First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

I think if you are honest with your parents it will be another weight off your shoulders and things will become a little easier again. It is a combination of small weights being lifted that will make your life that little bit easier one step at a time. 

The better sleep will come with the above.

alt80

£545/£1550 another no spend day. Everyday ticking over without spends makes me think I can stick to the budget. 

Booked heating guy to come to house next week - issues with central heating, upstairs is freezing. Needed to do something about it. Should be able to pay out of the few hundred quid I’ve got in the home sinking fund rather than putting it on some sort of credit - not going to be a massive job - the boiler isn’t trash.

Sorted my RR insurance auto renew, it does annoy me companies doing that but called them up, had a bit of a row and will get the money back at least. Few months ago I’d have just cancelled online and took the hit. Would never have done that in business so decided that’s how I need to be about the personal finances too - it’s my money they’ve taken ultimately and £55 in my account better than theirs.

Went to costa (expensed), first time I’ve been to the lunch rage one since the lunch rage ha. Same person serving me lol just hope they didn’t remember me bit embarrassing tbh. Another reminder I need to move on, deal with the anger before it’s a problem and I become an embarrassment lol.

@relievedsheff yeah I do intend to have the conversion just not really sure when/ how tbh. Sent a pic of my new project a while back and my dad is messaging me back saying he knew about it through sister, looks a good project and I should ‘help out sister’, pay a bit more for drawings because sister isn’t as ‘well off’ and ‘could use the money’ - get this all the time from him to ‘look after’ my sister because ‘money is tight for her’, ‘you can afford to keep buying £100k cars, live in a bigger house etc etc’ but the absolute comedy one is I ‘should be more generous with “all the cash” I must have “stashed away”’. FML I almost lost it last time he started going down that road and asked him what he’d say if I told him it’s being bought on a bridge, my portfolio is mortgaged to the !!!!!! hilt, the Jag has gone back to the finance company and the RR has been bought with a bigger !!!!!! loan than my sister owes on her mortgage lol. What did I say... told him you don’t stay rich giving your money away and I won’t be taking any financial advice from him. 

Willowtree222

Maybe you should tell him. I don't mean in a shouty way, just be honest. 
It's up to you though 
You want to change and that's the first step. Even the last week you've made incredible changes. 
It's easy to just let things go with your personal finances but £55 is a bit of money. It'll pay for your drive in cinema and snacks!

mothsinmywallet_2

You could apologise to the person serving in Costa? It might make you feel better. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

£545/£1550 another no spend day. Everyday ticking over without spends makes me think I can stick to the budget. 

Booked heating guy to come to house next week - issues with central heating, upstairs is freezing. Needed to do something about it. Should be able to pay out of the few hundred quid I’ve got in the home sinking fund rather than putting it on some sort of credit - not going to be a massive job - the boiler isn’t trash.

Sorted my RR insurance auto renew, it does annoy me companies doing that but called them up, had a bit of a row and will get the money back at least. Few months ago I’d have just cancelled online and took the hit. Would never have done that in business so decided that’s how I need to be about the personal finances too - it’s my money they’ve taken ultimately and £55 in my account better than theirs.

Went to costa (expensed), first time I’ve been to the lunch rage one since the lunch rage ha. Same person serving me lol just hope they didn’t remember me bit embarrassing tbh. Another reminder I need to move on, deal with the anger before it’s a problem and I become an embarrassment lol.

@relievedsheff yeah I do intend to have the conversion just not really sure when/ how tbh. Sent a pic of my new project a while back and my dad is messaging me back saying he knew about it through sister, looks a good project and I should ‘help out sister’, pay a bit more for drawings because sister isn’t as ‘well off’ and ‘could use the money’ - get this all the time from him to ‘look after’ my sister because ‘money is tight for her’, ‘you can afford to keep buying £100k cars, live in a bigger house etc etc’ but the absolute comedy one is I ‘should be more generous with “all the cash” I must have “stashed away”’. FML I almost lost it last time he started going down that road and asked him what he’d say if I told him it’s being bought on a bridge, my portfolio is mortgaged to the !!!!!! hilt, the Jag has gone back to the finance company and the RR has been bought with a bigger !!!!!! loan than my sister owes on her mortgage lol. What did I say... told him you don’t stay rich giving your money away and I won’t be taking any financial advice from him. 

The insurance point is a sign of the mindset change, eveyr little helps and letting all those small amounts go soon mounts up...

A mate of mine is terrible with money, earns shed loads but he's just moronic. Had about 5 gym memberships going at once because he hadn't cancelled them when he moved but just saw them as small amounts so didn't care. But he was spending £250 a month on redundant gym memberships. Not comparing you to this guy btw, he ended up with a CCJ because he was too lazy to sort out paying his council tax, din't even think about it and never opened any post...he's renting a £3k a month flat but has a ccj Even makes me look wise...

As for your dad, that would wind me up too. Fair enough helpig her out in other ways, give her a free valuation if she needs one or whatever but it isn't your job to give her money, I'm sure she's doing ok

But just goes to show how appearances are just that and I'm sure it's the same with the mates you look at that you think have it all...whether it's financial troubles or otherwise.

alt80

@Nicnak I do intend to tell my parents. Easy to avoid though and I have given the impression in the past that I've never had any financial problems so will be more than a little embarrassing. No doubt they'll find out from wife if we do visit next year, she won't be able to sit through my dad asking me about when I'm getting an AM/ moving to some big country pile etc lol. Parents both though I was being ridiculously stingy when I sent them some money over covid lockdown 1, they fell out with me a bit because I told they'd have to go to sister for rest as I don't know what's happening with covid etc. Dad was quite angry, I must have a load of money and not willing to help etc. what he doesn't know, I actually sent the money through PayPal using a credit card. Not one of my finest hours.

@mothsinmywallet_2 I did apologise at the time. Would have looked slightly weird today - fairly certain they won't remember me lol.

@ryanm8655 agreed re the small amounts mate. Feel quite pleased I'm getting it back. Work to such a strict budget on the DDs, the account would have gone overdrawn at the very end of the month. Tbf I could have transferred some of the money which now goes into another account for emergency fund/ holidays/ RR balloon etc but kind of defeats the object. Suppose being strict about it focuses the mind somewhat.

FML re. your mate - I thought I was bad but that's a whole other level haha.

She’s not that badly off: she’s an Architect works 4 days a week employed earns about £45k/a gross and her husband is in IT employed earns about £60k/a gross. They see about £5.5k/m net, both pay into company pensions etc. Built their own house when she was on maternity Architects dream lol. She’s 2.5 years older than me, he’s 7 years older. 3 kids, all state schooled, owe £80k on res home it’s some super efficient house so next to nothing on bills lol and no other property. He drives a 9 year old A6 avant and she’s got a 6 year old A1. Cars are paid for. I get the full !!!!!! story off BIL every time I see him about his salary not rising/ pension/ tiny mortgage payments that he moans about etc etc etc. I did once get absolutely wasted and tell him I’ve got well into 7 figures I'm liable for mortgaged, same night sister also said bet you owe 6 figs on the cars too ha. Sister has met enough developers to tell the real cash money from the ones leveraged to their eyeballs ha. None of that would have got back to dad though.

My dad has always moaned sister had to marry the most boring man on earth, true tbf lol. Hardly drinks because once he got a hangover (not even kidding mate), thinks he’s a !!!!!! rebel because he has 2 lines a week on the national lottery ha. Honestly it’s like she thought about everything my dad was and decided she was going to find the complete antithesis. Only holidays are visiting my parents twice a year and they won’t even pay for a hotel - my parents live in a 1 bed so all five of them camp out in parents lounge. 

Anyway point is 100 they’ll have probably a lot more disposable than me but I’m the one always mugged into paying for meals out etc because I “must be able to afford it". BIL without fail will pick the most expensive thing on the menu no matter what it is and 2/3 bottles of most expensive wine on the list tbf I drink most of it so get my money's worth ha. They hardly ever come up to NG because I "can afford the petrol" to drive to them. Could be a win win telling my dad tbf, he’ll probably tell her to do the drawings for free and when we go out I won't be picking the bill up lol.

RelievedSheff

I think once everything is out in the open with your family,  as embarrassing as it will be to tell them, that things will become easier.

As you say you won't be expected to pick the bills up and the big money conversation will stop. Which in itself will make things easier.

I know it won't be an easy conversation to have. But the sooner it is out in the open the better for you really .

Hope you have a great weekend with your wife and son 👍

alt80

@RelievedSheff definitely not feeling like telling them at all this morning. Spending demons really high ha. Been browsing AM on my phone this morning and the Christmas gift for wife scenario is really getting to me again. Not sitting right with me getting her nothing but she’ll go mad if I spend money. Absolute madness - it’s Christmas I just want to treat her. Don’t even care if she doesn’t get me anything I was thinking about having a trip into town nearer the time set a budget say £200 to get myself something. Not extravagant.

!!!!!! hate weekends right now. At least in the week I can throw myself into the business - not constantly thinking about spending it just making it lol. Weekend wife doesn’t want me working, doesn’t want me spending either and I know that some shops are open again for first time since lockdown. Not going to throw it all away but can feel the justifications of my head saying the debt isn’t even that high now, got plenty of credit available no issues etc etc. Wish I didn’t think this way tbh would be a lot easier to be boring lol.

ladyholly

Not spending doesnt make you boring. I think at the moment having your full attention is thebest present you can give your wife. That and the knowledge that your debt is reducing. It has been said before but you really do need something to occupy your time when you are not working. Preferably something that doesnt involve spending money. What are you interested in - have a good think and forget cars.

alt80

@ladyholly not actually planning to go mad just frustrating. Wasn’t even looking at new AMs. Older one at AM NG £39k only had 13k on the clock. Know it’s not what I need to be looking at trying to see if I can make figures stack when BMW gone - can’t unfortunately.

Got the exercise done which I don’t mind but that doesn’t take up a massive amount of time. Dog walking don’t really count as an interest either lol. Just decided to spend a bit of time working whilst wife is out with son and will make lunch when they’re back.

Only things I’m interested all involve spending money unless making it. Cars definitely my main interest, have deleted car people though so less chance of temptation don’t need them in my life. Also unsubscribed from 2 emails this morning too. Did have a couple of days this week that this didn’t feel like a massive punishment but been busy with working however 7 days a week 10 hours a day not that healthy either so not really feeling like going down that road.