First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Somehow managed to get through to day 45. Idk how. I’ve been thinking about doing it again on and off. Sort of thinking I maybe need it in my life again when I don’t, it’s got a hold over me know that much. 

Enjoyed my dinner. Had a little chocolate ice cream thing after. I’ve been really badly craving a few big meals trying to ignore that advice on here because my wife won’t cook anything else until she’s ready and I’ve been feeling so whacked I can’t even get the energy together to cook. Definitely feel a bit better for having a nice meal. Did the counselling ‘homework’ first time this week and watched a bit of tv with the wife first night in a few I didn’t go to the office after son went to bed. Feel a lot better for it tbh still whacked but less panicked about it all. Would still like the fish and chips though FML. Hate that I seem to need more switch off time.

Managed to get in a poor state of mind unduly concerned about my health I think, give it another month and have a go with the food / water / vitamin d - just ask for blood test for that. Also again feel like time is running out for me and lot of time to make up for - concerned about the debt too looking over the plan over again trying to find savings/ ways to stop spending. Lot of don’t deserve to have any sort of a life thoughts. I’m not looking forward to the world opening- wife is excited like all the other normal people are possibly making me anxious too. 

I know my mate is playing mind games. He’ll buy the AM sure of that wants me to go with him take the various ‘jokes’ and yeah go back to his and get !!!!!!. His dad is a top bloke, meant a lot to me when I was given the responsibility of managing their property so I don’t really want to lose the portfolio but could do with losing the mate tbt.

elbree

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling anxious. It's hard to stop beating yourself for mistakes made in the past, we all do it. I nearly lost the roof over my 3 year olds head a few years back. I feel so stupid looking back. You can't go back and change the past but you can continue making the better choices and move forward.

alt80

@elbree hope you're doing better now. Not been at the point I've not been able to make all the payments so can't really imagine what it's like to be in arrears. Have had tenants in those situations, it's !!!!!! horrible to deal with as a LL and sometimes things can't be worked out tbh think about those sometimes hoping they're ok.  

I was making progress I thought but it doesn't last long the telling myself I can only move forwards. I go back start looking through figures working out had I not built personal debt which I've done many times over how many extra units. Spent 30 mins yesterday calculating where I'd have been with my portfolio using various different scenarios. Know I need to stop doing it. Get to the point where I start thinking I should spend no money, wishing I didn't want cars and didn't care about my res home. Part of me wishes I could drive a Fiesta and sell my res home buy something as cheap as possible not even care about area put the money into making additional income from buying more units then hating myself for wanting to keep the house and the RR. 

elbree

I am thank you @alt80, it was a bombshell when my daughter's dad left but I managed to keep paying rent and it's taken me 4 years but I've paid off about £16k and am now debt free except for my car balloon due next month (don't ask what it is - defo not a car you'd like! 😂). I totally understand the destructive desire to go over every decision and add up all the times you went wrong, over and over. Calculating and re-calculating. The sleepless nights worrying. But it did pass, gradually the good decisions began to outweigh the bad and I began to feel not such a !!!!! idiot. I would never risk that security now for anything. 

maddiemay

Paspatur said:

Withdrawal from substance abuse can take up to 100 days or even longer depending on the severity and longevity of the addiction. Alcoholics need sugar, drug addicts need carbs. You are suffering typical withdrawal symptoms - fatigue, lack of concentration, restlessness, anxiety, mood swings and sleep problems. A diet of chicken salad and extreme exercise will prolong these symptoms. Growing children also need carbs so please stop allowing your wife to feed you and your son an inadequate diet. You can get back on the limited diet once recovered from drug abuse but your son needs carbs. Good luck. I have a lot of experience with ex alcoholics and ex drug addicts and once you get over this phase you will be much happier and healthier.

alt80 Please read the above over and over and !!!!!! take note from someone who knows what you need to do, and keep away from JV bloke, I will not write the word "friend" after JV, he is not a friend, all he wants to do is drag you down again.  Do you really want the throw 45 days effort away - that is what you would end up doing.
None of us who have been rooting for you and trying to offer you support want to see you there.
Take care please.

getmore4less

Good to see the business is going a lot better now you are letting the competent people you employ get on with their jobs.

You should keep out of the way more often


If you are craving big meals that is your body saying  feed me feed me, the more subtle cravings(other than sugar) tend to be aimed at looking for specifics

Simple changes that will help
Have a bigger breakfast, for an energy filled day that is what kicks you off even a bit of jam or honey on the toast will help a bit but some carbs probably the main thing that is missing.


Schedule a 30min-60min break in the middle of the work day and eat something proper in that time,  you can still do a bit of work but things like reading emails where you can eat at the same time at a desk(away to different area would be better).

In our old office we used to have  "lunch meetings"  and have food brought in,  work was done but everyone could eat, the meeting would often be general stuff or a bit of brain storm and banter was OK, people would come and go, sometime it would be a walk to the local curry house but they could be 2hr lunches so had to have something important on the agenda,

With WFH it could be done Zoom style  also gets some of that essential social interaction, not all about work work work. 

Look at your overall intake, you are probably deficient everywhere more of everything will probably do the job, there is something behind the meat and 2 veg.


Not sure why you keep going back over the numbers they won't change no matter how many what if you do.

The other thing to think about is your what if will be the  perfect scenario and life is not like that you might have messed up in one way but there would have been plenty of other to take their place.

Interesting you thought of something along the same lines.
I was going to suggest  ditching the wife selling the RR and the res,  sofa surfing in your empty units and project stream while waiting for a new tenants, if desperate sleep in the office or even more desperate with JV. 

That extreme no spend does not look that attractive
.
Why not stick with the middle ground current 5 year plan, use the £8k pm wisely that way you don't need to up your income and still have a great life and the business will grow plenty fast enough.

Out of interest how big are your chicken portions and how varied is the salad?
What ways is the chicken cooked same every day or varied 

Chicken is probably OK long term as part of a decent diet but no mention of  veg or carbs on those days
Asian style rice/noodle/veg   salads or stir fry are very nice with chicken either in the dish or on the side 

ladyholly

Quite honestly if I were you and your wife wont cook I would either do it myself or just to annoy her take you son and go and get a takeaway and then sit at home and eat it. It is not right that just becuse she is being ridiculous and harming her health by trying to be too thin that she should be doing the same to you.

I think that your JV person is no mate. He just wants to drag you into the destructive habits  he has. You dont need it and while losing his portfolio might harm your business which is more important. Your health and wellbeing and that of your family or his money.  Tell him that your employee is dealing with his portfolio and then delete his number from your phone. If he removes his portfolio so be it. You will survive and find other business to take his place.

You dont need to keep reworking your figures with imagined scenarios they are not real and only make you more anxious. You know your budget for personal money and that only needs checking up on once a day at the most just to make sure you are on track. Your business is different but to keep going over and over the figures i destructive. I do wonder if you have your business running so well you are now bored so have to keep going over the same ground time and time again to prove to yourself how awful you have been.  You have make mistakes but that is irrelevant  now. We have all done stupid things in the past but today is a fresh day and tomorrow is an unknown adventure embrace it.

Have a great weekend, relax and have a good meal. You have earned it.

alt80

Went to sleep early last night, couldn’t keep my eyes open. Not much better today but better enough to know I was going down the road that leads to doing the stuff and mad spending. 

Had a nice breakfast. Food makes a big difference for me. I need to eat and sleep or I’m not very well mentally. I’d not really been doing either and pushed myself to do more fee earners than I’ve done in years. I don’t like being lazy but when I’m not eating/ sleeping properly I struggle with everything. Work always the last thing to go - probably should be the stuff for the counselling. Don’t want to go back to using- come too far this time and I’ve got my wife and son they are enough reason for me to stay on the wagon.

Was getting obsessed with the health and the debt/ money stuff. Still feel like I’ve got a lot of time to make up for and not enough time to do that but I know I need to let go. Also need to park the health stuff/ scan.

Not much planned today deliberately tbh just a long walk route done lol and a few films. Last few weekends I’ve definitely got my family. Wife already planned some post lockdown weekends with son’s school mates and her parents.

RelievedSheff

See what a good night's sleep and a decent meal can do for you?

You sound much more level headed this morning. 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Had a nice breakfast. Food makes a big difference for me. I need to eat and sleep or I’m not very well mentally. I’d not really been doing either and pushed myself to do more fee earners than I’ve done in years. I don’t like being lazy but when I’m not eating/ sleeping properly I struggle with everything. Work always the last thing to go - probably should be the stuff for the counselling. Don’t want to go back to using- come too far this time and I’ve got my wife and son they are enough reason for me to stay on the wagon.

It is not lazy to take time to look after yourself by eating well, having some down time from work and having enough sleep.  Most people struggle to function if they devote too many hours to work but you do seem to equate down time as being lazy.  Work hard and play hard is our ethos.  Get the balance between home and work right and you could be happy. 

Obsessing over making and not spending money will not make you happy by itself.    Your JV mate should show you that.  Do you think he is happy?  

I think you may also have misunderstood the ethos of MSE and I feel I have to correct you re various comments  you have made over the last few days.  The site is here to help people make the most of their money and share money saving tips.  It is not to stop people spending on discretionary things like holidays, meals out etc etc.  MSE is not against people spending per se. I think maybe because you have been focused on the DFW forum alone you have realised this is actually a tiny part of the website and there are useful tips on other boards too. 

I am glad you had a decent meal and slept well last night and have set aside some time to relax this weekend.  Maybe having no devices will also help you get over this difficult time as I seriously thought you were spiralling downwards over the last few days.