First Steps to Solvency

stymied

Is wife still cleaning your comm space now (pre-Covid)?

Boring stuff: deodorant, shampoo, toothpaste, toothbrushes, soap for you & son.
Kids feet grow randomly, sometimes nothing for 6 months, sometimes a new size every 2 months.
Prescription charges unless have cash back plan.
Window cleaner, car parking
After lockdown Beavers, family bowling, swimming
You can’t pay your past self back because then you’d have to pay your current self back with what you’ve taken to pay your past self back. Does not compute. 100 you could deny yourself that bottle of whisky if you really want to punish yourself!

theoretica

alt80 said:

Moving away from Apple - OK if you don’t want to have fully connectivity to your ipad/ iphone imo. I have a Surface Laptop 3 for work there’s a load of different specs of them it’s a 13” one about £1250+VAT iirc, not had it that long, absolutely amazing. 100% would recommend. Tbh think it’s a better laptop than my MacBook Pro but possibly not fair as I’ve had that 3 years now, the MacBook was £2k+VAT after an upgrade on memory doesn’t quite match the spec of the MS laptop.

I look at it from the other side - how often do I actually use the full spec of something - no point paying for spec I'm not going to use and the world has a lot of spec I'm not interested in and some bits that I do want.  My macbook is getting on for 10 years old and most of that time I have been using it nowhere near its full capabilities so why did I pay for them?

alt80

@stymied only the offices occupied by my company. Have a cleaner do the communal. Tbh wife does it better and to my spec. Still does it yes.

General toiletries I buy my own stuff but hear you anyway. Will get her on the data crunch for that.

Kids shoes have set a general budget for his stuff but am going to review with an audit of what he needs. I’m not so hard up I can’t buy my son a few pairs of shoes.

Prescription £250/y through PMI. Tbf we have no ongoing prescriptions so the £250 should be more than enough.

Window cleaner - wife does it.

Car parking - never park anywhere that’s not expensed.

Beavers/ bowling/ swimming - don’t do it. He swims at school.

Whisky - lol tbh probably don’t need it.

Hear you re punishment I know it’s not entirely rational just do figures and feel sick how much money I’ve wasted tbh.

@theoretica hmm I don’t really get you there. I’d rather have something nice that I don’t use to it’s full capability than something not so nice to live with iyswim. 

alt80

Whole thing seems hopeless right now. Sat staring at spreadsheets in my office. Feel like I should have cash left at the end of the month tbh not trying to work out where every penny going. Know a lot earn less and still make it work. Wife doesn’t even care, not !!!!!! it for me now but just goes off to bed sleeps for about 8.5 hours straight, gets in bed asleep in 10 minutes max. No idea how people can do that tbh. She’s always slept well not a !!!!!! care in the world. All on me. 

Should go to bed but can’t be bothered to deal with another night of crap sleep. Got into a vicious cycle with that again and drinking 8/9 coffees a day idk why I do that sometimes. Gives me palpitations lol.

Lockdown ends won’t even be able to meet my mates !!!!!! banned. Wife said she never wants to see me with JV dude ever again FML. Can’t even have a bit of fun anymore. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Whole thing seems hopeless right now. Sat staring at spreadsheets in my office. Feel like I should have cash left at the end of the month tbh not trying to work out where every penny going. Know a lot earn less and still make it work. Wife doesn’t even care, not !!!!!! it for me now but just goes off to bed sleeps for about 8.5 hours straight, gets in bed asleep in 10 minutes max. No idea how people can do that tbh. She’s always slept well not a !!!!!! care in the world. All on me. 

Should go to bed but can’t be bothered to deal with another night of crap sleep. Got into a vicious cycle with that again and drinking 8/9 coffees a day idk why I do that sometimes. Gives me palpitations lol.

Lockdown ends won’t even be able to meet my mates !!!!!! banned. Wife said she never wants to see me with JV dude ever again FML. Can’t even have a bit of fun anymore. 

Keep it together mate. Positives from each day. Give it time and your sleep will get better, your mood will improve. One step at a time. Things will be completely different by the time lockdown ends, both yourself and wife’s heads will be in different spaces. So wouldn’t think about it. Tackle things in the here and now.

If it helps I haven’t had a single coffee or stimulant all day and I’m still awake. Even went on 2.5 hour trek and still not passed out ha.

alt80

Not had a too bad day tbh mate just late at night now sat with the spreadsheets wanting a miracle. Meant to earn more than 98% of population all I can think is how the !!!!!! do they cope lol I can’t get by on my income ha. Meant to have started the dry jan again, had a drink just can’t keep away from bad decisions. Half don’t care, half !!!!!! guilt wracked lol.

Can’t believe she wants to ban me from my mates tbh, like being a teenager again lol. Take it from me marriage 100% not what you think. She’s basically turned into my mum. 

Did sound like you’d walked a long way, you should be tired haha.

I love the coffee can’t keep away from it lol.

alt80

Here and now seems the way to go, have that on the chill app and read the dopamine book twice now. Amazing book tbh but just when you think it’s going to tell you what you need to do it’s just ends with learn to paint or play piano do woodwork or knit or something mix the here and now with the ‘reward’. Not going to get a buzz from that lol no money earned either so what’s the point. Just made a start on the addiction one. Tempted to have an all nighter with it but that wouldn’t help me tomorrow. Probably just go to bed. Hope she’s gone to her room tiny woman but can take a lot of space in a bed ha.

warby68

I'm not sure if this will help or not but will try to put your income into perspective.
If you take off 2 things that many don't have - school fees £1k, debt £1k - that leaves £6k
If you imagine both partners earned it instead of just you, that's £3k each
So, very good but not spectacular either, not when your wants are so far up the scales for most things.
Before you adjusted the cars, you were spending almost all of one of those £3ks on them.

HOWEVER, I think you have more or less doubled your income in about 10 years. If you do that again you will be very nicely placed by 50.

Its mainly a case of too much too soon

PS I don't want you anywhere near JV mate, never mind your wife or your mum. As usual you take this as a personal slight and not just blindingly obvious common sense that someone is a bad influence.

I know you're not in your best state right now, but its so clear that your senses of proportion and intent are way off. Is it you or is it long term use of a brain and body altering chemical? I'm tempted to believe its the latter as the glimpses of the levellled out you are so different, the kindness, the fairness, the appreciation, the self-deprecation.

There are some things which set my nerves jangling though - your wife having cleaning specifications for everything right from the start and all the 'my' this and 'my' that. You are so caught up with your image but feels like only for you and not your wife - well off people have a bit of help, she IS the help. I suppose its fair enough if that was your deal as a couple, she didn't work but did do a massive amount of donkey work to suit you but still feels very controlling and like she is in a subservient role. I'm beginning to see why she sleeps well, she's knackered.

getmore4less

Who will be cleaning you office when she get a job. 

She should set herself up a odd job lady and start charging you for the cleaning, gardening and car washing. 

£150 for a kids coat he will grow out of quickly no wonder you run out of money.

Get out of JL and down to TKMax or onto ebay for a nearly new like your kids coat will be next year. 

Warby has nailed it on your JV mate.
Reality check you can't trust yourself be grateful you have someone trying to stop you FU yet again in something you should have worked out for yourself. 

Willowtree222

Can tell you weren't in the best place last night. Hopefully you'll read last night's comments and see them in a different way this morning. 
I'd act like your mum too if you can't be trusted to stay of the stuff for the sake of your family and debts. 
You can be really resentful towards your wife at times but I've just read that if you had food in the car you come home and you get her to hoover it out. She also does the windows and other bits from the last few posts. She's doing a fair bit including the cooking.
Just to emphasise, if you ate food in your car and came home and asked me to hoover your car, you might find the sucker stuffed somewhere in your anatomy. 
Hope you have a better day.