First Steps to Solvency

getmore4less

You can only try to fix the sleep but going to bed hungry won't be helping.

You can fix the food issue

Get yourself down to Butcher(or other outlet) and get a decent steak 

I would go on the bone wing rib or big t-Bone,  pick favourite veg (potatoes how you like them)
We do a veg tray in the oven  and roast the on bone rib to keep it easy 
a bit of prep time and  ~1hr (longer if you go slow roast)  sit back and wait
(rather than grill/fry the steak where you have to keep an eye on it)

warby68

Very relieved to see you more rational this morning @alt80, I really thought there was a spiral coming.
Good self care is key - you're always looking for fancy, extreme angles or some weird rare occurrence to explain things you don't like but deep down its usually about the basics.

Still worried that you won't push back on the food thing with your wife though - at the very least to confirm your son isn't included in the crazy.

Your main frustration seems to be with time - you want everything yesterday. Give yourself a break. Life's a marathon not a sprint and you're 40 not 80. Recovery from addiction will take time, much longer than 6 weeks. Business development will take time, years not weeks. If you can get your head round this and accept you're allowed to enjoy the journey too, it will make a big difference.

Have a lovely weekend and don't forget to make sure the uniform still fits

stymied

Now might be a better time to discuss how the restricted diet impacted your how and how worried you are about son whilst you’re on this diet than next time it comes round. If you reach an understanding now then you can just remind next time.

Could you connect with Dad of JV to explain how much you value his trust in you but that you have to protect yourself & your family at this time.

I’m afraid you’re just going to have to be super straight with JV & put up with the backlash or put the phone down. It will make you feel !!!!!! to watch someone else buy your dream car, you’re concerned it will impact your recovery and you’re simply not going to do it. He can go with someone else.

alt80

Got half way around the walk before I felt really ill. Came back home and my wife put me to bed. Only woke up at 12.30 FML she’s out with son and dog. Another weekend I’ve ruined. I don’t feel up to completing the walk later and we’ve another planned for tomorrow so will need to do it next weekend. Should get our films together when she comes home though going to do the hot chocolate- weather still cool enough for it.

Re time/ money - don’t think people on here get I need to make up for all I’ve lost through my past spending habits. Only thing good I can do is make money and I’m mediocre at that. My family need some kind of compensation for having me lol.

Re business dev - 100 know that’s a slow burner but things are in place and got a boost on the res side currently. Good staff on board working much better now I’ve quit being paranoid or maybe just my perception there because I’m not being paranoid ha. Plans in place to work to and review. Very lucky to have good people who enjoy their work. I’m very conscious to set realistic goals for staff - don’t want them getting the burnout and becoming disillusioned means a lot to me to try to be a decent business to work for. 

Re slow cooked steak - like the sound of that thanks. Wife got the meals planned for next week but week after that’s going on the menu thanks. 

Re enjoying the journey- I’m quite aware I’m the last person who should be able to enjoy anything. Last few weekends with my family probably only time outside of work I’ve felt safe from myself and happy tbh. Know that goes in a few weeks time wife already planned son’s school friends round for football couple of Saturdays and seeing her parents. Don’t blame her for it and know I don’t deserve to have it but I’m going to miss spending time with them. 

alt80

@warby68 haha re uniform he’s had to wear it for the live sessions - no let up at his school. Though tbf from some horror stories I’ve heard re schooling over lockdown have to say son’s school has been amazing. Wife’s spoken to other parents and not just us thinking that either.

RelievedSheff

You dont have to make up for anything you have done in the past. How can you?

What you should be doing is making every effort to ensure that going forwards you do the best you can not just for business but also for you and your family.

You can't change the past. It is futile trying to do so.

alt80

@stymied yeah think I need to sort this diet thing out. She did go through a long phase of training for strength and eating for it too. Looked amazing haha and no cutting diets for the photos. She’s off IG for the month so was actually really upset she’s done the photos we all feel like !!!!!! for her photos and not even putting them on.

Ha re JV mates dad I don’t think it’s my place to tell the parents their son has a massive coke habit lol. Yeah I don’t want to go getting this AM with him. Nigh on £100k spend to mess with someones head must be a nice place to be ha.

katsu

alt80 said:

Re time/ money - don’t think people on here get I need to make up for all I’ve lost through my past spending habits. 

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Only thing good I can do is make money and I’m mediocre at that.

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 My family need some kind of compensation for having me lol.

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Re enjoying the journey- I’m quite aware I’m the last person who should be able to enjoy anything.

---------

 Last few weekends with my family probably only time outside of work I’ve felt safe from myself and happy tbh. Know that goes in a few weeks time wife already planned son’s school friends round for football couple of Saturdays and seeing her parents. Don’t blame her for it and know I don’t deserve to have it but I’m going to miss spending time with them.

You don't need to miss spending time with your family. You can spend time with them with the other children there,  and/or have family weekends or days, just you three. You can even spend time with FIL and your family together. 

There's a real streak of self loathing here, as I read these remarks. 

You are a very high earner.  Top 5% in UK? Its nonsense for you to be in that position and be mediocre.  Doesn't go together. We all tell you that,  why can't you believe us? 

Who are you "making it up to"?  Your son is in private school. You have a nice house. Your wife has a life of leisure/gets to focus on the house and home. 

Is this about making it up to yourself? If not,  whom? What is the mark at which you get redeemed? 

Why do you really think you don't deserve happiness? You've taken drugs and been a bit of a jerk. That's redeemable (heck, murderers get let out of prison and back into society and you've not murdered anyone). You aren't beyond being loved and being happy. That starts with you, about yourself. 
What is it that makes you feel that you are so undeserving of happiness and love, and to do things you enjoy (time with your family)?  That might be a better Q for the Counsellor than something to reply here as I'm a stranger and we don't need you to tell us all your private thoughts.  I just read these remarks and think you are disproportionately hard on yourself. Some self love and forgiveness might go a long way. 
My heart goes out to you @alt80, so none of this is meant unkindly and you don't need to post any replies you don't want to.  I hope some of it gives you some things to reflect on our consider with your Counsellor. 

We don't have to all make up for the past. Being here is about making a better future.  That's all you can do, and as its all you can do, it's enough. 

Bargainhunter30

100% agree with @katsu. 
We all do stuff when younger that we regret and can't change. I think you are just growing up and whilst it may have taken a while, you are becoming more dependable, reliable and caring towards your family. They have shown that they like having you around and really want to spend time with you.  I also think it's great that your wife is planning activities post lockdown that will involve minimal spending. You just need to get involve and redeem yourself as a family man! Relax and try to enjoy it.

RelievedSheff

katsu said:

alt80 said:

Re time/ money - don’t think people on here get I need to make up for all I’ve lost through my past spending habits. 

------

--------

Only thing good I can do is make money and I’m mediocre at that.

‐------

 My family need some kind of compensation for having me lol.

-----

------

Re enjoying the journey- I’m quite aware I’m the last person who should be able to enjoy anything.

---------

 Last few weekends with my family probably only time outside of work I’ve felt safe from myself and happy tbh. Know that goes in a few weeks time wife already planned son’s school friends round for football couple of Saturdays and seeing her parents. Don’t blame her for it and know I don’t deserve to have it but I’m going to miss spending time with them.

You don't need to miss spending time with your family. You can spend time with them with the other children there,  and/or have family weekends or days, just you three. You can even spend time with FIL and your family together. 

There's a real streak of self loathing here, as I read these remarks. 

You are a very high earner.  Top 5% in UK? Its nonsense for you to be in that position and be mediocre.  Doesn't go together. We all tell you that,  why can't you believe us? 

Who are you "making it up to"?  Your son is in private school. You have a nice house. Your wife has a life of leisure/gets to focus on the house and home. 

Is this about making it up to yourself? If not,  whom? What is the mark at which you get redeemed? 

Why do you really think you don't deserve happiness? You've taken drugs and been a bit of a jerk. That's redeemable (heck, murderers get let out of prison and back into society and you've not murdered anyone). You aren't beyond being loved and being happy. That starts with you, about yourself. 
What is it that makes you feel that you are so undeserving of happiness and love, and to do things you enjoy (time with your family)?  That might be a better Q for the Counsellor than something to reply here as I'm a stranger and we don't need you to tell us all your private thoughts.  I just read these remarks and think you are disproportionately hard on yourself. Some self love and forgiveness might go a long way. 
My heart goes out to you @alt80, so none of this is meant unkindly and you don't need to post any replies you don't want to.  I hope some of it gives you some things to reflect on our consider with your Counsellor. 

We don't have to all make up for the past. Being here is about making a better future.  That's all you can do, and as its all you can do, it's enough. 

Do you know I have read that word for word and wholeheartedly agree with it all.

None of us have been saints forever. None of us can change that.

What we can change is our futures.