First Steps to Solvency

lostmyusername

alt80 said:

I could make everyone happy get proper succession planning in place, pay the debts, pay house down, RR last car for me just forget about them and houses. Pay down portfolio. 10 year plan and end it. Wife still young enough to find someone decent and no financial worries. Doesn’t have to deal with me anymore good lifestyle win win for her. Would make my in-laws 100 happy to know their daughter fine and me out of the picture. No more bs about them wanting me to be ok. They just want their daughter ok and I 100 understand that actually make them proud ha. Son if I do right thing and keep myself away, make sure he knows it’s 100 no reflection on him and for him it’s better I’m not here potentially influencing him to be the next generation of **** I think he’d be ok and ultimately glad I was out of the picture. My parents not going to hurt them they have their own life probably wouldn’t even come to uk to send me off, sister and I are close enough but she doesn’t need me in her life either. No other family. 

As everyone on here has said I just need to not be selfish. Forget about the 7 figure res home, cars etc think about my family more and do the right thing. Terrifies me as I am selfish but if I could get beyond that sort the finances out I could make everyone happy and no need to put up with me for the good things in life. Need to sort the finances out though and think longer term. Everyone here thinks I don’t care about my family I do because I don’t want to leave them with all my debts to sort out. Cooking a roast for wife today doing the right thing rather than the selfish stuff.

No, baby. I’m gonna start talking frankly to you like I would with my 26 year old friends who get a little bit melodramatic from time to time. 

You are a great success. You are a net positive to society. You are a good person and have some great qualities. You have a drive that is absolutely above and beyond most and you’ve achieved so much off the back of that drive. But god damn, you’re so melodramatic sometimes! 

Your wife and child would categorically not be better off without you. You are worth more than your bank balance or the price of your car or your house. Your family do not see you as a cash cow. If your wife would be perfectly happy just for money, don’t you think she would have married some old man with millions in his account? You’ve said yourself that the pair of you were not so financially fortunate in the past. 

Your son admires you. At the end of the day, we all have our strengths and flaws. You’re showing him he can own his own business, he can work hard and make it. Honestly, you have made it. You have a big house, a nice car, a successful business, a beautiful wife and a clever boy. You are not perfect but none of us are. And you’re facing up to your flaws, which is more than what 99% of people do. More than I do, definitely. 

Just try to take a step back and look at things objectively. 

the_end_of_the_rainbow

alt80 said:

I could make everyone happy get proper succession planning in place, pay the debts, pay house down, RR last car for me just forget about them and houses. Pay down portfolio. 10 year plan and end it. Wife still young enough to find someone decent and no financial worries. Doesn’t have to deal with me anymore good lifestyle win win for her. Would make my in-laws 100 happy to know their daughter fine and me out of the picture. No more bs about them wanting me to be ok. They just want their daughter ok and I 100 understand that actually make them proud ha. Son if I do right thing and keep myself away, make sure he knows it’s 100 no reflection on him and for him it’s better I’m not here potentially influencing him to be the next generation of **** I think he’d be ok and ultimately glad I was out of the picture. My parents not going to hurt them they have their own life probably wouldn’t even come to uk to send me off, sister and I are close enough but she doesn’t need me in her life either. No other family. 

As everyone on here has said I just need to not be selfish. Forget about the 7 figure res home, cars etc think about my family more and do the right thing. Terrifies me as I am selfish but if I could get beyond that sort the finances out I could make everyone happy and no need to put up with me for the good things in life. Need to sort the finances out though and think longer term. Everyone here thinks I don’t care about my family I do because I don’t want to leave them with all my debts to sort out. Cooking a roast for wife today doing the right thing rather than the selfish stuff.

Normally read but don't comment.
If you think that by ending it all, your wife and son will be better off then you are seriously mistaken.  They will carry the guilt of why they weren't good enough for you to stay with them for the rest of their lives.  
PLEASE discuss these thoughts with your counsellor and also speak to some charities who help people who have experienced suicide to find out how the survivors really feel. 

enthusiasticsaver

You committing suicide is not a win win for your family.  There have been comments on here from others who know something about this having been in that position and it will leave them with a massive hole in their lives.  You need to talk about this with your counsellor. 

Even with the amounts you have to pay for the cards and loans you still have a reasonable income so it is not like you are living on the breadline so yes I too think you are being melodramatic.  I think you are so used to the instant gratification and quick fixes from debt consolidations you have done in the past that you don't want to take  the long slow path to debt reduction and living sustainably.  No one does.  It is painful but it has to be or you will be back in the same position but with more debt if you do not change.  No one is saying you cannot aspire to have a bigger or more expensive house or sports car or whatever but it has to be affordable.  You have sacrificed future income to pay for things you bought before you can afford them but it is perfectly possible for you to sort it out but if you have grit and determination and drive as I think you have then you can do it.  If you want a quick fix then get rid of the RR and BMW.

Onebrokelady

alt80 said:

@Sarahwithlove was hoping to go with 2yr to remo and realise money for further property at the 2 year mark, debt paid or nearly so should be able to realise the equity. Probably no surprise wife doesn't want that. I haven't really seen the houses as her's because I've bought them - yeah I know she has joint ownership but always seen it as she came in with nothing so nothing to lose. Sat here typing that quite ashamed we've made a life together been 12 years now. Practically all her adulthood and most of mine.

@lostmyusername / @mamamu I'm not judging others - if you're happy with your home I know that's what winning really is. Mentioned on here a while back I took a tenant out for lunch when we could lol. They'd just bought a similar house to what they were renting, both low paid jobs and had saved really hard. Perfect tenants too. I was and am so pleased for them. They were the kind of people that accept where they are and are happy in life if they can have a small house, a car, family holiday and activities for the kids. Don't need stuff, probably don't hate themselves or know the only good thing about them is earning well. Would rather my son grow up to be like that rather than never enough mentality.

@enthusiasticsaver tbh I thought you've probably been talking from a position of massive privilege, I had my bets on you typing whilst you overlooked Rock beach in a 7 figure house.

I can see it would be nice to have no res mortgage in a lot of ways must be nice not to have the payment going out and know for certain no matter what you can't go back from where you are iyswim. When I moved here I thought I'd never want anything else res home wise. Still get a bit of a buzz knowing its mine on the days I haven't been somewhere better, looking on RM etc. Actually had a week of massive panic attacks after we got the keys, had put myself under so much pressure to buy a house like mine the relief/ elation !!!!!! with my head. Wife took me to A&E once that week, ecg, bloods, chest X-rays, the lot. I was completely out of it, 100% sober too remember the consultant telling wife I need to learn to chill out. She worries I'll give myself a heart attack told her it doesn't work like that but she's all like 'not going through that again for another of your dream houses' lol.

@mothsinmywallet_2 Lol agreed I !!!!!! hate that jacket. Almost worth getting into the debt to know she's not going to wear it again haha. She bought it a couple of years ago was obsessed, had to go to London to get it - it's massive too and she is tiny. Looks like Michelin man.

I bought her a really nice black Moncler smaller fit, not full Michelin man style she admitted it looks better and wears it all the time can get somethings right. 

Hi, I have read all of your diary but haven't commented before, I just wanted to say that you are vastly underestimated the effect that stress has on the body and the heart in particular. Nearly all heart attacks are caused by inflammation which causes blockages in your arteries, even heart attacks caused by high cholesterol are partly caused by inflammation because highcholesterol causes inflammation in the body. When you are stressed enough to need to go to A&E it means your body is flooded with cortisol which then causes inflammation in the body and particularly in the heart. However acute stress is dealt with by the body and your bodily systems will recover,it's when the stress becomes chronic that you have a real problem, constant stress is a killer there's no doubt about it,you really shouldn't underestimate the damage it's doing to your body.
You need to find a way to get on top of this before you do yourself some real damage, I would learn about the stress response and how it effects you and then find a way to tone it down because you are really not doing yourself any favours at all

mamamu

alt80 said:

I could make everyone happy get proper succession planning in place, pay the debts, pay house down, RR last car for me just forget about them and houses. Pay down portfolio. 10 year plan and end it. Wife still young enough to find someone decent and no financial worries. Doesn’t have to deal with me anymore good lifestyle win win for her. Would make my in-laws 100 happy to know their daughter fine and me out of the picture. No more bs about them wanting me to be ok. They just want their daughter ok and I 100 understand that actually make them proud ha. Son if I do right thing and keep myself away, make sure he knows it’s 100 no reflection on him and for him it’s better I’m not here potentially influencing him to be the next generation of **** I think he’d be ok and ultimately glad I was out of the picture. My parents not going to hurt them they have their own life probably wouldn’t even come to uk to send me off, sister and I are close enough but she doesn’t need me in her life either. No other family. 

As everyone on here has said I just need to not be selfish. Forget about the 7 figure res home, cars etc think about my family more and do the right thing. Terrifies me as I am selfish but if I could get beyond that sort the finances out I could make everyone happy and no need to put up with me for the good things in life. Need to sort the finances out though and think longer term. Everyone here thinks I don’t care about my family I do because I don’t want to leave them with all my debts to sort out. Cooking a roast for wife today doing the right thing rather than the selfish stuff.

 You would make everyone miserable by doing this... 
No money in the world could replace you to your son.

alt80

Not thinking about doing anything anytime soon at all. Need to sort the finances out. Tbf on reflection would probably be better for my family if I spend the next ten years sorting everything out then just divorce wife let her stay here, give her vast majority of income / portfolio and at least be around for my son. Live in a rubbish house for them, forget about the cars. Nothing is ever going to be enough for me so why bother but no need to punish family. Genuinely think she’d be happier with someone else and in-laws happy for her etc. Son would be practically an adult so wouldn’t affect him not exactly unusual for parents to divorce.

I send them away so they can have time away from me and not in the right headspace to mentor - who the !!!!!! needs advice from me lol. Car people not interested don’t want anything to do with them I don’t have a car so no point. Work only thing that matters or I wouldn’t be able to provide a lifestyle so have to put my time into that. Not going to get beyond maybe next level so no real point trying too hard I get that’s what you’re all saying I’m not good enough to have 100 strong portfolio 7 fig res home etc. I’ll be pushing 50 anyway so no point in looking at AMs etc anyway would just be some sad old man with first AM. Great. 

Stress levels don’t really matter does it? Not going to achieve my goals anyway as everyone points out so have a heart attack not end of world really.

mothsinmywallet_2

I want to reach into the screen and shake you. You do not get to decide what they would prefer. You can work it out on paper all you want but people have feelings that can't be quantified and predicted. When DH made his serious attempt he had looked up what the long term effects on the children of fathers who had committed suicide were. !!!!!! ridiculous. Part of my job is to work with children who have lost parents. The long term effects are horrendous.

alt80

To be clear I don’t take all income from btl thanks. Some yes but not all. I get I do this because not earning enough through main business and should be at a better level with that by now. I know I’ve coasted past few years left myself in a !!!!!! place now need to take the punishment when I should be at the stage of taking some rewards. Currently going really well in main business, instructions up new member of staff etc not the worlds biggest loser you all seem to think I am business wise. If I wanted to could take more from main business right now but am concerned about the coming year for reasons 100 out of my control so want to leave some not sure what the problem is with that? Pay too much to government as it is so would rather invest any spare by getting involved in projects/ adding to portfolio.

getmore4less

You can have the £1m house and 100 portfolio just not today or tomorrow.

Just need to put a decent plan in place and get on with it. 

strawb_shortcake

My Husband's Mum died when he was 21, she was 47. It took him years to get over it, even now he's 43, there are still days where he finds it hard. Had she of taken her own life the pain would have been multiplied. There was no inheritance, but no amount of money would have made the loss any easier to deal with.

Having nearly lost my Husband when he was 41 to a Heart attack, was incredibly hard the thought alone of what losing him would mean to me and my family is heart breaking. 
Please don't underestimate what you mean to your family and friends. 
If your wife wanted a divorce, from what you've said you've given her plenty of opportunities to go down this route, she wants you in her life.