First Steps to Solvency

Sarahwithlove

alt80 said:

@Sarahwithlove was hoping to go with 2yr to remo and realise money for further property at the 2 year mark, debt paid or nearly so should be able to realise the equity. Probably no surprise wife doesn't want that. I haven't really seen the houses as her's because I've bought them - yeah I know she has joint ownership but always seen it as she came in with nothing so nothing to lose. Sat here typing that quite ashamed we've made a life together been 12 years now. Practically all her adulthood and most of mine.

@lostmyusername / @mamamu I'm not judging others - if you're happy with your home I know that's what winning really is. Mentioned on here a while back I took a tenant out for lunch when we could lol. They'd just bought a similar house to what they were renting, both low paid jobs and had saved really hard. Perfect tenants too. I was and am so pleased for them. They were the kind of people that accept where they are and are happy in life if they can have a small house, a car, family holiday and activities for the kids. Don't need stuff, probably don't hate themselves or know the only good thing about them is earning well. Would rather my son grow up to be like that rather than never enough mentality.

@enthusiasticsaver tbh I thought you've probably been talking from a position of massive privilege, I had my bets on you typing whilst you overlooked Rock beach in a 7 figure house.

I can see it would be nice to have no res mortgage in a lot of ways must be nice not to have the payment going out and know for certain no matter what you can't go back from where you are iyswim. When I moved here I thought I'd never want anything else res home wise. Still get a bit of a buzz knowing its mine on the days I haven't been somewhere better, looking on RM etc. Actually had a week of massive panic attacks after we got the keys, had put myself under so much pressure to buy a house like mine the relief/ elation !!!!!! with my head. Wife took me to A&E once that week, ecg, bloods, chest X-rays, the lot. I was completely out of it, 100% sober too remember the consultant telling wife I need to learn to chill out. She worries I'll give myself a heart attack told her it doesn't work like that but she's all like 'not going through that again for another of your dream houses' lol.

@mothsinmywallet_2 Lol agreed I !!!!!! hate that jacket. Almost worth getting into the debt to know she's not going to wear it again haha. She bought it a couple of years ago was obsessed, had to go to London to get it - it's massive too and she is tiny. Looks like Michelin man.

I bought her a really nice black Moncler smaller fit, not full Michelin man style she admitted it looks better and wears it all the time can get somethings right. 

She's never gonna agree to releasing more money from property in 2 years as she will want all the debt paid and at least a period of time where you don't go spend it all before she will even consider it. Like I said you are just viewing this paying off debt as a short term problem to be fixed but it's not it's a lifestyle change and you paying it off on cards to then take it out somewhere else isn't you learning a lesson it's just moving it. 

alt80

Interesting thoughts re house / health. I do care about my health in a way - wouldnt pay for pmi and if something is going on seek 2nd/ 3rd/ 4th opinions lol if I didnt. Didn’t believe my problems were panic/ stress for many years just thought the NHS were incompetent then the private ones were incompetent too in my mind. Come to accept I’m just mental and that’s not going to kill me.

My house is a 4 bed Victorian detached in a conservation area. Lots of period features but modern fittings. Just how I like it. Gated access, driveway parking and double garage that was a coach house so doesn’t look out of place. Don’t have a massive garden but bigger than many around here being a city area. 100 not knocking where I live but yes want more. Next door is a bigger house on larger plot, worth £850k and Grade 2 listed. Biggest reason for wanting to move is exactly what you don’t want me to say haha but also I’d like a listed property, higher more ornate ceilings (know you’re gonna laugh at that) and something a bit older but not too old - love Georgian/ Regency period property. Wife thinks it’s all madness just sees me getting into a load more debt for more hassle with the council if we want to change anything. True lol but to me I don’t get there I’ve failed to meet my goals in life.

I can relate with a lot of the advice on the podcast tbh. One of my best days was taking my son out for the day and yesterday was a good family day no real cravings/ massive negativity. FIL says he doesn’t get why I ‘have everything’ to his mind and still willing to !!!!!! myself for more lol. A lot of the time I sit watching my wife and son play together only thing they want from me is the lifestyle don’t need anything else. Yeah I want it for myself but also want to give them the best nothing else will do for me but know I’m not good enough to realise that so the poor mental health cycle continues. Denied all of this to myself for years until lockdown and I started thinking about needing to sort the debts out. Felt a lot better not judging myself or being judged by others during lockdown 1. This lockdown a lot worse.

alt80

@Sarahwithlove I’m not talking about spending on stupid stuff or cars - use it to expand portfolio and pay back what I took from it in the first place. Very different to going on a massive spending binge with the money.

Sarahwithlove

alt80 said:

@Sarahwithlove I’m not talking about spending on stupid stuff or cars - use it to expand portfolio and pay back what I took from it in the first place. Very different to going on a massive spending binge with the money.

Ahhh OK can understand that but your wife doesn't want it against the property. Could you keep paying off the debt and then not take a wage or take a reduced wage from portfolio to pay it back that way? Almost view it like another loan? 

getmore4less

2 years to a restructure is very ambitious and requires a few other things to have happened first from the top of my head at least (probably more).... 
growth in the main business,
debt gone, 
living off main business income only,
Car stratagy sorted
Tax reduction through sharing income with wife.

I think the last one should be combined with a greater acceptance that this is a team/family effort.

Something else that occurred to me when you were talking about the mentoring project was some of your behaviours seem to be aimed at getting time alone, we all need it, but you alienate the wife so she won't talk to you, try to avoid the in laws sending the wife and kid, I wonder if you are avoiding some of you mates over the car thing going on
(OK lockdown not helping).
Now you are looking to avoid the mentor project. 

From what you say you like family time, you like work time(I think you get a bit of a buzz when it is not going quite right), it may take some work to enjoy the in laws(hopefully some progress there), you have also said you got a buzz out of previous mentoring. 

If you can, putting the mentor project into your schedule, avoid falling out with the wife, trying to engage with the in laws, get those work projects and planning at full speed, your time management will have your days and weekends filled. 

I had wondered if you had done some more back analysis, it can be easy to ignore but you learn a lot from doing them even though it triggers difficult/strong emotions.

Not sure if this will help, when it comes to spending I am the opposite, I analysing options and pricing so much for so long I get spend freeze, sometimes to my detriment that the utility benefit of getting things is lost.
 
I hate buying stuff I won't use. 

enthusiasticsaver

alt80 said:

@Sarahwithlove I’m not talking about spending on stupid stuff or cars - use it to expand portfolio and pay back what I took from it in the first place. Very different to going on a massive spending binge with the money.

I can understand that but do you see how crazy that sounds?  You remortgaged the BTL (not sure by how much) and you are taking all the profit from it at the moment to live.  If the cards are still there in 2 years you will still need the income to live off from the BTL but if you remortgage (even assuming your wife agrees) to invest in the portfolio  then your mortgage repayments will go up leaving you with even less discretionary income and you will still need the BTL profit instead of being able to release it to invest in the portfolio.  You are just increasing the risk on your personal finances further. OK eventually the income on the BTL may increase with the bigger portfolio but that is not quick. 

You need to separate your business finances completely from the personal finances and the best way of doing that is not draw on all the profit in it not leverage your house to expand the portfolio. 

alt80

I could make everyone happy get proper succession planning in place, pay the debts, pay house down, RR last car for me just forget about them and houses. Pay down portfolio. 10 year plan and end it. Wife still young enough to find someone decent and no financial worries. Doesn’t have to deal with me anymore good lifestyle win win for her. Would make my in-laws 100 happy to know their daughter fine and me out of the picture. No more bs about them wanting me to be ok. They just want their daughter ok and I 100 understand that actually make them proud ha. Son if I do right thing and keep myself away, make sure he knows it’s 100 no reflection on him and for him it’s better I’m not here potentially influencing him to be the next generation of **** I think he’d be ok and ultimately glad I was out of the picture. My parents not going to hurt them they have their own life probably wouldn’t even come to uk to send me off, sister and I are close enough but she doesn’t need me in her life either. No other family. 

As everyone on here has said I just need to not be selfish. Forget about the 7 figure res home, cars etc think about my family more and do the right thing. Terrifies me as I am selfish but if I could get beyond that sort the finances out I could make everyone happy and no need to put up with me for the good things in life. Need to sort the finances out though and think longer term. Everyone here thinks I don’t care about my family I do because I don’t want to leave them with all my debts to sort out. Cooking a roast for wife today doing the right thing rather than the selfish stuff.

getmore4less

You are seeing as all one way or the other.

There is a middle ground where you achieve both goals just takes a bit of time.
For now house and cars have to take second place for a while, fix the mess get the business growing, then the house and cars can be revisited. 

lostmyusername

You want a listed building? Really? Seeing as you’re in property I’m guessing you know how much hassle it is to fix or update anything in a listed building. I’m surprised you’d want that - I would have thought you wouldn’t want the extra bureaucracy around your home. 

Do agree that they are beautiful, though. 

Sarahwithlove

The fact that you think ending it all is better for your family is entirely selfish. Your son won't be OK without you. No matter how much you tell him it's not a reflection on him doesn't mean he will believe it. You need some serious help if you think ending it all is the answer. Call your counsellor ASAP.