First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

Remember IG is fake she should be doing loads of photos and even some videos using up all that old make up while in the shape.

Can post them in 6 month or even a year's time and milk it.

alt80

Made it to Day 46 - didn’t bother having any wine as planned, been on the paracetamol all day so probably not the best idea to have a drink. Not been well all day. Managed a tiny walk this evening and the films with family but been drifting in and out of sleep. Like some kind of exhaustion, really odd. Going to have early night hope things a bit better tomorrow. Ended up having the fish and chips lol been craving it since being mentioned on here and wife gave in. Son loved it, not something we have regularly and we are lucky to have a really decent chippy locally 100%. 

Managed to spend a bit of time itemising spends for this week. Well under for every category. Food spends worked out for the coming week too (more like £75 with top up shop but £65 for delivered foods tbh some stuff being used up), wife will order on Monday and need to fill RR next week. Apart from that we might have one unexpensed coffee (budgeted for in personal though) doing this week’s walk next Saturday morning. My wife has booked the wedding anniversary night away £245/£3k if BoJo doesn’t lift restrictions in time it can be rescheduled, she checked that. Don’t really know what I think to it tbh not sure I'm pleased. In my head hols budget wouldn't be spent and come off cards end of this year but looking like she wants the hols and they are going to happen. Parents have had their first covid jab so looking like we will probably visit them later in the year nothing booked though.

@getmore4less Yeah I need to sort the food, can’t carry on like I have been and no good for son. Not had a sober cutting phase lol tbh don’t have an appetite if I’m on the stuff used it to get through the weeks of chicken salad lol.

Ha back when we could, used to have the lunch meetings every week at the office really miss that tbh. Zoom not the same but had plenty of catch ups.

Don’t know why I keep going over the numbers either probably just to punish myself lol. Struggle to keep away ran many scenarios but agree the only one that’s real is the one I’m in.

Yeah thought about the extreme no spend quite a bit angry I can’t bring myself to do it need some kind of lifestyle wish I didn’t. 

Re wife’s chicken salad it’s literally plain chicken salad. 1x chicken fillet pan fried in a bit of olive oil. Handful of lettuce, handful of spinach, 1/2 bell pepper, 5 cherry tomatoes and 3 olives. Same thing every !!!!!! day mate when on the cutting diet ha. She does it to get to 45kg for the abs photos, clothes dropping off her strength non existent when she’s like that just doing endless cardio but to her looks good in photos not sure it does to anyone else tbh. Seeing it stone cold sober FML whole thing makes me feel sick glad it’s done for a bit. 

Often have stirfrys but not really tried the rice/ noodle salads - give that a go - think wife would enjoy it. 

@ladyholly I’ve been getting more and more run down over the time we’ve had little to eat just not had the energy to cook. 

I’m trying to check spends against my budget once a week and update the wish lists - most things get taken off. Bit of a break through with wife there she’d put some clothes in Selfridges wish list had a look today binned one item as she’s not that long ago sold one similar - never worn haha. Agreed I go over figures to punish myself tbh.

@enthusiasticsaver I struggle with burn out makes me feel a complete failure, I’ve just turned into a lazy person can’t work as much as I used to !!!!!! breaks me.

I want to work on saving money not squandering what I have on stupid stuff- spent too many years doing that. It makes me quite anxious people on here telling me to spend - the kick up the !!!!!! from here has improved my spending levels and made me take living to a budget seriously. Now want to take that to the next level, smash the targets I’ve set with big underspends and pay my debts earlier than planned and start working on making the money work harder. Would have thought this would be encouraged on here and get some support - def don’t get any support for being under budget from wife she wants to spend the whole budget for different items.

@RelievedSheff I don’t know how I can make up for it just know I need to quit buying stuff for myself, put my business and family first 100% stop thinking about myself. 

@katsu I can’t face the football Saturdays with the school friends - some of the parents know I’m a cokehead I stay away from them. Don’t want them thinking I’m too close to my son tbh. In-laws I’ll probably go tbf, FIL keeps telling me he wants to see me with wife and son !!!!!! knows why.

Always have hated myself, something I am trying to work on in the counselling but never lasts long idk why but I can’t forgive myself. Don’t feel I deserve a family and don’t feel I provide them with enough. I know my financial position doesn’t look that bad on paper but don’t think it’s good enough for my wife and son - that’s all on me 100%. 

@Bargainhunter30 haha yeah !!!!!! late bloomer I am lol. I want to do better for my family 100%. 

KxMx

As far as spending goes I always use the baked bean analogy. 
MSE isn't about eating Tesco Value all the time. 
It can be about finding the best deal for Heinz

Compared to 6 months ago you are doing better for your family.

You have faced the debts and are making great strides in budgeting and repaying them.

You are engaging with counselling and additional phone support as and when you need it. 

You have been clean and sober for some time. 

You should be very proud of yourself. 

ladyholly

Glad to hear you had a good meal tonight. Of course you are getting more and more run down on that diet. You really have to talk to your wife about this. It isnt good for any of you and to make you son take part is almost criminal. He needs to have a proper diet and doedsnt have the choice to make his own meals or go an get extra. I hope he has school meals where he will get at least one decent meal a day (I assume his school provides meals).

Bargainhunter30

You are doing better for your family! 
Dont be ashamed of your past, own it, you are working on yourself, you are 100% a better person for the changes you have made. Unlike your JV mate who is unfortunately still in the spiral. Look at his life, that's where you would be ending up, except without the family money to prop you up. Money can not buy love, family, happiness, it just buys things...

elbree

alt80 said:

Made it to Day 46 - didn’t bother having any wine as planned, been on the paracetamol all day so probably not the best idea to have a drink. Not been well all day. Managed a tiny walk this evening and the films with family but been drifting in and out of sleep. Like some kind of exhaustion, really odd. Going to have early night hope things a bit better tomorrow. Ended up having the fish and chips lol been craving it since being mentioned on here and wife gave in. Son loved it, not something we have regularly and we are lucky to have a really decent chippy locally 100%. 

Managed to spend a bit of time itemising spends for this week. Well under for every category. Food spends worked out for the coming week too (more like £75 with top up shop but £65 for delivered foods tbh some stuff being used up), wife will order on Monday and need to fill RR next week. Apart from that we might have one unexpensed coffee (budgeted for in personal though) doing this week’s walk next Saturday morning. My wife has booked the wedding anniversary night away £245/£3k if BoJo doesn’t lift restrictions in time it can be rescheduled, she checked that. Don’t really know what I think to it tbh not sure I'm pleased. In my head hols budget wouldn't be spent and come off cards end of this year but looking like she wants the hols and they are going to happen. Parents have had their first covid jab so looking like we will probably visit them later in the year nothing booked though.

@getmore4less Yeah I need to sort the food, can’t carry on like I have been and no good for son. Not had a sober cutting phase lol tbh don’t have an appetite if I’m on the stuff used it to get through the weeks of chicken salad lol.

Ha back when we could, used to have the lunch meetings every week at the office really miss that tbh. Zoom not the same but had plenty of catch ups.

Don’t know why I keep going over the numbers either probably just to punish myself lol. Struggle to keep away ran many scenarios but agree the only one that’s real is the one I’m in.

Yeah thought about the extreme no spend quite a bit angry I can’t bring myself to do it need some kind of lifestyle wish I didn’t. 

Re wife’s chicken salad it’s literally plain chicken salad. 1x chicken fillet pan fried in a bit of olive oil. Handful of lettuce, handful of spinach, 1/2 bell pepper, 5 cherry tomatoes and 3 olives. Same thing every !!!!!! day mate when on the cutting diet ha. She does it to get to 45kg for the abs photos, clothes dropping off her strength non existent when she’s like that just doing endless cardio but to her looks good in photos not sure it does to anyone else tbh. Seeing it stone cold sober FML whole thing makes me feel sick glad it’s done for a bit. 

Often have stirfrys but not really tried the rice/ noodle salads - give that a go - think wife would enjoy it. 

@ladyholly I’ve been getting more and more run down over the time we’ve had little to eat just not had the energy to cook. 

I’m trying to check spends against my budget once a week and update the wish lists - most things get taken off. Bit of a break through with wife there she’d put some clothes in Selfridges wish list had a look today binned one item as she’s not that long ago sold one similar - never worn haha. Agreed I go over figures to punish myself tbh.

@enthusiasticsaver I struggle with burn out makes me feel a complete failure, I’ve just turned into a lazy person can’t work as much as I used to !!!!!! breaks me.

I want to work on saving money not squandering what I have on stupid stuff- spent too many years doing that. It makes me quite anxious people on here telling me to spend - the kick up the !!!!!! from here has improved my spending levels and made me take living to a budget seriously. Now want to take that to the next level, smash the targets I’ve set with big underspends and pay my debts earlier than planned and start working on making the money work harder. Would have thought this would be encouraged on here and get some support - def don’t get any support for being under budget from wife she wants to spend the whole budget for different items.

@RelievedSheff I don’t know how I can make up for it just know I need to quit buying stuff for myself, put my business and family first 100% stop thinking about myself. 

@katsu I can’t face the football Saturdays with the school friends - some of the parents know I’m a cokehead I stay away from them. Don’t want them thinking I’m too close to my son tbh. In-laws I’ll probably go tbf, FIL keeps telling me he wants to see me with wife and son !!!!!! knows why.

Always have hated myself, something I am trying to work on in the counselling but never lasts long idk why but I can’t forgive myself. Don’t feel I deserve a family and don’t feel I provide them with enough. I know my financial position doesn’t look that bad on paper but don’t think it’s good enough for my wife and son - that’s all on me 100%. 

@Bargainhunter30 haha yeah !!!!!! late bloomer I am lol. I want to do better for my family 100%. 

I don't think people on here are suggesting you spend all your money, just maybe suggesting that moderation is key. In spending or saving. Over-saving, to the point that all of the joy is sucked out of life, can be as destructive and miserable as over-spending. I'm sorry to hear you have low self-esteem when you seem like such an honest and likeable bloke.

dawnybabes

I’ve just converted 45kg - 7 stone ! Your wife has an eating disorder - she really needs help.

That salad is no good for any of you, you could get her to pad it out ? 

From what you’ve said about your in laws they obv like you and don’t want to see the marriage fail, embrace this ! 

katsu

I don't know how tall his wife is @dawnybabes. She might be quite short? I do know some women around 55kg who are around 165-170cms tall. I don't recommend her way of eating but I don't know her to know what's a healthy weight for her. 

@alt80 I am sure the counselling will help. As you loathe yourself less, you'll have less want for stimulants as you'll be able to move naturally beyond the negative feelings. I'm so pleased you are working on your feelings as well as finances.  You'll be able to face the football parents in time I hope. Maybe someone else with kids has ideas how? 

Many people here are wishing you on. We think more of you than you do. We see your innate decency. 

You asked about why people encourage you to spend some money - this is a new way of life. A marathon not a sprint. What happens here in MSE is that we lean new skills and change our thinking in a way that lasts beyond our debt busting phase. The katsus are now over 10 years DF and you are right that we got DF then wanted to smash the mortgage. I love having savings as I feel secure. If my job ends tomorrow my home is safe for a long time. But we eat take away, go to events, eat out etc. We want to be happy not just have money. Money isn't a goal, it's a tool. 

getmore4less

Suppressing appetite seems to be fairly common side effect of drugs,  smoking does it,  drink does it but that has calories as well,  it must support the addictive part.

I am no saint on the diet stuff too much of a meaty person but even I can see why you are so run down with that intake.

Should really change the cooking of the chicken a bit,  same way is not good, poached and grilled would add a bit of variety could even marinade in something tasty.

Is that one chicken fillet each or are you sharing one? 
when you say fillet you mean whole breast at least 200gm not  one of those little mini breast slivers 

Those salads need some work, look at vegetarian books for better options as they have to help balance the lack of meat products.
Even something like grated carrots, cauliflower, cabbage,  greens, peas... would help with variety and nutrients.
loads of pulses and starch options to mix up the variety adding food value as well as taste.
Good start with the chippy,  we did one this week as could not be bothered,  we do get M&S/Waitrose  fish portions when  on yellow label and stick in the freezer as they are an easy cook from frozen option
(M&S chunky haddock are good, don't know if they do them for delivery.)

Try to have some decent food potions today it can take a while to kick in properly.

I think extreme modes are going to take a while longer to kick, not just the spends but the time management as well.
It can't be all work once lockdown eases you need to maintain this family time,  FIL is family so take up his offer to be part of it, try not to get to worked up if the banter starts that will take a while to sort out as well.

I think you are right with the School based(think you are a junky) lot, that will need some careful easing in.
Maybe start of with a drop of and pick up, where you are busy doing other stuff(*) the wife needs to talk this up as well,  then ease in with maybe coming back for the pickup a bit early and a few mins banter before heading off, build up from those.  that can be the football/school events to start then play dates at peoples houses... 

You are not going to be mates going out for dinner or a few beers for quite some time with the school lot.


Doing really well on the personal finances,  wish lists seem to be doing their job for both of you, the main one is to think about the spends rather than impulse.

Budget plan is good I agree that those numbers are not targets to hit but they are what has been considered as a reasonable balance share of the pot that is available, the trick is the make it go further by finding deals.

The food /household is probably the most generous but don't get fooled by the £75  that when you are on starvation diets, once you put some real food in there it will go up.

Think about it, this £8kpm is the result of where you have got to, top 2% of earners and growth going on in the background scraping a few £k to retain is that really going to make you happier when you get to 60 having done very little other than watch you money pot grow like the old miser you will become.

The next 10-15 years need to be about your wife and son to give him the best start in life. 


As for burn out and not working as hard, what you mean is as many hours but lets face reality here a lot of those excess hours have not been that productive, even now you are spending time on wasted activities like going over your old numbers over an over again, do something useful with that time rather before try to find more time.


Day 46 



(*) is it possible to schedule fee earners to fit in with with say Sat morning school activities something productive that looks good and keeps you away from temptations. 
  

alt80

Happy Sunday 

Feel a little better this morning hopefully won’t be ill later like yesterday. Went to bed 10.30pm but been awake since 3.45am probably because I was half asleep all yesterday. May well need a nap later though ha.

Still dreading end of lockdown tbh I’m panicking about it - not helping with the health stuff - woke up thinking about having the scan started trying to !!!!!! about with the figures make it stack - given up with it now. Wouldn’t have thought twice about spending £2.7k this time last year. 😆

Read the government failures article on Apple news. Cheltenham went ahead this time last year - one of my staff went. My parents used to go for the whole thing when they lived in the UK. FML those type events seem as far removed as my parents living in the UK - lifetime away lol. I forget my son has never known anything else just knows them as his ‘Greek grandparents’ he never sees in person probably seems something exotic to him - fair few of his school friends are of east asian descent with foreign families - he basically thinks he’s the same with a second culture lol. 

There’s a picture of Rishi Sunak and some of the cabinet just after last years budget, load of politicians all crammed in the House of Commons giving Rishi a pat on the back 12 days before he shut my business down, put my staff on furlough and we all learnt a new word lol. I’m !!!!!! traumatised by it, spent ages trying to pretend it hasn’t affected me that much ha it’s changed my world tbh fortunately and thank god not my business but if someone had said this time last year the government was going to shut my business down temporarily and pay my staff, give the business a prop up and I’d be ok with it ready to get back to it yeah but ok with two months break from life then a year later feel sick looking at a picture of MPs huddled together not distancing or wearing a mask I’d have said you were !!!!!! mad. The last night the pubs were open in March JV came to mine that afternoon and we went into town got absolutely !!!!!! only didn’t carry on the day after because I told him I wouldn’t and wouldn’t have him doing coke around my son remember him kicking off ordering a cab back home telling me I’ve always been a lightweight in life and in business ha FML he’s def right now, can’t even bear the thought of spending a bit of money to treat my wife on our wedding anniversary.

Don’t even think I’m going to spend more post lockdown, oddly not concerned about spending like a madman like I was don’t think I will but I’m going to miss my family- want to carry on spending time together but conflicted as it’ll be good for my son to play with other kids again and see his relatives. In-laws family photo also spiking my anxiety they are expecting me to be there FIL does know my reasons for having declined to do it previously - wife told him. Now he expects me to be there it’s even worse with the expectation tbh it’s months away but I can’t stop thinking I’m going to go, my wife does find someone better and I’ve ruined their family photos being there in the history of their lives forever tainting their 2021 family shoot. They all display them in their house’s and massively important to my wife’s parents lol.

Re my wife she’s very short 5’3”. Yeah sometimes a bit unhealthy with the food I think tbh. Not all the time or anything just when on the cutting. Son does indeed have a lunch at school lot better than the lunches I had at school can tell you that lol mind think so for what I pay.

Counsellor said same things about needing to get into a position of having some self worth agree it’s some of the reasons the chang has such a hold over me. Always wanted to be successful in business, on the chang it deludes me that I am, feel untouchable for a bit before the comedown. Dread to think about the damage I’ve done and what it’s done to me. Def one of the reasons why I want the scan - find out how bad the damage is if the pros can tell whether it’s !!!!!! my brain for good and if I’m a heart attack waiting to happen. I’d rather know tbh than sit reading about the health damage it can do wondering if it’s done that to me or not just waiting. Stops me when I want it thinking about the health stuff and the money I’ve wasted on it also time wasted doing it away from my family. ‘Working’ on it FML feels like you’re doing something amazing but I’ve made some really !!!!!! stupid decisions on that stuff in the past and yeah probably would end up like JV but without the family money had I carried on down that road.