First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

No need to be feeling guilty about spending some quality time with the family. Everyone needs some downtime. You need to find that healthy balance between work and time spent with the family. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction with it.

enthusiasticsaver

I would avoid the mates who like the self destructive stuff like the plague after lockdown is over. You have to ask what is wrong in their lives that they have to abuse their bodies, destroy relationships and waste money  for the sake of short term highs. The JV mate lives with his parents so that is the only reason he lives in a nice place. Who wants to live with their parents at 40 even in a 2 million pound mansion? I would not envy him in the least. At least you have your own house and family and business so you are streets ahead in my book.

I personally would continue to focus on clearing the cards (not a fan of perpetual shuffling) and worry about RR balloon nearer the time. Even if you have to finance it you will be in a much better position with no credit card debt. As for the variable spends £70 on a few plants and pots is a bit daft IMHO. I think you both need to be careful you are not straying into the spend just because you are bored or still get some high from it. 

alt80

Got a better sleep than in a while 1/7ish. Had breakfast and did workout back on it. Not sure what’s different this time. Probably because I’ve chosen to engage with all the help and not make promises I’m not sure whether I can keep but 20 days today since I’ve touched the stuff or had a drink. I don’t want to remain in contact with a few mates who are destructive for me. Keep working on my marriage instead. Not their fault or mine but a lot of guilt about potentially binning people from my life post lockdown. Although think I need to.

Not sure I can carry on managing my mate’s portfolio long term - he expects me to meet up during lockdown never mind after.  He called me late last night wanted to know if I was going to keep on the ‘boring’ road or meet up, holding the fee earners over me 100% wasted sniffing it whilst on the phone actually made me feel ill thinking about it lol. Nothing to do with business just wanted to !!!!!! with me, told him to speak to one of my staff who actually does the day to day management in future. 

100 he just wants to get wasted and make me feel like !!!!!!. Not saying I don’t become an arrogant !!!!!! on it because I do but def struggle to deal with him when I’m entirely sober ha shouldn’t have said something I did basically told him to see where he gets starting from nothing rather than on the take from mummy lol. Worked hard for what I have and any opportunity he gets he has some comment to make last night it was him only doing me a favour by ‘giving’ me the portfolio management as he knows I’ve ‘always been a bit hard up’ and he ‘doesn’t like to see a mate struggling to get by’. I don’t need the work from him and have really tried to point him in the direction of the person who looks after his property but he won’t speak to them, never did. Will only deal with me and that’s nothing but an excuse to come round here for a few days. Sounds mad but I’m seriously considering whether the revenue from his portfolio is even worth it or if I need to step away from dealing with him altogether. Deal with the parents every once in a while, they’re totally different - lot of respect for them, his dad was a bit of a mentor to me, still is when we speak but he’s getting on in years struggling with his health now don’t really like to disturb him and the son is meant to have taken over from the mum and dad but hasn’t quite worked out really. Know the parents worry about him terribly. He calls me a lot - got worse since I told him I was concerned about my use of the stuff and needed time away from it and from deals made after sniffing it, need and tbh want to be sober. Calls me most days tbh wasted trying to meet up. I’m concerned for him as a mate tbh so complete guilt fest there ignoring his calls ha. 

Wife can’t even stand to listen to me say his name, feels he’s not been a good mate she’s right in a lot of ways. Threw him out once remember her saying to him if he thinks we’re such scum why doesn’t he just leave our home and lives for good. Kind of wish he would tbt lay awake last night after wife had fallen asleep thinking about this stuff right now I feel very grateful for what I have, it means a lot to me kind of good to admit that- don’t feel the urge to spend so much if that means I’m a nobody, it’s a better way to think than always being envious of the next level and the one after etc I think.

@getmore4less / @enthusiasticsaver thanks both need to have a think about best way forward with debt maybe it’s best way for me rather than best way full stop? 

Dreading end of lockdown the more lockdown goes on feel like I’m safer not having the world open to me just have work and family. 

Agreed re £70 in the garden centre 100 that was wife not being able to say no to son. She gets upset about it worries he won’t love her anymore lol.

Ha know what you mean about the living with parents tbf he's been married, got kids but doesn’t see them. Always lived there though won’t leave waiting for the inheritance ha. 

kayannie

Your so called mate is jealous of you - what you've got &  how you got it. Dump him!!

Purplelady65

Your so-called friend sounds toxic. It sounds as if he’s either got his own self-esteem issues so puts you down or he’s just a mean person and knows which buttons to press to upset you or both. Either way I think you’d be better off without him in your life. Even if it means relinquishing the portfolio surely that’s a better outcome than ending up back abusing substances again? He doesn’t sound much of a role model if he doesn’t even see his own kids. Some people in life are radiators (they give and are a positive influence), others are drains ( they take and are a negative influence). He is definitely a drain. He might have his own problems but you’ve got your own to be working on and it’s up to him to sort his own life out. He probably wants to drag you down with him to make him feel better about his own life. 

getmore4less

Re mate
You are probably right it needs to be professional relationship only. 

Put the rates up for management of his portfolio. 

If you have someone that deals with it discuss with them doing the negotiations for contract renewal.

Perhaps the parents would prefer to unwind their position if they are not happy with the succession plan of son taking over, any other siblings. 

getmore4less

I am a net position person. 
No point in paying off CC at 0% to have to borrow at a higher rate later.

The CC won't be perpetual it will go down naturally with a regular payment where it is now or a bit lower as the mins go down. 

ladyholly

Sometimes it worth losing business for you own self preservation. Dump him him and his portfolio and tell him why. You don't want a drug addict dragging you and possibly your business down.
Re your son and wife. If he doesn't learn to budget now how will he cope at uni or gets his own home. For your wife - love doesn't come from giving him everything he wants it comes from teaching him to live a decent and happy life.  He will no doubt tell you both that he hates you and you don't love him but that is pure temper and he won't really believe it. As he grows up he will respect your teaching. Child rearing is hard and we all do the best we can but the best advice I ever heard was stand your child on a shelf., hold your arms out and say jump then walk away. At the end of the day he will grow up and will have to stand n his own feet. You will not always be there. 

Humdinger1

@alt80 well done on telling toxic mate where to get off! Really fantastic step forward; why shouldn't you have said it? He needs to hear it and you still more need to say it as part of leaving behind habits that will destroy your life.  Agree totally with @enthusiasticsaver re not wanting to still be living at home at 40, even if it is a palace.  As I've said before, some people need every advantage that money can buy; he is one of them.  One thing you could do that would demo your friendship is to say that yes, you are going down the "boring " route and when he's ready to do the same, you'll support him but not before.  You are allowed to grow as a person and he's just trying to keep you in a box to keep him company.  He's probably lost former friends as they've grown up.  Why should you be the one to ruin your family and probably end your life earlier because he can't tell his a*se from his elbow? Keep going, you are an inspiration Humdinger 

enthusiasticsaver

Well done on standing up for yourself to  the wasted "mate" .  He does sound toxic and like you are better off without him so  yes directing him to someone else in the office, put his fees up for being such an idiot or ditch the business completely and tell him you don't work for drug addicts. Sounds like your wife has the measure of him and he is a bad influence and does not make you feel good about yourself.  I learnt long ago to ditch negative people.   Life is too short to spend it with people who constantly try and put you down. 

As for your son.  Money does not buy love.  All it does is give them a life of entitlement which will be worse as they get older and realise nothing drops in peoples laps for free.  They have to work or there are strings. That is teaching your children to grow up resilient, self supporting and with a good work ethic.  Otherwise they are liable to feel discontented as adults when you cannot fix their problems by buying them a toy etc.