aside for learning about investments, go for it, just set aside some special time for wife & DS at other times.

ladyholly

Well done for for not rising to the tinder threat. You cant hold on to her by buying stuff. If she wants to go she will eventually anyway but I dont think she really does want to leave you. She is playing the same game a child does. I want - No you cant have. You dont love me, I am leaving home. Think what would you do if your son went into this scenario. Probably the same as many parents , go on then and they leave only to return 10 minutes later or in the case of my dd doesnt leave at all.  As Relieved Sheff says you need to talk to her parents. I think they would be disgusted by her behaviour too. Try putting it to them that you dont know what to do and ask for their help and advice. At the very least they wil know your side of the story.

warby68

I'm glad the fates were on your side and the bid was turned down (see, there are people who can say no to your wife)
It gave you chance to regroup a little at least and lay down some conditions.
Her behaviour really is awful but the more she does it the more empty, childish threat it seems. If she were serious it would probably be on the sly until she was ready to go. This is just baiting and its cruel and manipulative when you're struggling, and still pretty off when you aren't. 
Another vote for seeking her parents' support and yet another for more counselling on these issues.
I like the clean day count too - today sounds like its been a real test and you've passed with flying colours, even if you feel battle scarred.