First Steps to Solvency

strawb_shortcake

With the JV mate, you can't fix him whilst you are still fixing yourself. 
While he's not ready to change and kick the drugs, his aim in your relationship will be to bring you back down to his level. With you making fantastic efforts to improve your life, it will highlight his failings and dependencies and that's going to make him feel uncomfortable, to counteract this he will be trying to get you to use again.
I think there is a real risk that in you trying to help him now it will just cause a toxic circle of using, guilt and trying to get clean again. 
In time, you may well be able to help him get off the drugs and make sensible business decisions that are mutually beneficial to you both, but now is the time to take time for yourself and your family, don't ever feel guilty for that.

Onebrokelady

There's nothing sad about planning to spend some time with your family  😊
I think your friend is jealous of you because you have earthing he doesn't, you have your own house and are not relying on your Mum and Dad, you still have your family whereas he has lost his. He is obviously taking drugs to escape from his life which when you think about it is rubbish. I can understand why you don't cut him off because you are quite clearly worried about him but if he doesn't sort himself out there will have to come a time where you cut him lose
When I was with my ex all our social circle and close friends were druggies of varying sorts but I cut myself off from them all because I didn't want my children exposed to those kind of people. It meant I had no friends for about 6 months but I eventually built up some friendships again. Some of those ex friends have since died and some have grown up and got on with their lives. I don't have anything to do with that part of my life now because it was stressful and destructive 

Purplelady65

Your weekend plans sound great especially the bread baking with your son. Well done for planning ahead and it gives you something positive to look forward to at the week-end. 

rugbymadfamily

Weekend sounds great to me! Anything but a sad plan if you ask me.....in fact my weekend looks very similar lol 😆 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Today must be the day for kids going mad ha son wanted to get out lunch time so took him to maccys for lunch shared a chicken select meal wife knows all counted lol !!!!!! obsessed with no one getting fat. As I left she said she doesn’t want me ‘turning into a fat slob’ FML. Son loved it he’d never been through a drive thru before lockdown not something I did either - sit in or don’t bother but he !!!!!! loves going round there in the car haha. I’ve not had a maccys in a long time and back when I used to have the odd one would have rather admitted I’d been on the chang to wife than ate a maccys haha she hates me eating junk lol. 

Been thinking about weekend plan. 

Saturday - big walk will be about 7/8 miles total with wife, son and dog pick coffee up on way home will be Costa but don’t mind their flat white. I’m 100 a sad act, been looking up routes round the park I plan to walk to - 3 mile walk to park, various park routes and 3 miles back. That should take up the morning. 

England match in the afternoon. 

Dinner and watch a film. 

Sunday - no morning plans but cooking going to take a lot of my time. Spoke to my dad and got some recipes. Going to give a bit of bread baking a go too. Said to wife will do the baking with son - her response you’re brave mate ha. Yeah not sure how that’s going to go tbh could be !!!!!! carnage tbf. 

I’m such a sad act that I’m really looking forward to this like a !!!!!! holiday haha. Also planned tv viewing for evenings this week around son’s bedtime/ dog walk - keep away from answering the phone. Realised I don’t really do that much productive in the office at night if not talking to my mate well mainly listening ha or reports that admin should be typing anyway, it’s obsessive looking at figures and doing stupid !!!!!! like changing the colour scheme of a spreadsheet lol. Definitely nothing worth sniffing the stuff to get me through the night. Realising how much time I’ve lost to drugs tbh !!!!!! ridiculous really.

Sounds like a great weekend to me, definitely not a sad act ha! I need to do more of this planning weekends stuff...

It sounds like you are really beginning to turn a corner :-) Appreciate there will still be ups and downs but it's great to read.

ryanm8655

annabanana82 said:

With the JV mate, you can't fix him whilst you are still fixing yourself. 
While he's not ready to change and kick the drugs, his aim in your relationship will be to bring you back down to his level. With you making fantastic efforts to improve your life, it will highlight his failings and dependencies and that's going to make him feel uncomfortable, to counteract this he will be trying to get you to use again.
I think there is a real risk that in you trying to help him now it will just cause a toxic circle of using, guilt and trying to get clean again. 
In time, you may well be able to help him get off the drugs and make sensible business decisions that are mutually beneficial to you both, but now is the time to take time for yourself and your family, don't ever feel guilty for that.

100% this...that will 100% be what is going through his head...have witnessed the same a few times myself.

theoretica

On the JV person it might be an idea to only meet him with the staff member who actually deals with his portfolio also present, introducing them if they haven't met, and emphasising the professional footing.  Part of separating your work/family - and not getting into an environment where going with the flow would lead to where you don't want to be.

Your weekend plans sound great - if the weather obliges! And I am sure your son will enjoy baking with you - first efforts may not be hugely successful or tidy, but that doesn't matter much.

Humdinger1

annabanana82 said:

With the JV mate, you can't fix him whilst you are still fixing yourself. 
While he's not ready to change and kick the drugs, his aim in your relationship will be to bring you back down to his level. With you making fantastic efforts to improve your life, it will highlight his failings and dependencies and that's going to make him feel uncomfortable, to counteract this he will be trying to get you to use again.
I think there is a real risk that in you trying to help him now it will just cause a toxic circle of using, guilt and trying to get clean again. 
In time, you may well be able to help him get off the drugs and make sensible business decisions that are mutually beneficial to you both, but now is the time to take time for yourself and your family, don't ever feel guilty for that.
@alt80, @annabanana82 and @Onebrokelady are absolutely right - please just keep going.  You are doing what you should be - and a bit of low key family life might be "boring" compared with the rush, but 

an element of retraining your expectations must be part of getting out of this.  You've achieved so much by yourself and Mr Toxic JV has had it all handed to him on a silver plate; sadly, see where it's got him.  It happens more often than you'd think with rich kids but it does put it all in  perspective, no?

alt80

Thanks all, yeah oddly looking forward to weekend. @rugbymadfamily would have never guessed you'd be watching six nations match ha.

Sleep not up to much but life generally a lot better without the stuff in my life tbh. Hoping I don't go back to it and do need to limit contact with mates/ acquaintances who use it. Tbh only really in contact with JV mate right now who is being a !!!!!! nightmare. Yeah 100 he keeps calling me to meet up wants 'the dream team' back - his words lol. Def hear what people are saying on here tbf he could buy a high value home than mine, the whole parents situation is a choice thing because he can't bare calling anything but that house his home even lived there with his wife and kids before they left - weird imo but not like that was ever a choice for me haha.

Suppose it'd be nice for him to get it sorted - his use of the stuff is a lot heavier than mine ever was tbt and I'm concerned for him. Understand not my problem but still difficult.

@theoretica haha might suggest meeting up at comm office hand him over to the person that actually deals with his portfolio - he doesn't want to discuss that lol. Would be !!!!!! hilarious though ha.

Sun_Addict

I’m glad you’re looking forward to the family weekend, it sounds great and will win you brownie points with the wife and son. Agree with the others your JV mate is jealous of you being a self-made man with a family. He’s not good for you, he’s a loser and wants to drag you down to his level.