First Steps to Solvency

ryanm8655

warby68 said:

Its only a little over 2 weeks since her last blowout. This shouldn't be happening. After all the talks, surely she knows that.
It really is no surprise you are lying awake if you are unable to make her see she has to stop but are also unwilling to restrict her access to funds. 
A blunt question, but why is it still so ambiguous with her?
We regularly shop in the sales to buy nice things and replenish staples at better prices but you just don't have the means right now, well not for £1450 worth.

Exactly. No wonder you are struggling to sleep, also underlines that she is just as responsible for this mess as you.

You need to turn off the tap and give her a budget. I know it’s a bit controlling but if she isn’t mature enough to play ball then I see no other solution. I get that it’s hard when she’s been spending like you have a money tree but that’s life...merely 2 weeks after the last blow out, falling out with her parents, falling out with you and causing you sleepless nights, and she’s contemplating another blow out. It’s selfish.

Sun_Addict

It won’t come across as controlling if you sell it as why don’t we allow ourselves £X spending allowance  each out of the budget. Then she has the freedom of having money to buy things but if she wants something more expensive she’ll have to save for it. It’s a pain when one person isn’t on board with budgeting, I’ve been there myself. 

dawnybabes

£1450 is just silly money, at this age he doesn’t need everything designer.  If she’s that shallow then have some for best then the rest normal clothes. 

alt80

Managed to get out for walk this morning, get back escaped to office wife on the clothes again agreed to work out what son needs tbh I agree with you on here about his clothes. She doesn’t. Tbh never realised how much she spent on his clothes didn’t pay any mind to it but its a lot and he doesn’t care that much / grows out of stuff quickly. She’s also decided some £400 D&G cropped top and a £600 Balmain skirt that looks like something a hooker would wear are ‘bargains’ for ‘when we get out again’. FML bargain for her = in sale online and in her size. Tbh never paid any mind to her spends over the years. I usually take a big dividend at the end of the financial year which I do actually clear off cards not happening this year - although business been good, lockdown 1 happened. Tbh not the wisest use of the money- would be better retained and used towards buying units only ever really took because I knew my card spending was out of control needed to make some kind of dent in it. So probably is waiting for the ‘money tree’ idk.

Not gonna lie I’ve considered giving her a set amount and did actually mention it to her. That’s financial abuse apparently and according to her could land me in prison. Who knows cba with the fallout to find out tbh. Think the reality of this is biting so far as she is concerned tbh and she’s decided a few years living to a budget getting the debt sorted isn’t for her. Had her moaning this morning on walk anyone who’s anyone is in Dubai right now. Someone we know through property heavily funded by god knows who in the UAE been there all winter. She’s been back on the IG this morning sees them in Dubai decided that’s where she wants to be.

@getmore4less already on it re block. 

alt80

Sun_Addict said:

It won’t come across as controlling if you sell it as why don’t we allow ourselves £X spending allowance  each out of the budget. Then she has the freedom of having money to buy things but if she wants something more expensive she’ll have to save for it. It’s a pain when one person isn’t on board with budgeting, I’ve been there myself. 

Seems like a good idea but with what we could potentially take out of variables for ‘personal spends’ won’t buy much.

Yeah can’t say I’m pleased about it tbh. 

Willowtree222

It's not financial abuse its living in a budget and will not land you in a prison. Monitoring everything she spends, taking her purse off her and extremes to stop someone leaving or having a life is financial abuse and cohesive and controlling behaviour. She should listen to some of the stories of people who have experienced it.
There's nothing wrong with supermarket clothes for children. They don't care what they're wearing as long as they like it and it's functional. 
£1000 on one outfit? That's 10 years worth of clothes for me. 
Think you need to reduce her credit limit. I get you don't want the fall out but you also can't continue cleaning up after her and falling back in debt because she sabotages everything. That's not helping your mental health. 
She wants to spend it, she needs to go earn it. 

JGB1955

My husband has a 'clothes  allowance' of £20 per month - currently £172 in credit.  Two or three M&S shirts a year, a pair of trousers, maybe a £50 pair of shoes - he's sorted!  I have to say, your wife appears to be seriously high maintenance.......

dawnybabes

‘She wants to spend it, she needs to earn it’

this x1000

She has absolutely no idea of the value of money - could you get her parents onside ?

alt80

@Nicnak yeah can’t really see the police taking it too seriously myself either tbh. Tbf I am monitoring what she spends and she is monitoring what I spend. I do get I’ve spent a lot in the past probably more than her so she doesn’t want to miss out as not her fault I’m in debt. I get that. She’s not actually bought anything yet just looking putting things in baskets and telling me what a ‘bargain’ they are ha. Don’t think she’ll buy without discussing it after the whole GoPro stupidity.

Don’t feel great today have really tried to make an effort after work with son but also with her; find a film to watch, make her a nice drink etc know it’s not much but keep her off the IG. Weird sense of disappointment right now. Sure she’s been perpetually disappointed with me ha so maybe due.

@JGB1955 Tbf I couldn’t live to that budget either lol. That’s one way to put it I suppose. 100 my fault really.

@dawnybabes I’ll ring her dad tell him I can’t afford her he’ll have to have her back. 😆 Seriously they’ve not fully made up, her dad would be disgusted lol. 

Willowtree222

She has to want it as well Alt, and she doesn't sound like she is as on board with this as she needs to be. The 50k kitchen was her idea as well so don't think it is just you in this. 
You are a partnership and she needs to work with you during this time as well as the time when she can spend a little more. 
I know she hasn't bought, but putting £1000 for one outfit in the basket isn't helping you. 
You are trying and hoping she sees that. Spending time together isn't always about the money. Gnomeo and Juliet is on the TV and DD is loving watching it. She hasn't seen it before and she is the same age as your son. Perhaps he might like it? Sing is also on later. 

I think your FIL would be even more disgusted if he saw more of her behaviour.