First Steps to Solvency

efes_shareholder

alt80 said:

@efes_shareholder not a smoker but well done on quitting. My dad was a massive cigar smoker and gave up - he did something similar actually and worked well for him. Tbh it’s not like smoking for me that I’ll know I’ll get x in a day or whatever.

Yeah from what I know longer without less you want it been there tbf had a few months off before plenty of times and definitely less bothered about it. Tbh I thought I’d finished with it for good over lockdown 1.

Son does some extra curriculars through school. I was thinking about him joining a football team locally too (he loves football and wife wants him to also). Nothing else, don’t think he needs anymore activities etc. All cost money too and pay enough for the school tbh. Wife would probably enjoy getting involved, not for me though I’m not that good with kids tbh son is more than enough on that front. 

Send him along , he will probably a trial time before any finance needs to be put towards it and it will be no where near as much of an outlay as his school etc - just another way to extend your network too with parent group/friendships too.
You should appear to have an obsessive/compulsive nature and it would help if you could channel that somewhere away from work , money and cars..................

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

@ryanm8655 thanks mate. I’ve not spoken to them since as it happens. Wife sees them at school. Not really stopped feeling bad about it tbh don’t even like picking son up from school their kids come round the house if I’m here I don’t leave my office it’s a nightmare tbf. !!!!!! paranoid son will get older and they’ll tell their kids and will get back to my son. 

Have no mates left apart from the one with the MG who don’t do it so can 100 relate on the not seeing people who don’t do it. 

Don’t have any more. Don’t know why I didn’t throw it down the sink tbh mate should have done but didn’t. Tell myself no one got a clue or it’s just paranoia but they probably do know.

Need something to get through 2 years min having no money what though idk.

I know what you mean on the avoidance front and feeling anxious but my advice would be to face it. As soon as you have the dread will disappear. So next time the kids come over go and say hello or something, join in in their kick about. A lot of that anxiety and dread about it will go. Likewise at school, if the opportunity arises just say hello/ask them how they are etc. I'd suggest the fact they let their kids come to your house suggests they aren't that worried about it...so perhaps you've blown the whole thing out of proportion in your head. Of course, that doesn't mean it couldn't have turned out worse so I do think it's important to acknowledge the negatives of the coke...

Make more of an effort with MG guy and maybe ping old friends a message just to see how they're doing. Was chatting about this with my mate on the walk last night, saying how lockdown reveals the people you are friends with rather than just being the people you go for a beer with as it doesn't take much to send a message and check in with someone. Like your staff check -ins, you may find it means a lot to both them and you and that they're happy to hear from you.

Elements of it will be paranoia, coke, while it makes you feel amazing for a short time, does instantly raise anxiety and cause paranoid thinking. If you take too much you can even start hallucinating and turning delusional (have read a lot about it in the past). For what it's worth one of my old flatmates does it fairly regularly and did while I was living with them. I was clueless as it just wasn't on my radar, only became more aware from spending more time in London. It's rife...and in the finance industry is quite a big part of the culture from what I gather...there was an article in the metro about a spreadsheet circulating around different banks which was a long list of numbers with ratings on quality, price etc. https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/3504456/city-traders-drug-culture-laid-bare-by-spreadsheet-with-ratings-and-info-on-45-cocaine-dealers/ You're certainly not the only person going through this turmoil...

I wouldn't think so far ahead. Take this in smaller steps. For now you've got to focus on getting over the problems with the coke, I'd be open and honest with your addicitons consellor about it, how regularly you get cravings, how often you've done it etc. Owning the problem is the first step and saying it verbally to someone in the real world will go along way to that ownership. Maybe from there you can work on some goals with the counsellor, I don't know how it works...

alt80

@RelievedSheff I can’t get excited about it tbh if no money to be made. Like driving tbf get a bit of a thrill out of it when I had ftype but not got that anymore so do get the whole weekend release thing but that’s gone now.

Do exercise/ bit of running but doesn’t give me a buzz. Little bit maybe hitting PBs etc but know it’s pointless really. 

@efes_shareholder know it’s not a massive expense, just don’t want anymore commitments tbh got enough going on in my head.

strawb_shortcake

On people being able to tell, my Mum always had blinkers on when it came to my Brother and she'd take him at his word when he said he had hayfever in November!!
Since a lot more has come out and they've had to bail him out financially, she now accepts and acknowledges there is a drug problem.
My Mum now manages his money completely, at his request, I'm sure he's had his blips but it has made a huge difference to how he is. He had got to the point where my Mum seriously thought he might be suicidal. 

My Brother's rock bottom was nearly being repossessed twice in year, we don't know the full story but he came to my parents 3 hours before he had to pay his mortgage company £7k before they took repossession. 

He's similar in some respects to you when it comes to social circles, all of his friends are into that, for a small town it's a widespread problem. His "girlfriend" lives abroad he's not seen her for nearly 2 years he can't afford to go as he's bought drugs and then he gets depressed and buys more drugs, it really is a vicious circle. Trying to break that circle when you are surrounded by it makes it even harder

But there is some really good help out there when you are ready, but its probably a lot easier to get that help before you find your "rock bottom"

KxMx

Alt I know your diary is long but perhaps go back and see just how many times you have said you will stop using the drugs and you are done with it. 

Addiction recovery isn't always a case of never using again, there are ups and downs, but until you admit your addiction and get professional help and support you will in all likelihood carry on using regardless. 

Personally I would address the addiction first then look into a rigorous mental health assessment.

MH illness and addiction be that spending, drinking, gambling or drugs can often go hand in hand, one fuels the other and it's a vicious cycle until the individual wants help and seeks it. 

alt80

@ryanm8655 they know I don’t spend a lot of time with son tbh. Definitely not a proud moment though mate lol. 

Have had too much before a couple of times hospital jobs. Long time ago though and def no plans to go there again. 

I have admitted a problem with it in counselling and the counsellor is a specialist. It’s between the sessions I have issues. Breaking it down into day by day etc so !!!!!! hard. Same with the debt. I’d been in debt for years, never really been out of it but it’s nothing like this. Didn’t even used to think about it now all I think about is getting a fix and the mess my personal finances are in. Can’t concentrate on work, more or less stopped the fee earners I make !!!!!! stupid mistakes my staff pick up at peer review all I think about are those two things to the point of exhaustion tbh. Get somewhere with business just getting through days working well, feel it’s going to be ok. Weekend comes, that’s it, gone to !!!!!! again sometimes weeks to get back from that. Know it’s jeopardising any hope of growth that kills me in itself. 

KxMx

If it's in between counselling you need support then contact https://ukna.org/

It takes courage to admit you have a problem, you've done brilliantly again to identify your weak points now reach out to someone who can help in those moments. 

alt80

@annabanana82 I don’t want it to destroy my life. Wife said last year she’s giving things a year not just that, debts too. I know I’m just waiting for the inevitable. 

@KxMx thank you almost went to a cokeheads meeting didn’t and tbh all about god etc not my thing. 

Said it a lot I know. Can’t spend more money on it now so I am done with it. Just wish there was a way I could enjoy the boring stuff in life not need a buzz.

getmore4less

I know I bang on about the detail  and that is very important, know where it is all going.
  
But once that overall plan is in place the juggling of the detail starts to become more about trade offs like I need £20 for something no Starbucks this week.

At the top it gets more macro just play with the big numbers, the little ones can't help any more.

April 2024 is ~36 months give or take and the CC with balloon lets say £73k(£25k + £48k) (take a bit off for sales)

Current CC payment and the BMW £1700pm

73/1.7~=43months something has to give but that is not so bad as it is more like 39 months till April 2024 and there is room for some growth. 
A 42month plan, that is achievable not impossible which will just scramble your head.

incentive to make business work better to bring it back  but do it properly not drug induced dodgy deals.
playing with the household budget will help but I think if anything needs a bit of cash it is the food eat nice, feel good.

Once we open open up from covid I think you need that bit of room you can squeeze from the food budget

OK this does leave the elephant in the room its back to the BMW going and no(personal) cost option through the business for a run around.

What's the alternative if you keep the BMW or spend just as much?

73/1.1~=66   that makes it a 5year plan inline with the mortgage.

Me, I would give up a second car to have it done in 3y,  sooner if I kept  the sensible head on 

alt80

@getmore4lessBasically the same figures that I’ve come up with mate. Def scrambling my head to try to reduce it get gone asap every !!!!!! day trying to find some other way of getting this !!!!!! off. Regret 5 year fix, with cards gone could have got the remo on res home and RR sorted. Stupid in long term but would make life a lot easier.

Stressing me out tbt and keep thinking I’m going to be knocking on the door of 44 by the time this is gone older if I keep the BM be knocking on the door of 46 FML. No chance of AM if I can’t sort my head out and get working on the growth. Even then it’s 2 years as is so far as the personal money goes.

Worse if wife says bye bye end of the year haha.