First Steps to Solvency

Humdinger1

@alt80 a couple of ideas that might  help change your train of thought 1.  Picture food eg apple, piece of pie, look at it and then bring on the next 2.  Fairground monkeys.   3 unconnected people, real or imagined, alive or dead each playing an instrument.   One of my favourite combos was Elizabeth Fry on banjo, Boudica on organ, Einstein rapping.  Often play this and end up laughing myself back to sleep.   You really are doing so brilliantly, keep going

ladyholly

I do think £70 on plants and pots for a child's bedroom (which you say he won't look after) is a little excessive. A couple of cheap plants with equally cheap pots would be enough. This is not about what you can afford but giving your son a sense of the value of money. Perhaps in future give you son whatever amount he can spend (agree with your wife before you go) and when the money is spent that's it but the agreement must be he can choose whatever he wants within his budget even if you think it is rubbish unless of course it is detrimental to him. If he argues or throws a tantrum take him out and go home. Annoying if you aren't ready but better a few times of that than having a brat. He will learn fairly quickly as long as neither of you gives in to the its not fair argument or anything else he comes up with. Just tell him life isn't fair so tough. If there is something special that costs more perhaps return during the week and get it for birthday, Easter, doing well at school work or whatever you choose. Instant gratification is not good for anyone let alone a child
You are doing well even if the sleep is erratic says she functioning, barely, on under 4 hours last night. 

RelievedSheff

I know it is easy to say. But try not to worry about the sleep. Worrying about it will make you less likely to sleep. 

FootyFanDan

Sorry to read the sleep still isn't getting any better, I can't imagine how bad it is trying to run pretty much on empty for the majority of the week. I think it is good to want to achieve the best in yourself mate but maybe comparing with others who sounds like they have had it handed to them via family money isn't the fairest comparison. Yes you admit you have made some errors of judgement money wise but you have built up a fantastic business from nothing, I think you need to give yourself some credit for that. 

katsu

Humdinger1 said:The things that have helped me most are 1. Being grateful for the sleep I did get, by reminding myself that I'd soon be able to catch up and 2.  Appreciating the stillness of the night, almost seeing it as a gift.  I know this must sound barking, but once I took the anguish out of it, it was so much easier to drift back off.  Keep going, you are doing brilliantly Humdinger 

I'm quite similar. When I walked up in the night (maybe you are right and it's business travel and jet lag that is the ruin of us? ) I think how great it is I can lie in a comfy bed for X more hours.  It's easier to go back to sleep if you say you'll just enjoy a physical rest for a few hours longer.

getmore4less

Going to have to bang on about the variable send budget. 

The reason it is easy to go under is there SFA to do and spend money also the main spend(groceries) was pretty generous.

It's OK putting the spare on the debt now but that spare won't be there later  in the year and the current allocation may not be enough if you don't plan for it changing. 

You need to break it down for the year because as the demands on that cash grow it may need more and you need to have that balance in your head. 

Take an easy one, Xmas has some sort of normality this year, what's that going to cost.

You need to have these demands on the cash discussion now, you had £70 not on the pan yesterday, that will grow into multiple £100s as things open up. 

It's up to you(family) where your money goes but I am seeing you putting it off till later that's OK for a bit don't leave it too late. 

Remember it is not just the big ones, there will be more, snacks out, more fuel in the RR, maybe more clothes etc. 

It does not have to be micro managed just the high level stuff like are we having days out does the kid get a budget etc. 


Good new on the house thoughts, living the dream on that one, enjoy it for as long as you can, you were in great danger moving on for no reason(sensible one). 

When you can't sleep try to plan a date night or a family day out. 

As I got up a bit early grabbed a nap 13:15-14:20, no cooking today it is leftovers day. 

Good match.

theoretica

As you have noted, the very thing about variable spends is they are variable - but they have some predictability and there will be some spending.  I think you must be used to a somewhat similar sort of budgeting in business with a sinking fund - you don't know exactly what will be needed when, but you can be sure something will be needed sometime and have averages to work with.  I divide off things like food and petrol which have a fairly consistent spend, and I can't cancel just because I fancy a treat.  I think of the rest of spending as a size/frequency thing - over the year I expect to have a lot of £10/£20 spends and a few larger ones, fewer as they get bigger!  I don't know what they will be, but I know about how often they will come up and how much thought I want to give depending on how large the spend is and my running total for the year.  If £20 spends started happening every single day that would be an issue for me, but I'm not going to agonize over each one if I am making about one a week.  I also don't try to fit the larger spends into a fixed schedule smaller than a year because one a month or every other month would be silly and could easily lead to spending with less consideration because a spend was 'due' and then missing out on something I wanted more because of timing, but look at the running total.

alt80

Had a decent (free) afternoon watching the rugby with the family. No beers, still on the sober February ha. 7/26 planned alcohol free days for the month. Not had a drink for 19 days in a row, nothing else either. Not feeling well still, phone tells me I managed 4.5 hours sleep last night - don’t wear trackers etc just worked out from when I put the phone on the bedside table and when I picked it up. Roast chicken dinner this afternoon cooked with wife after the rugby then a dog walk so time been occupied. Bit of guilt for doing absolutely nothing work or finances related. Wife thinks I need to learn to have this time off, rest and relax ready for week ahead. Wish I could do it without the guilt tbh would probably be good for me.

Re sleep thanks all. I’m really struggling with it but need to keep the hope going. Will try anything to get a decent night, back on the hot chocolate and herbal pills this evening on wife’s orders ha.

@ladyholly thanks I know where you’re coming from re son - it was too much. Did have a bit of a conversation with wife about us cutting spends down a bit - she gets him whatever he wants whenever he wants. Tears from wife she’s worried he won’t love us anymore if we’re a bit stricter about what we buy for him but also worried he’s going to become a brat too haha. Catch 22 for her. Pretty clear to me - needs to be reined in and not give in all the time to his wants. Not even demands, doesn’t get to that stage he wants, she buys ha. 

@FootyFanDan you don’t want to know mate ha, it’s !!!!!! horrible. Iswym re comparison - always been the ‘poor’ one amongst my close mates done my self worth little good tbh. JV mate likes to take the !!!!!!, used to stay here a lot but always some ‘slumming it’ comment etc. I see why - he lives in a massive place c.£2m worth and all he’s known. Stays here regularly during normal times because there’s !!!!!! all there and yeah I know it’s banter and I know what he has is measurably better in every sense but still it feels crap to have someone keep telling you want a ‘pauper’ you are ha.

alt80

@getmore4less Match was good mate, good call enjoyed by all here thanks, great afternoon had.

You’ve summed up 100% one of the reasons I’m dreading lockdown ending. I possibly need to let go of the notion of using the variable for debt spends and plan what I am going to use it for with wife as you say. As I said I didn’t used to do family weekends only started that really from when I went on the pumpkin trip with son/ wife/ in-laws haha. Wife will wonder what the !!!!!! is wrong with me planning date nights and family days out ha but might try it - nothing to lose really and gives me a ready excuse why I can’t meet a couple of mates who like the self destructive stuff post lockdown.

@theoretica 100 that’s what I’m used to in business and how I tried to plan my budget - see so many on here doing £50/m for x and £70/m for y, feel like I’m doing it wrong having the £1,550/m for variable spends as a whole. Actually good to hear someone else using a similar system to me.

getmore4less

Well superbowl fail here, got a bit sleepy so tried a nap but was too late around 10pm, planning 1hr, woke up on time but the bed won so back to sleep.
It a catchup watch now. 


Did think there was another way to look at your CC debt.

If you can keep the shuffle going and keep the fees low say max 1%py on any BTs.
This is the cheapest debt you have anywhere, res or business.

A better strategy might be just pay the mins for now  focus on the RR balloon, a bit of life(nothing crazy), even a bit off the res or retain a bit

When it come to the variables the large number per month has the same issue as the smaller number pm you need to look at the forward cash flow, the pot method works better for those that can't see the bigger picture(annual plan) and need to put a bit aside on income schedule for most that's a month. 



You need to be looking ahead for those months that will go over allocation, because you need other months to go under and have carryover. 
The allocation still needs to be planned or you just end up with another its only £70 we can afford it from variable we are under. 

The reality check is you can't live the lockdown life for 3/5 years so plan what yours will look like, preferably with the family, rather than fall back into the old routine.
Once people can meet again engage with the in-laws could be critical to maintain the good run avoiding the bad influences

Maybe try to plan something with the more positive people you know like MG mate where you can all go. 

Good to hear you managed a day off,
We all need them, as the rugby worked maybe plan that for a few more Sundays while 6 nations is on.
Maybe look for  movies for the evening.