Noisy kids next door.

[Deleted User]

I don't buy the whole "kids will be kids" attitude that some parents take which largely translates into an excuse of "can't be bothered to discipline my kids so tough tits you'll have to put up with it" and I find the suggestion that everybody should enjoy the noise kids make, ridiculous. 

Playful noise is fine but there is a line between acceptable and non-acceptable, just like if you were to play thumping music on full blast all day, which is not acceptable, but playing some light background music is, or having a dog yapping all day every day as opposed to the odd bark when the post man comes etc. Its the same concept and amazes me how so many people feel that one is ok and the other isn't, just because its kids. 

Toastie2018

Sophie_10 said:

I do actually work at home with my studies. I do understand that I'm going to hear more noise, hopefully, I have made that clear. Unfortunately, this noise existed way before this whole lockdown situation - it is on-going. 

Hope that clarifies. Thanks for the advice!

I sympathise Sophie. My neighbours' kids are also very noisy and are usually up until about 3am in the morning banging, pressing their doorbell and screaming. I have not bothered approaching the parents as they seem quite overwhelmed as well. I have resorted to spending my time in the room furthest from the adjourning wall which luckily for me is my lounge (even sleep there when the noise is too much). Do try having the radio on/or some other background noise. Also maybe keep reassuring yourself that it will not last forever. 
Good luck

boldaslove

I'll also vouch for the noise cancelling headphones suggestions, I live with 5 other people in a house with thin walls and creaky floorboards and sometimes I have them on with no music just to take the edge off the noise. They're Sony WH-H900N and are a bit of a spend (I was fortunate enough to get them as a present) but they're really comfortable to wear for long periods of time. For a cheaper option you could try some sleep earplugs which are designed to be comfortable to wear for long periods - I have a pair of Alpine Sleepsoft earplugs which I use when I travel and they're very comfy.

It's an unfortunate situation as people have pointed out, the kids probably wouldn't normally be home all day, and I do think parents/teachers/child minders etc have a different perception of noise to people who don't have/work with kids so they probably genuinely don't appreciate how disruptive it is! Maybe invite them round for a brew when their kids are going crazy so they can hear how loud it is from your side?

padlilly115

Coming at this from a parent who has been working from home with a rather loud 6 year old I can thoroughly recommend noise cancelling headphones.  I have the same ones as boldaslove and even without playing something on them its much quieter, add in some music and I have to tell people to tap me to get my attention.

On the debate of kids will be kids vs teach them manners, as often with life I feel the reality is often somewhere in between.  My daughter is just a loud kid, even speaking she is loud, and she is rather heavy footed.  We live upstairs in a maisonette, so we are very conscious of noise, and have put in rules about no loud thumps, no running or jumping after a certain time and only for short periods in the day, and no shouting.  She is a good kid and tries her best, but she is only 6 and forgets herself a lot, and since lockdown we have been home so so much more that its harder to manage!  Unfortunately I think that living next to kids you have to accept some noise.  Having said that, I do not think it is acceptable to have it happen all day every day - slip ups yes, short periods where we are doing exercise in the house yes, but whilst neighbors to kids need to accept some noise, people with kids need to respect their neighbors do not want to hear that all the time! OP, I do not think you are unreasonable to ask them to reduce the extreme noise to small periods, and to keep asking if it doesn't happen or stop happening, although I bet that can't be fun.  I hope you find a solution that works for you (and seriously, noise cancelling headphones are a wonder!).

[Deleted User]

padlilly115 said:

Coming at this from a parent who has been working from home with a rather loud 6 year old I can thoroughly recommend noise cancelling headphones.  I have the same ones as boldaslove and even without playing something on them its much quieter, add in some music and I have to tell people to tap me to get my attention.

On the debate of kids will be kids vs teach them manners, as often with life I feel the reality is often somewhere in between.  My daughter is just a loud kid, even speaking she is loud, and she is rather heavy footed.  We live upstairs in a maisonette, so we are very conscious of noise, and have put in rules about no loud thumps, no running or jumping after a certain time and only for short periods in the day, and no shouting.  She is a good kid and tries her best, but she is only 6 and forgets herself a lot, and since lockdown we have been home so so much more that its harder to manage!  Unfortunately I think that living next to kids you have to accept some noise.  Having said that, I do not think it is acceptable to have it happen all day every day - slip ups yes, short periods where we are doing exercise in the house yes, but whilst neighbors to kids need to accept some noise, people with kids need to respect their neighbors do not want to hear that all the time! OP, I do not think you are unreasonable to ask them to reduce the extreme noise to small periods, and to keep asking if it doesn't happen or stop happening, although I bet that can't be fun.  I hope you find a solution that works for you (and seriously, noise cancelling headphones are a wonder!).

At least you're conscious of it and make an effort to control it. Its the comments from people who suggest that kids make noise and you'll just have to accept it that really grates on me, and even worst the ones who think that everybody should get some sort of kick or enjoyment out of the sound of kids screaming. I love dogs, but would never expect anybody to put up with the sound of mine yapping or barking all day and then tell them they should enjoy it. 

SpiderLegs

Sophie_10 said:

SpiderLegs said:

Sophie_10 said:

I think the stairs are fixed to my wall. I will definitely look into doing that and hopefully second time lucky he will understand!
Exactly, I feel like sometimes people use the fact that they have kids in a terrace or semi detached as an excuse to make whatever noise they like. I'm sure if I was playing music at 8pm quite loudly through their walls while his kids were asleep, he would let me know!

I think you’re starting to come across as a bit entitled to be honest.
The kids are playing. They make noise. If you have kids you’ll soon understand that, and you will probably enjoy the fact that they do so. The fact that you are trying to work during the day in a terrace next door with thin walls isn’t really anyone else’s problem to deal with except your own. There are plenty good of suggestions being made by others, none of which involve blaming the children or their parents for living, what by the sounds of it, is a normal life.

Good luck fixing this issue, but please try to understand that it’s your circumstances that are the cause of the problem.

Hi,

Oh wow, I do apologise if I come across that way, that was not my intention at all! I just want both of us to be respectful with regard to noise, as while we all have different circumstances, we are all living next door to each other and I think that is reasonable. I do take on the suggestions people are making, are you saying I am not sorry?

If people are not living in a mutually respectful way and with a slight lack of conscientiousness, whether they have kids or not, I will speak up I'm afraid.

Please refrain from that self-righteous "you don't have kids, therefore, you can't complain" attitude. I would say that comes across a bit self-righteous in all honesty!  

I do feel for the fact that everyone must be struggling at the moment, including people with kids and I did say that. I am just at my wit's end, as it is a difficult and awkward situation. 

Thank you, good luck to you also  

I don’t think you quite understood my point.

you say you want ‘both of us to be respectful with regard to noise’. But that is at a level which you personally find acceptable. So even though you are trying to dress this up as mutual respect, you’re just really asking them to come down to your level of acceptability which sounds a lot like you want ‘them to be respectful with regard to your definition of noise’. 

I am saying that what they find acceptable is probably based on their experience of having children who naturally make more noise than an adult. That is clearly different to your view which is fair enough, but unless they are breaking the law, then your options are limited to personal choices. You appear to have segued that down the ‘you dont have kids so you can’t complain’ route, which is another complete misinterpretation of what I wrote, but I will let you off that as you are clearly a little emotional.

Heres_the_deal

A detached house is not a panacea for a quiet life.

I live in a large detached property that's separated from one neighbour by a 15 metre driveway. On the other side, by a 20 metre garden. My back garden is over 40 metres in depth and joins onto the garden of the house behind. I have no children living in the area, and no budding rappers with sub-bass units: Sounds bliss! Not..

On one side there is a dog that barks like a dripping tap, sometimes up to 2am and then again from 5am. On the other side, there is a dog that yaps everyday from 8am to 6pm and behind me the owners have regular late night BBQ's till 3am. In the summer there are a multitude of different tunes emanating across the gardens, ranging from Norman Wisdom (Albanian family), Frank Sinatra (Care Home Garden Parties), Some weird Russian based Cossack stuff (Egor from down the road) and the bloody woman behind who likes ABBA.  The latest fad that's been ongoing for over 12 months is the hot tub, not necessarily the tub or its occupants, but the hum of the pump 24/7.  Now you see why I want to move. 

orangecrush

NameUnavailable said:

I knew some here would blame the OP for being annoyed!

There is no need for a young girl to scream constantly all day long. I have no idea why she is screaming or why the parents semmingly just let her. If I was the parent I would find it annoying myself!

What was the saying, little children should be seen and not heard?...........

It's bad parenting. Simple. Same as parents who let their brats run riot in shops and restaurants to the annoyance of others.

There might be a need, who knows?  Perhaps the child has a medical or behavioural issue.  Perhaps the child is blessed with excellent lung function and projection and is destined to be a superb orator.    It is nothing to do with parenting, bad or otherwise. 

Edited to add: I'm a researcher in child behaviour.  I know the difference.

Also adding: I have complete sympathy with the OP; our neighbour had an elderly border collie that was losing its sight and hearing, it barked non stop.  It drove me mad, frequently woke our baby (and us).  But we live in a semi detached house so we never mentioned it, and now the dog has passed it is probably us with our elephant foot-ed child causing more noise.  We try to control the noise but there's only so much you can do; how do you explain to a 2 year old that she is landing too heavily on her feet?  You have no idea what the parents are ALREADY doing to control it, maybe this is the best it's going to get?  Tea and cake may be the way forward to paraphrase from a wise previous member of this forum!

On the noise cancelling headphones, definitely recommend them!  Also background music, any other sensory stimulation may help - I have an aromatherapy vaporiser that glows in changing colours, it makes a really soothing noise along with the effect of whatever aromatherapy oils you choose - rosemary and eucalyptus is a nice combination that is meant to help with memory, which may be useful for studying?

davilown

Whilst I sympathise with your noise sensitivity Op, you'll probably find any children who live next door (I'm assuming its a relatively new build house) will be 'noisy'.  I lived in a link-detached (only linked by the garages) and I could quite clearly hear the neighbours walking up and down the stairs, and having general (normal level volume) chat when our house was quiet.  They didn't have kids and I certainly wouldn't class them as noisy.
 It has very little to do with discipline or parental upbringing - kids have different energy levels to adults and need to be able to express themselves. Not all kids want to sit quietly with book all day, neither do their parents want them sat in front of iPads or TV.  They're doing absolutely nothing wrong.
I think your only solution is to move or use noise cancelling headphones. 

RelievedSheff

Heres_the_deal said:

A detached house is not a panacea for a quiet life.

I live in a large detached property that's separated from one neighbour by a 15 metre driveway. On the other side, by a 20 metre garden. My back garden is over 40 metres in depth and joins onto the garden of the house behind. I have no children living in the area, and no budding rappers with sub-bass units: Sounds bliss! Not..

On one side there is a dog that barks like a dripping tap, sometimes up to 2am and then again from 5am. On the other side, there is a dog that yaps everyday from 8am to 6pm and behind me the owners have regular late night BBQ's till 3am. In the summer there are a multitude of different tunes emanating across the gardens, ranging from Norman Wisdom (Albanian family), Frank Sinatra (Care Home Garden Parties), Some weird Russian based Cossack stuff (Egor from down the road) and the bloody woman behind who likes ABBA.  The latest fad that's been ongoing for over 12 months is the hot tub, not necessarily the tub or its occupants, but the hum of the pump 24/7.  Now you see why I want to move. 

But at least you can go in your house, close the windows and doors and escape the noise.

In an attached property with sound transmission issues there just isn't any escape from the noise next door.