Timing for distribution of "estate"

thepurplepixie

I'm pretty sure the OP has said prior to this that she was leaving her estate to charity, I might be wrong but don't have time to see if i can see the comment.
OP has already said her grandparents didn't leave it equally to their children so it doesn't sound like leaving it divided equally between children is the norm in this family.
In my family no one ever had any money to leave anyone, it seems by far the least troublesome situation but whatever the family norm is perceived to be it is the parents money to do with as they wish.  I suggested earlier it could be to do with the charities OP has chosen, I can imagine parents and offspring can have different ideas about charities, in my own case I donate monthly to a charity for refugee children and I know not everyone would support my choice and equally you or the OP might choose to donate to a charity I wouldn't support.  Don't you think the parents had a right to consider that and to decide they would prefer money to go to their grandchildren?
I don't see the brother's position as being difficult, he is respecting the will and why would or should he seek to take an inheritance off his children.  Can you even do that on a child's behalf?  I would imagine the legal position would be you have to act in the best interests of a minor.

MoneySeeker1

He wouldnt have to think like that - re "taking an inheritance off his children". Just donate that part of his inheritance that went directly to him. He/his family together would still receive a fair share. It could be made even that way - without touching his children.

xylophone

OP, are you and your brother receiving equal shares in what has been left after the children's bequests?

In terms of varying your mother's will, assuming that your nieces and nephews are minors,

https://www.barkerevanslaw.co.uk/2016/09/deed-of-variation-changing-a-will-after-death/#:~:text=Re-directing a minor beneficiary's,the approval of the court.

Your brother could seek to vary the will in respect of his own inheritance but  sees no reason why he should?

 I know of a case where one sibling (who lived abroad  and had seen  the parent on a bare handful of occasions during that time) was left an amount over and above the residuary estate which was left equally between the two siblings. 

The resident sibling ( who had done everything for the mother for a number of years) had a child who was left a  generous bequest, (as indeed were charities, friends, other family).

On an earlier occasion a number of years before she died, this lady had made a gift to the non resident offspring of a certain amount with a gift to the resident offspring of an equal amount but with the specification that half should be held in trust for the grandchild.

It is clear that she thought this fair........and it was after all her money......

As far as can be ascertained, you are still in line for a generous bequest.

Why not just enjoy it  and set aside the bitterness?

thepurplepixie

OP why do you think you can tell your brother to give you what his parents left him?  His children's money isn't his anymore than it is yours.  Your mother did what she did, you are only hurting yourself now with the bitterness.  Life is too short to make this a big issue, your mother regarded her grandchildren as people in their own right, her descendants the same as you and your brother.  Maybe your brother was her favourite, maybe she viewed you as a strong person who could cope, maybe she wanted to include her grandchildren, maybe she didn't agree with your plans for your will, it is all hypothetical and assuming it is all because your brother manipulated her or she loved him more than you isn't doing you any good.  You need to move on.

davilown

Op I do feel for you that you think you should have a fair share.  So did your parents, and they've given you a fair share - the same as you brother's share. Just because they've also given all of their GC a share (regardless of size), it doesn't mean you've not been given a fair share.  If you had children then I suspect they will have been given the same amount.

DairyQueen

I suspect that those with children are also those who are blind to how OP feels. OP is effectively being 'punished' for not having children as her share of parents' estate is being diluted courtesy of sibling's children. No, that isn't fair.

The fairest way to divide an estate is equal shares between the children. The children of the deceased (that have children) are at liberty to pass-on as much/little as they choose of their share to the next generation.

Equal shares means that there is no risk at all of causing division between the siblings. I would hate to leave a legacy of discord to my children and that's guaranteed for anyone who follows the path of OP's mum. She carries the responsibility for creating a permanent rift between her children. A very stupid decision.

MoneySeeker1

I'm glad you get where I'm coming from here DairyQueen. That's exactly how it feels - like I've been punished for not having children myself, and my brother rewarded (at my expense) for doing so. All very odd actually - that my mother would want me to have children, when she hadnt wanted any herself ("Misery loves company" I suppose.....). To me - my mind just boggled that someone would want me to do something they hadnt wanted for themselves, so they could have grandchildren (which I was surprised to find she did want).

Was catching up with a friend at a social yesterday and she said that she's heard of this sort of thing happening "numerous times" and it always breaks relationships any time it does.

I don't understand why people with children often won't see what is really happening here - well perhaps - as I guess it suits people with children to get extra at the expense of childless people....#sighs...

Society makes the childless pay so often for those with children - all those "family" tickets and "family" holiday costs etc etc and we know we're paying a good bit more than a quarter of what a family of 4 for instance would pay for whatever-it-is and so on and so on and for one's own parents not to respect the right to live a life of your choice, when they have respected the siblings' choice does give a message loud and clear and it's not a nice one. It's "You should have done the same - and had children too - and then you wouldnt be being treated worse". Very odd to do such social reinforcement (of the norms of a previous era) for about the last 50 years (ie since the 1970s). We've moved on since then....and people now expect to make their own choices (rather than "Oh it's the 1950s - so I'd better get married to someone and then the price I pay for that financial support is I have to have children, even if I don't want them - as we've not got that effective means to prevent that yet").

This isn't the only time my brothers life has been deemed more "important" than my life - I have been "asked" by my parents to alter my chosen lifestyle before now for my brother, but I'm certainly not aware of him being asked to amend his chosen lifestyle for my sake. We disapproved of each others choices in a major respect some years back - and I said nothing about his choices (though I wasnt happy about them - as I felt they were unethical), but he asked them to ask me to alter my choices on that same issue and they did ask!!!! That only went one way too....so we both carried on with our own individual choices obviously....

gizmo111

The fairest way to divide an estate is equal shares between the children. 

Surely the fairest way to divide an estate is up to the person who is leaving that estate, Be that to other relatives, charities or the next door neighbours.  There is no entitlement for adult children to receive anything, and I don't understand why anybody thinks there is?   The fairest thing is to accept gracefully what you have been gifted with gratitude without causing rifts and arguments with living relatives about decisions made by the deceased.

MoneySeeker1

Maybe the message might get through at last if I say (for the umpteenth time):

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.....IT;'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY.....IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY (wonders if I should repeat that 100 times and then it might be "heard" - finally).

naedanger

What do you think your brother thinks it is about? Do you think it is about the money to him? If not that then what else?