First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Happy New Year all. 🥂

NYE was somewhat strange being home only shared a bottle of champagne with my wife, nothing else to drink but we got out for the fireworks and just went to bed after. I slept for 10 hours haha. 9 hours last night too hopefully that’ll reset things for me a bit.

New Years Day wife and I discussed a lot of things. Shes trying no IG this month has deleted the app. Whether it will last or not who knows. 

No spend day yesterday and no plans for spending today either.

Didn’t fail dry jan at the first hurdle. Made the in-laws laugh though they never thought a day would come where I refused a drink ha.  

Weird one on the personal money front wife and I had a bit of a disagreement re income. She said she doesn’t think I earn that well I said to her I know it’s more than most around here she’s got a skewed view from IG - honestly sees no life lol. In anger she finds some ifs government site; types household income and council tax (no idea why they ask for that 😆). Next minute she’s sobbing again apparently 97% worse off than us - not sure I believe that tbh and assume it discounts London but she was devastated that if we are top 3% and struggling to have a lifestyle where’s everyone else lol. Tbh I see everyday I’m doing ok half the reason I think I’m coming to terms with being ok with laying off the lifestyle and sorting the payback out. Told wife IG 100 not real - she has no idea if some of the stuff she sees the big time influencers wearing or going on hold is even theirs or if it’s been given by brands. Think she finally gets that in her own way, feels like she’s been cheated.

enthusiasticsaver

Happy New Year and glad you are sleeping better and steering clear of alcohol this month.  I am not doing dry January but I don't drink much anyway.  We probably only get through one bottle of wine between DH and I every few weekends and the odd gin and tonic.  I had a gin and tonic NYE and DH had a beer so no champagne for us.  

It does not surprise me you are in the top 3% and I am sure that does include London.  Having lived there I think there is a misconception everyone there is wealthy whereas there are quite a lot living below the poverty line and when we were living there although we had a good income we had no spare money due to high housing costs.  IG is not real life so I am glad your wife has deleted it.  Full of shallow celebrities with more money than sense but usually they come to grief when people wise up to them.  I think if you only move in circles of people similar to you there is a tendency to  forget that there is a whole swathe of people worse off who have lives which would be untenable for most of us.  Volunteering at a homeless shelter would let her see just how lucky she  is. 

ladyholly

I don't know much about ig never having used it but I can pretty well guarantee that much of it is not real life. I can understand your wife feeling cheated if she thought it is. She really does need to find something to do that involves real life. I know people have suggested a food bank etc but I am not sure that would suit her but perhaps something like the national Trust if you have any properties in your area. It might also help her to develop friends away from ig. There are many charities and community groups that are desperate for help. It would be worth investigating for the future as obviously the country is on hold at the moment but it does give her time to think about something she might like to do and would bring her into contact with the real world.
I would add happier new year as you move forward as a family. Did you son see new year? 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Happy New Year all. 🥂

NYE was somewhat strange being home only shared a bottle of champagne with my wife, nothing else to drink but we got out for the fireworks and just went to bed after. I slept for 10 hours haha. 9 hours last night too hopefully that’ll reset things for me a bit.

New Years Day wife and I discussed a lot of things. Shes trying no IG this month has deleted the app. Whether it will last or not who knows. 

No spend day yesterday and no plans for spending today either.

Didn’t fail dry jan at the first hurdle. Made the in-laws laugh though they never thought a day would come where I refused a drink ha.  

Weird one on the personal money front wife and I had a bit of a disagreement re income. She said she doesn’t think I earn that well I said to her I know it’s more than most around here she’s got a skewed view from IG - honestly sees no life lol. In anger she finds some ifs government site; types household income and council tax (no idea why they ask for that 😆). Next minute she’s sobbing again apparently 97% worse off than us - not sure I believe that tbh and assume it discounts London but she was devastated that if we are top 3% and struggling to have a lifestyle where’s everyone else lol. Tbh I see everyday I’m doing ok half the reason I think I’m coming to terms with being ok with laying off the lifestyle and sorting the payback out. Told wife IG 100 not real - she has no idea if some of the stuff she sees the big time influencers wearing or going on hold is even theirs or if it’s been given by brands. Think she finally gets that in her own way, feels like she’s been cheated.

Glad you’re feeling a bit better and finally getting some sleep!

Can’t believe your wife thought you weren’t earning well She’s really detached from reality ha. But surely she had some idea of what her parents had money wise...she can’t think they were earning more than you That’s just crazy. I’m also not surprised your in the top 3%. Sure I read £80k per annum puts you in top 10%...

Plenty of people in London that aren’t loaded...plenty that are really poor as well. A number of my friends are doing very well for themselves but a lot of them earn similar to me. If I had your salary I could fulfill all my dreams in London. I have a pretty decent salary and yours is double

enthusiasticsaver

I would imagine a lot of these so called influencers get given stuff to try for free if they have a large following on social media. Maybe she should try that although she sounds quite thin skinned if she can’t cope with negative comments and I bet anyone on IG can be a prime target for that. Twitter is bad enough. Surely her parents and siblings  are on average income? She must also know how much a PT earns and premier footballers only have a short career and many end up bankrupt

Purplelady65

Weird one on the personal money front wife and I had a bit of a disagreement re income. She said she doesn’t think I earn that well I said to her I know it’s more than most around here she’s got a skewed view from IG 

Happy New Year. You have come such a long way in such a short time so best wishes that it continues in 2021. I think the quote above shows your wife isn’t really in touch with reality if she doesn’t think you earn well! I know the ifs website you’re referring to and it does include London. What does your wife think she would be earning if she got a job if she thinks you don’t earn well? I can sort of see if she spends a lot of time on IG following ‘celebrities’ and people she doesn’t know that her view of reality could become skewed and with your son going to private school she probably only sees other families with a higher level of income as well.  I don’t think you can be described as ‘struggling for a lifestyle!’ I think if your wife could see that financially you are very well off compared to the rest of the UK it will make things easier in terms of addressing your debts and being more mindful in relation to future spending. 

RelievedSheff

We watched a documentary not that long back on IG. Most of what is on there is fake. They don't own what they advertise it is just on loan from the manufacturer. It really is as fake as it gets. Might be worth trying to find it and make your wife watch it. It will be an eye opener for her and will make her realise just how fake an unreal it is.

Glad you had a good new years though. Good luck with dry January. Dry January doesn't really work for us as its my birthday later in the month 🤣🤣🤣

riotlady

I think lifestyle inflation accounts for a lot- we have a joint income of about £25k and while I would like more money for security reasons (pension, buying a house etc, although we’re saving for that) I would never get upset over not being able to afford a Range Rover or designer clothes because it just wouldn’t occur to me to want them. My friends all wear H and M and drive old cars, the same as me, so I don’t feel particularly like I’m missing out. Sounds like between IG and the people you surround yourself with, you’ve both been sucked into a very inflated lifestyle and now you feel hard done by because you can’t maintain it. And I do feel a lot of sympathy for that, nobody wants to be the kid at school wearing primark trainers when everyone else is in Nikes, but at the end of the day it’s a cage you’ve constructed for yourselves in a sense. I think a few more little bumps down to earth like finding out how much you earn in relation to the rest of the country, maybe broadening your horizons a bit in terms of your activities and who you spend time with would do you both a lot of good. At least you get to know your tenants and staff a bit, I’m assuming all your wife’s friends are wealthy stay at home mums? Don’t suppose she could be convinced to channel her distress into some volunteering or something? Lots of things will be closed in tier 4 but when it opens up again food banks always need help, or mum and baby groups? I mean the cheap ones at churches and community centres, not baby yoga xD 

enthusiasticsaver

The social dilemma on Netflix looks at the damage done by social media especially if people think it is real. I only follow immediate family and friends on FB but follow some walking, book, travel groups and finance/investment blogs too. 

warby68

Good to see you @alt80 and to hear New Year went ok with the added bonus of some sleep.
The more your wife connects with reality the better although it looks like you will need some patience with the tears. It wll be good for your son too. There's no point being privileged if you don't know you are. Much better to appreciate what you have. She has ended up feeling like the IG poor relation when is reality she's a very lucky woman.