First Steps to Solvency

alt80

katsu said:

I hope the counselling is hard because you are telling your Counsellor the things you are telling us about how you feel.  It must be so exhausting to feel like you do sometimes. Please tell them or seek help in finding the best counselor for you.  It's not going to be quick but you are going to have a better life not a worse one as you tackle this. 

You can get help and you can change. You'll end up happier.   

Others have posted very eloquently about the impact of suicide or death of a parent.  Your presence would be missed. Trust us. 

@katsu thanks yeah think that's a good part of the reason other stuff too. Think if I can get the sleep under control I can get the other stuff under control. Speaking to someone tomorrow about substance use promised my wife I'd do it, don't think I need to really but not going to take much time out of my day.

Prospect of something better keeps me going. Lockdown 1 felt like a different person tbh some stress but all the BS in my head about levelling up not there anymore no paranoia. No substance use, hardly drinking, 2/3 coffees a day and decent sleep schedule. Probably says it all.

Do think about ending it but not to the extent I think I'm serious just think about it sometimes when I can't work out how to sort myself out and get obsessed about money being all that matters then convince myself I'm not doing well enough in that regard. I know it's madness when I take a step back from it all.

alt80

@LondonLiz Tbh I've took a step back and regret what I said. 100 shouldn't have posted a fair few things I have today. I do think about it but think it's more frustration / anger with myself than anything serious. Think a lot of the madness in my head is related to some of the stuff I'm doing on a fairly regular basis as well as over consumption of coffee/ alcohol and not sleeping. The mood swings coincide tbh. Bad routines setting off mental health. Feel quite a bit better now, clearer. Actually ready to go to bed for once.

woahsoah

Working in property presumably you understood the funding cost before you decided to remortgage? Then continued to overspend. You did the crime now do the time.

I'm all for encouragement but this 'I must own a AM before I am 50 or else what will people think' is, to put it nicely, disappointing. 

I'm not on the one on a budget but it doesn't seem like you have to make that many sacrifices, simply adjust to your income and save a little. Which is what you should be doing anyway.

As for thinking you should of worked in finance as some of us earn 7 figures, come on. For a start you have no idea what percentage earn 1m+, the lifestyle is very costly working in any financial hub and you'd have to handle the stress, which at times can be stifling. The days of 'greed is good' and coke binges are long gone! Its equivalent to saying 'I should of just created electric cars' or 'I should of just created amazon'.

Again, as an individual who earns more than you, there is no happiness found in blind consumption. If there was, all your other mates would be leveraged to the hilt and overlooking their driveway full of cars but unable to afford petrol.

alt80

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Woke up thinking that this morning that and it’s a choice I’m making to use the stuff, drink so much coffee I get palpitations etc. Actually called FIL to thank him for that he and wife probably think I’m properly losing it now lol but he was ok with it. Said he’s calling tomorrow morning to say it to me if I don’t call him by 7.30 that’s going to get old quick lol. 

On my debt free / sort life out list today:

• Upper body 1
• Work 
• Lunch / call
• Work inc running by some stuff with mentor and set development block back in motion 
• Dinner and emails off
• Family time 
• Write list for tomorrow, review December budget and chill
• Read & bed

@enthusiasticsaver spent 15/20 mins reading the book before I went to sleep. Probably sounds mad but advice like this only reason why I stick around here. Know I’ve said some stupid stuff in the moment but some of the advice has been invaluable and more grateful for that than I can ever fully express. Honestly think that book might change my life in general and finances. I was sat there nodding away everything I read it related to me. Wanted to binge read the lot but forced myself no to and get some sleep instead. Thank you. 

Genuinely feel positive and wonder if reading it from cover to cover will help me to understand my thought process and stop the self destructive stuff. Another 15/20 mins reading planned before sleep tonight. Thank you.

@getmore4less can strangely relate to your over analysis resulting in not spending see it with others much more so than myself but also why I’ve never bought an AM - I properly costed that out many times and stopped myself before the purchase every time. 

Forecast realistic growth and 2yrs not really realistic especially with an uncertain market. 5 is if I stop the self sabotage and get on. Thanks, another reason I stick around tbh.

@woahsoah yes I knew, didn’t stop me though and wish things were different but the fact is they aren’t. 

The wanting is hurting myself and my family. I either do something about it or continue down the road I’ve been going. 

You’re right re the stupid thoughts about career choices etc time to realise I don’t have it bad live within my means and stop rubbishing everything I do have. Probably a similar proportion in finance as in property in reality and not in my head. Yeah I don’t wear a Patek probably unlikely to or drive an AM but I do have a lot more than most especially wear I live, throwing it away for an unwillingness to get my life sorted would be even more stupid than the situation I’ve got myself in.

RelievedSheff

Happy Monday.

Here's to a fresh start for a new week

enthusiasticsaver

Good morning @alt80 and yes today is the first day of the rest of your life. That is going to get old quick. Maybe something you could do is think of some things you can be thankful for each morning to start it off on a positive note? I am glad the podcast and book are helpful. As I said I thought of you when I was listening to it. Self awareness is a big step forward if you are trying to adjust your thought patterns. 

Stick around here and we will support you. That is what the forum is for. We are willing you to succeed in getting rid of the cards and putting your personal finances on a sustainable footing and you have made a great start. Your FIL is also trying to support you in his way.

Have a good day and maybe limit the coffee and alcohol as that can affect your mood and ability to sleep. I am doing childcare today and the school run for my granddaughters but will download the book myself to read later on in the week. I read a few reviews yesterday and it looks interesting. 

alt80

Ha don’t need to tell me it’s going to get old. Proper FML moment realising he’ll be on the phone everyday ha. Tbh you’re right he wants me to be ok better father and husband to his loved ones. Actually really thankful for the letter he sent weirdly.

Counsellor has suggested the gratitude type stuff I’ve tried but struggle in the moment. 

Wife just about killed me off with mad finisher lol. Actually enjoy training with her so don’t really know why I avoid it - need to put some effort in and makes no money probably.

Just having 2/3 coffees and no alcohol today. 

Not sure the book will be that relevant to you as you don’t seem to have the same issues but it is interesting. 

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Ha don’t need to tell me it’s going to get old. Proper FML moment realising he’ll be on the phone everyday ha. Tbh you’re right he wants me to be ok better father and husband to his loved ones. Actually really thankful for the letter he sent weirdly.

Counsellor has suggested the gratitude type stuff I’ve tried but struggle in the moment. 

Wife just about killed me off with mad finisher lol. Actually enjoy training with her so don’t really know why I avoid it - need to put some effort in and makes no money probably.

Just having 2/3 coffees and no alcohol today. 

Not sure the book will be that relevant to you as you don’t seem to have the same issues but it is interesting. 

Good move on the no booze. Honestly, I’d cut it out for a while. It’s dangerous when you’re drinking to cope, likewise with other things. I’m a big drinker and we all drink to relieve stress but if you’re in a dark place it just makes things worse, likewise with other things.

I drank quite a bit on Saturday night (virtual pub with mates) and still struggling today with feeling exhausted. Feels like I’ve been on a 3 day bender and I was in bed by 11pm. Fear I’m turning into one of those people I used to think were boring because they’d drink an orange juice at the pub and go home early  

I listened to the podcast, it’s really interesting. I think I have a lot of the traits. Might give the book a read too. I’m now listening to the one about trauma. 

Sun_Addict

Good to hear you sounding a lot more positive today. 

One-step-at-a-time

Cutting down on coffee definitely a good move. I went cold turkey on it a few years ago on the doctor's advice when I was having a hard time with anxiety recovering from an injury, the headaches and moods lasted three or four days, but within about ten a week and a half my sleep was SO much better. Good filter decaf is close enough to fully loaded to be a decent sub if you miss the taste.