First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

Try and stay off the coffee today. All that caffeine won't do you any good. No use swapping one stimulant for another.

If you want a good nights sleep then you have to help your body and mind get that. Stay off the stimulants and perhaps take one of the sleeping tablets tonight. Avoid looking at the personal finances today if you can. 

alt80

Really didn’t want to get up this morning lol. Wife dragged me up made breakfast. 100 need to stop doing this to myself. Hard to get through days when not getting enough sleep. Wrote some stupid stuff on here lol.

Today meant to go to bed early. Wish I could do that every night tbh if I could get to sleep rather than staying up doing stupid stuff I regret.

@warby68 I see what you mean. Income around doubled in 10 years was at £7k/m though for past 7ish years. Not much growth since only get what I do now through letting accountant help re wife allowances. Used to be a bit funny about that tbh but realised just paying more tax to feel a bit better. Technically my income has gone down and she ‘earns’ a bit ha. 

I disagree re schedules etc can see it how it sounds when written out but I’m not controlling. 100% if she were a bloke who chose not to work would be expected to do cars/ gardening/ household maintenance jobs - she doesn’t work so I expect it from her too. 

Don’t need the other people in my life really. Just missing them and will do in future. She wants me seeing no one who does the stuff have practically no one left. Counsellor is full of finding other people/ interests etc. More time with family. Enjoy that sometimes but don’t get that buzz I need from it tbh. 

@getmore4less thanks mate re kids clothes think you’re right tbh. 

Re wife charging me for jobs done haha.

@Nicnak yeah wasn’t exactly in best frame of mind last night. 

Eating in car not something I ever did before lockdown tbh. Only something I do occasionally now not a habit I want to form. Not sure what problem is tbh I like to keep my cars nice.

@RelievedSheff can’t keep away from stupid stuff I can’t.

RelievedSheff

Try switching to decaff. You can still have the taste of coffee just without the stimulant. Your body will still think you are having coffee it just won't keep you awake at night.

alt80

Thinking about joining alcohol thread lol. Don’t think I really need it for drinking but would be good to keep accountable. 

alt80

@RelievedSheff I did that for a bit ought to really just feel I need the stimulant FML I know ha.

warby68

Glad you're better this morning and hope you have a calm day

Maybe, just maybe if you get the right treatment for substances, the need for the buzz might lessen. It might not be you, it might be a combination of you plus drugs, might be just the drugs. Be careful not to assume its just you and therefore not your fault and that you have to find the buzz somehow. Maybe the answer lies in reducing the need for the buzz, not finding an alternative buzz.

Sooner or later you have to take responsibility for fixing your problems. Noone can do it for you. To keep saying 'I can't'. and its 'just how I am' is not really doing that. Simple as the coffee - you know the score but can't/won't even do that one. 

Very glad to hear how you sound this morning compared to last night. Wife doing the lion's share at home is fine if she doesn't work outside the home but not convinced hoovering the car after you've made extra mess is not just you taking advantage. There are other examples too. I know we aren't in your shoes, but it still 'feels' wrong in the mutual respect stakes. I'm not trying to have a go, its just another perspective. If I cleaned the car every week but husband came home with a mess, I'd happily do it when its weekly turn came, but not jump up and do it on demand - nor would he ever expect me to. 

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@RelievedSheff I did that for a bit ought to really just feel I need the stimulant FML I know ha.

That will be your addictive nature at work.

Give the decaff a try again. It will help with your sleep as well. Better sleep will equate to a better mood generally and a more productive day the next day.

It is a case of having to break a cycle. No one is saying it is going to be easy but when you do break it you will reap the benefits.

strawb_shortcake

Knowing I wasn't the only person that prickled at how you spoke about your wife last night and what she does around the house, your office etc. It is a lot of work and it does come across controlling. Especially when coupled with the half birthday meal allowance (yes you did explain), not allowed to have certain cars, spending allowance etc. It may just be semantics but it doesn't always make for an easy read. And I do appreciate you were feeling particularly stressed last night.

I do know people that earn your kind of money, some have a wife that works, others not but they still spend time on their homes and cars, its certainly not all left to the Wife. 
I do wonder if you engaged more on the house and day to day stuff that you'd feel more involved, it does at times seem as though you are an outsider in your own home.

But I agree with Niknak, you've given your wife some pretty good reasons to turn into your Mother, so shouldn't be a massive surprise when she does. 

alt80

@warby68 thanks mate really !!!!!! depressed a lot of the time you’ve no idea how much I wish I didn’t need a buzz all the time, could find pleasure in life generally. 

Had a tiny bit of the stuff last night. Didn’t even buy it just in my office not really enough to get completely !!!!!! but I know. Have spoken to counsellor definitely know there’s no more in this house. 

I see how it looks re wife tbh but not how it is. 

Coffee another thing I need to sort feel I need the stimulant or will be too tired to work etc. 

@RelievedSheff 100% think you’re right it’s just doing the right thing in the moment idk how to do that consistently suppose that’s why I’m on the counselling.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@warby68 thanks mate really !!!!!! depressed a lot of the time you’ve no idea how much I wish I didn’t need a buzz all the time, could find pleasure in life generally. 

Had a tiny bit of the stuff last night. Didn’t even buy it just in my office not really enough to get completely !!!!!! but I know. Have spoken to counsellor definitely know there’s no more in this house. 

I see how it looks re wife tbh but not how it is. 

Coffee another thing I need to sort feel I need the stimulant or will be too tired to work etc. 

@RelievedSheff 100% think you’re right it’s just doing the right thing in the moment idk how to do that consistently suppose that’s why I’m on the counselling.

You could tell with your style of writing last night that you had a sniff.

You really do need to get some help with that otherwise the rest is just pointless.