First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

Had a really nice evening in last night. Didn’t really do a lot just film with son and hot chocolate treat for his school work, watched part of a tv series, bit for the counselling and bed. Didn’t touch work all up to date so just decided to have a break come back to planning another time - can get myself in a mess overanalysing for some ‘miracle’ or just something I’ve missed. Doesn’t help and is another obsessive thing. Was meant to look at figures for personal but didn’t do that either got a bit too late. Wife persuaded me to sleep instead. First time in months I’ve been able to completely switch off for an evening but paying for it now anxiety through the roof for not having done the spreadsheet get it sorted at lunch if I can. 

My problem with personal debt isn’t a lack of understanding, more a lack of control and belief it isn’t a problem spent years justifying it to myself. Yeah I know. Looking at past decisions for what they are and analysing the value has let me consider whether things were worth it or not. Has been a source of the ‘punishment’ though so not sure it’s an approach for everyone- 100 need to be objective and I suppose be able to move on, put the fact you’ve lost that money for good behind you and you are where you are- that’s what you’re building from like it or not. Really !!!!!! difficult tbh but long run hope that exercise will have been worth it for me. Def makes me think twice about buying. Do the numbers and come back FML going to end up having the spend freeze haha even wife came back to me after her reminder going off this morning said it’s not worth it - 100 her decision left it to her, see what she did I suppose. Actually said one of the items in wish list she didn’t even like that much haha I’ve been there too.

I would not worry too much over not doing the figures last night.  
On the credit card limits, given you have been known to go mad in the past I would reduce your credit card limits or close cards if you really do have £100k limit.  Sounds like both you and your wife have come up with a tactic to avoid the impulse buying. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff I’m coming to the conclusion I need to be less obsessive generally tbh. Long had issues with guilt if I’m not doing anything work related/ productive but worked a lot better today for the break last night iyswim. Time to really concentrate on a different lifestyle generally I think mate.

@getmore4less thanks mate don’t have prime - anything we order on Amazon are ebooks down never really seen the point. Don’t even have Netflix lol. Just watching a bbc series The Serpent. Told my son we’ll watch the food factory one - they’ve been doing Charlie and the chocolate factory so he’s love that. 

@enthusiasticsaverI’ve not cancelled cards didn’t when I did the refinance and should have so yeah c£100k. Been thinking about this a fairly often since I’ve been on here tbh. The cards are locked away apart from our everyday one. Long term I’m thinking keep the everyday card and ditch the rest. Can always get a 0% purchase/ or use directors loan if need be but will mean have time to think and plan repayment rather than just spending. Wife thinks I should cancel them even with the debt ratio goes up as a result. Not looking for any new credit soon apart from commercial. Considered saying bye-bye to the multiple cards many times whilst I’ve been on here - didn’t due to the further advance situation now that’s all sorted probably time to take action.

getmore4less

Plenty of good stuff on the main channels. 

Get the beta BBC iplayer for 4k HDR. 
The nature programs are good family viewing. 

We are going to add Spirals into our list been recommended by a few people we know. 

Purplelady65

@RelievedSheff I’m coming to the conclusion I need to be less obsessive generally tbh. Long had issues with guilt if I’m not doing anything work related/ productive but worked a lot better today for the break last night iyswim. Time to really concentrate on a different lifestyle generally I think mate. 

Pleased to hear the break yesterday has led to increased productivity today. You obviously have a strong work ethic if you feel guilty about having any down time. It’s great to have a strong work ethic but not to the point where you’re working all the time plus the impact it has on physical and mental health. I’m assuming if your parents were running a pub and restaurant they worked long hours too so maybe it was a pressure / expectation you put on yourself when you started working? 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

@enthusiasticsaverI’ve not cancelled cards didn’t when I did the refinance and should have so yeah c£100k. Been thinking about this a fairly often since I’ve been on here tbh. The cards are locked away apart from our everyday one. Long term I’m thinking keep the everyday card and ditch the rest. Can always get a 0% purchase/ or use directors loan if need be but will mean have time to think and plan repayment rather than just spending. Wife thinks I should cancel them even with the debt ratio goes up as a result. Not looking for any new credit soon apart from commercial. Considered saying bye-bye to the multiple cards many times whilst I’ve been on here - didn’t due to the further advance situation now that’s all sorted probably time to take action.

I am not convinced lenders really pay a great deal of attention to debt ratio unless people are right at the top of their credit availability.  Given you are at less than £30k if I remember right you have scope to get rid of a few of the cards.  Keeping two is fine I think given you use one for day to day expenses and having one spare is always a good plan.  Obviously you need to clear them first though. You sound so much better. 

alt80

Sorry from me, still not sorted my spreadsheet should have updated figures by now. Probably will do before bed or I'll be up all night. Will probably leave update until tomorrow - check what I've done haha. New budget day anyhow and 100 no intention for any unexpected spends. Keep plodding on with the counselling stuff and taking one day at a time. Happier Jan was to say hello to a neighbour sort of cheated this one as I don't think the res neighbours would appreciate me knocking at the door during lockdown so saw how 'neighbour' / tenant at comm was getting on - works alone so think he appreciated a socially distanced masked catch up haha what's the world come to?

@getmore4less my son loves the nature programmes watched one on apple tv - brilliant. How do I get the beta iplayer? Tbh I always find plenty to watch on iplayer without paying extra subscriptions. Have some tenants who don't have a tv licence and just use netflix haha. 

@Purplelady65 my parents worked silly hours. Mum had two weeks holiday a year and took my sister and I to London for a long weekend near Christmas rest of the time she was up at the crack of dawn for guests (B&B/ restaurant/ pub) and stopped at 11.30pm every day, seven days a week unless they went to the races but that was pub outings anyway so 'working' in a way iyswim. Remember my dad telling us she had two weeks bedrest on his orders when she had sister and I then she was back to cooking fry ups. Absolute machine, 100% respect from me and probably why I do struggle with the whole situation with my wife tbt. They still work hard, run a restaurant in Greece but much quieter (not really a tourist place). Both parents in 70s, both graft harder than I ever have so tbt I'm !!!!!! ashamed to have years of chronic stress my mum would be disgusted if she knew tbh. Not workshy don't get me wrong but no where close to their level of graft. My mum always used to tell us anytime we were being lazy 'the devil makes work for idle hands' - not religious herself really but 100 thinks it's a crime to take a break haha.

Just reminded me when she found out my sister works a 4 day week, rings me up in full screaming banshee mode 'didn't bring her kids up to be slackers'. Two things my parents hate - being workshy and drugs ha.

@enthusiasticsaver yeah I think you're probably right. Nothing I need to borrow on the personal side for a while - mortgage fixed for 5 now and cars not an issue. Think I'll cancel the cards with no balance on. Thanks again - your posts always give me something to think about haha.

rugbymadfamily

Really nice to read your posts last few days, seem to be more level headed. I can fully appreciate how tough it is, but keep plodding one day at a time and before you know it, weeks and months without using will have flown by.

Definitely agree re cancelling a few cards, lowers temptation as no "money" available. Great work on the new impulse spends prevention technique, I'm actually going to take that forward myself - really good idea.

Keep taking sleep when you can, normal patterns will return as your system returns to normal. Stay strong.

Purplelady65

I’m sure your mum would be concerned not disgusted about your stress levels and you work really hard and long hours so you’re just as much a grafter. Wow your mum must have an iron clad work ethic if she thought your sister was s slacker for working four days a week!  It seems as if you’ve picked up on your mum’s mantra of ‘work is good, idleness is not’ and adopted it for yourself. If you can learn to allow yourself to have time off / downtime without feeling guilty or busting a gut before you allow yourself any time off that will be a positive step. There have been loads of great suggestions from others about possible interests and hobbies you could explore. 

katsu

Great comments from @Purplelady65.  I learnt from my parents to always be working or volunteering or helping people. Even hobbies were usually helpful to others   I'm trying to figure out now I've achieved a good income how to achieve a good work life balance! 

Your posts definitely feel calmer. Sounds like you can tell like we can. 

ryanm8655

Haha, I love your definition of not working hard...I think you’re underestimating what you put yourself through work wise. Probably don’t realise how much you actually work given it’s a distraction for you quite often but from what you post on here you’re a grafter...wouldn’t be where you are if you weren’t ha.

Your parents sound nuts ha. Completely respect the mentality but also respect your sister’s approach. 4 day weeks are fine if you can afford it and it doesn’t sound like she struggles ha. Presumably has kids too. Seems as though she’s happy and that’s the main thing ultimately. We all enjoy different things in life. Some people value free time a lot more than the money they’d earn working, for some work is their hobby as well.

Your recent posts seem so much more level head, it’s great to read. I appreciate you’ll still be struggling but hopefully you are also noticing things moving in the right direction so keep it up.

On the cards, I’d just close them down. Only reason not to is for other 0% offers but even then closing them can open up other 0% cards (as I found). Can understand keeping them as a security blanket but don’t think you need to now, as you say. I had that mentality for a longtime and ultimately it led to me using the cards again and rebuilding the debt. Had £8k from one bank that they gave me at uni, didn’t use the cards at all for probably 6/7 years but kept them “just in case”, which was what the guy in the bank said to do when I opened my student account...ended up maxing them years down the line...