First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Another day lost to sleeping all afternoon lol so much for a full day spent with my family not even working or anything else just sleeping haha. At least asleep can’t really do anything self destructive. Son has noticed why am I tired, am I not well etc. He’s worried about the virus and if it’s going to ‘take me away’. Feel awful putting him through that when I know real reason for why I’m feeling like this. Reassured him it’s not the virus so has wife. Showed him my negative test result haha. Managed to win the happier January too - put away digital devices and be in the moment. That’s what I lay on my bed to do just have 10 mins away from everything going on in my head worked well until I fell to sleep fml can’t even do that right lol. 

Wife been looking at stuff to buy again told her to put it in wish list and reminders go back to it in a few days. She said to me she thinks it’s compulsive lol I get that both as bad as each other haha knows when she’s bought some stuff makeup etc the girls are just trying for a deal but she feels like she has to have it. The other night I wanted to buy some stuff on JL website and a fragrance. Did exactly what I told her to do came back to it today with the reminder. Know I don’t need any of the stuff, not missing out by not having it and not spent more money that would be better put to paying my debts off or as the case is right now not getting into further debt ha. First time I’ve not had the anger/ self hatred about not buying because it’s just not really wise to so calling that a win. Usually I just feel like a loser because I can’t buy every damn thing in the shop.

She now reckons she’s addicted to IG lol fml make a right pair we do tbh I think she actually is. Couldn’t keep away from it but sobbing some of the people on there make her feel like !!!!!!. Started following the £20k Cartier workouts etc again. Started doing her own workouts in Cartier haha FML. Made me laugh tbf but then she’s crying because she feels she realises why the PE teacher didn’t used to let them wear jewellery. At least given me a laugh! Compulsive in other ways, exercising to the point of injury then not recovering properly and getting injured again, she’s in that mess with her foot at the moment - physio helping and actually listening for once. Told her she’s not 20 any more needs to take a bit more care of things now. Both of us 100 destructive neither of us want that for our son tbh she said to me today she wants more balance in her life too. 

@RelievedSheff I can’t deal with a fortnights holiday mate. Do it sometimes. Like a week but 2 is too much for me lol. 

Sleep don’t need this much ha wasting my days just in different ways.

@theoretica/ @ladyholly/ @KxMx/ @Onebrokelady thanks will actually tell her that if it’s just one they can form childcare bubble with. They actually have two or did before new lockdown. Now just one as the other one can cope with wfh. 

Walking - in-laws ruled that out no mobility issues etc just don’t feel it’s ‘in the spirit of the lockdown’ basically know wife won’t keep distance haha told her that and she went on the rampage lol. 

@ryanm8655 thanks mate, hoping it gets easier FML will be back on it soon if I can’t keep awake every afternoon lol. Tbf know it gets better thinking back to breaks before I do feel a lot better in myself tbh.

Ha re wife. She’s a bit childish sometimes when it comes to parents and she’s very upset she feels they’ve put one of her siblings above her - she’s not used to that, they usually all rally around her - she’s spoilt basically always has been lol. 

@Onebrokelady agreed re in-laws wife can’t see that though. 

Re mental health, I’ve basically been dealing with chronic stress/ burnout so yeah iswym. Don’t even know why re stress lot more are more resilient than me another character flaw lol. Hope I can just carry on one day at a time/ engaging with the help re drugs. Really want to call that day but aware I’ve said it before and not particularly easy for me. Think same thing as spending applies with it, park it in the moment and come back. Probably won’t even want it then just park it again ha.

ladyholly

I was just reading about an ex crack addict on BBC website who says he copes by saying I won't have any today but leave it until tomorrow and then the next day does the same ad infinitum. He has been clean for 12 years.

enthusiasticsaver

Great to read a more measured post  from you which usually indicates you are in a stable frame of mind. Sounds like you and your wife have had a constructive conversation and can support each other as you now both know you are compulsive spenders although it sounds like you might have cracked that one and it is so good to hear that the self loathing is not there today.  Sleep is good so I would not worry too much about that.  Time enough to get back into good sleep habits once you are completely clean and can get into a routine.  As your wife says you both need balance rather than these highs and lows which sound exhausting. Best to take it one day at a time and get some coping mechanisms in place for when you find it tough going. The reminders is a great idea and one I have used myself in the past. 

Whilst I understand why  your wife is upset about not being able to see her parents as OBL says you should only have two households in a childcare bubble so as she is a SAHM they presumably figure she does not need their support as much as maybe one of her other siblings who works. Not a question of them choosing one over the other just being pragmatic as to where they direct their support. That is happening all over the country at the moment. It is a shame she cannot see that but if she has always been used to getting her own way and she is now finding resistance from you re the spending and resistance from her parents re the lockdown it may just be too much but hey none of us are finding this easy.  

Judes123

You are doing so well Alt. If you are tired and need a nap,or go for a lie- down and feel drowsy, try setting an alarm to go off in ,say, an hours time. That way you re- charge the batteries/ take time out, without being wide awake at bedtime because you have slept too much.
Regarding the slugs on the sunflowers...save egg- shells ( from boiled eggs). Break up and scatter around the sunflowers when you put them in the ground..Safe for your son and any pets.

ryanm8655

ladyholly said:

I was just reading about an ex crack addict on BBC website who says he copes by saying I won't have any today but leave it until tomorrow and then the next day does the same ad infinitum. He has been clean for 12 years.

Haha. Literally came here to post the same thing...copied the relevant paragraphs:

” He still struggles with the legacy of his addictions. 

"I still fantasise about using crack cocaine, it never goes away. I just have to learn to manage it," he says. 

"I use a trick. I'll say, 'Yeah, I want a nice, big rock today, but you know what? I'll use tomorrow.' And then when tomorrow comes I'll say that again. I can handle this tomorrow-never-comes scenario - I've been doing it for 12 years - but infinity without the drug is too much to handle."”

Really interesting and also logical. I struggle with lockdown more when I think about how long is left/how much longer it might go on for...

alt80

Start of new week tomorrow. Thank you for the support I have received on here it is much appreciated, no one got any reason to help me so I’m very grateful tbh. I am working on the issues with addiction not just using drugs tbh it’s been the spending too and obsessing over business sounds odd but think that’s been destructive sometimes when not approaching with right mindset. This stuff tbh has caused my financial problems. Engaging with getting it sorted but stepping back from the smash it ASAP mindset really working on one day at a time. Really am very thankful because a lot of the responses I’ve had on here have enabled me to think beyond the hurt and paranoia I’ve had going on in my head. Tbh helps you don’t know me from Adam ha no pretence I suppose lol.

@enthusiasticsaver I’m doing a lot of the chill app lol. Probably seems a bit pathetic but helps me. Did the stress exercise, seeing the good in the bad. Winding myself up about my income but at least have an income that is actually pretty good rather than getting massively wound up there are people doing better in business etc. 

Got wife on the chill app tonight haha think it might help re her parents and some of her self destructive stuff too. 

@Jude123 thank you and for tip re sunflowers. Sleep hope I get there with routine. 

@ladyholly/ @ryanm8655 I read the article too. Not where my delay tactics came from tbh do it in business when I’m of the right mindset. Can’t make a decision on something park it and come back. Used to do it in my personal life too with large purchases. Just lost myself in madness.

FootyFanDan

Hey mate, sounding a lot more composed with last few posts which can only be a positive. Sleep patterns are all over at the minute for you (says the guy wide awake at 3am !!!!!!!ha) so getting it when you can is wise. Sorry to read your son has picked up on the tiredness - the virus thing is also causing alot of concern with everyone not just the young ones. Here is hoping for a good week. Keep going, I know it doesn't always feel like it but you are dealing with so much and doing well.

enthusiasticsaver

What a great post @alt80

Nothing pathetic about using the chill app if it works for you. If I feel the need to relax I either stick my earphones on and listen to my relax playlist or play the piano as I need to shut everything else out when I do that. If the chill app does that for you wonderful. Great coping mechanism. 

Stepping back from the smash it attitude is also showing you are actually calming down a bit. A much more balanced and reasoned approach to sorting out your finances and no self loathing. 

Thinking of ways of helping your wife is also fantastic. 

I hope you have a great week. 

warby68

Good morning @alt80
A great post last night and the big achievement of a clean weekend.
I hope you have a great week and that you have enough in your arsenal to plough through any rough patches.
The one day at a time advice is spot on. Sometimes it pays not to look too far ahead. 
Hope your wife finds her balance a bit more this week too - when you're supporting each other I'm sure it helps. 
Get plenty of rest and keep checking in and don't forget your packed lunch lol
 

RelievedSheff

Good Morning @alt80

Hope you have a great week.

Don't worry too much about sleep patterns at the minute. They will return. Just sleep when you can right now and let your body catch up.