Husband has willed our home to Daughter without consulting me 😢

Mojisola

GoodLuckGemma said:

I told him SEVERAL times I would NEVER remarry ........and nor would I 

You shouldn't make promises like that - you don't know what the future will bring.

I have several family members who found a life partner late in life and had wonderful years together.

MoneySeeker1

Well indeed - you don't know what the future will bring.

But some of us do make up our minds very firmly very early on in proceedings and stick to it for the rest of our lives. I know my own Firm Decisions were "I will only marry if I'm absolutely sure he is The One" (so I never did - because I never met him/don't even know now if The One exists) and "I will never have children ever - no matter what" and I was absolutely correct in both decisions for myself. I did make the right decisions on those points. 

So things can "swing both ways on that one".

One thing I've learnt is that many/many people do "fitting in" with others and will try and pretend they are the same/may even be the same as what they perceive as the majority and honestly don't have a single opinion/decision in life that is Their Own. Many many people continue to be exactly the same throughout their lives in that respect.

Then there's those that were probably born "their own people" in the first place.

Then there are those that start off as "fitter inners" and without one single opinion/taste to call their own - but then change into being questioners at some point later in life and very firm indeed on making up their own minds what they think for themselves - ask me how I know! Because I was born without one single opinion of my own/one single wish of my own/any tastes of my own and "fitter in par excellence" - but then things changed. So - yep...some people do change over the course of their lives (with no opinions of their own/no intention of standing up for themselves/etc/etc) - and then we Learn!!! My suspicion is OP is much like me in that respect - ie started off as a "walk-over/fitter-inner" and is now learning different....

AskAsk

GoodLuckGemma said:

Hello everyone 😀
I am finding your posts VERY helpful and am learning a lot.
Everyone knows I am a very attentive and caring mother - my daughter's Head Teacher even told me this.
I am VERY lonely in my marriage and this has been made 10 times worse by the Pandemic.  I was shielding for 14 weeks & it was so hard....... last Sunday my husband spoke 3 or 4 sentences to me and then spent most of the day in his study watching stuff on his computer.  The ONLY time I really see him is when I have made the supper - he comes down, eats it , watches his news then disappears to his shower.
He gives our daughter a similar lack of attention 😞, saying he's "too busy". Oh and the gardening is also his priority !!!   Does anyone know of any really GOOD decent  Divorce lawyers I could speak to ref his will & his excluding me / treating me like crap?? 
I told him SEVERAL times I would NEVER remarry ........and nor would I 

whether you remarry or not is none of his concern.  when he is dead, he aint got naught to worry about! 
getting divorced is a big decision in any marriage as it is a big step, especially for women with young children.  you don't need any good divorce lawyers, just google some local solicitors and check that they offer divorce services.
if he doesn't agree to the divorce, it will take a long time to actually get the divorce.

MoneySeeker1

Time to get a divorce - dredges memory of Sociology studies some years back and, as I recall, we were told "2 years with consent, 5 years without consent" - though things may, of course, have improved since then and I've an inkling that they have done so.

There's bound to be lots of people out there that could give any updates there are on that.

AskAsk

MoneySeeker1 said:

Time to get a divorce - dredges memory of Sociology studies some years back and, as I recall, we were told "2 years with consent, 5 years without consent" - though things may, of course, have improved since then and I've an inkling that they have done so.

There's bound to be lots of people out there that could give any updates there are on that.

i don't think things have changed much from the link below?
https://www.gov.uk/divorce

onwards&upwards

AskAsk said:h

elsien said:

Send his wife out to work?
The pittance she earned before? 
She doesn't have the capacity to earn more?
Come back the 1950s,  all is forgiven.

lol.  so i am using artistic language 

but our friend, for example, earns 150k a year.  he has provided for the whole family.  he works long hours and he works very hard.  his wife stayed at home to look after their 2 kids until they were at primary school, so she was only ever at home until they were old enough to go to school, then she went back to work part time.  she works in a school so she earns very little but she has a middle class lifestyle, thanks to her husband.  she chooses to work part time because her husband earns enough for the whole family.
they are still together, but if they got divorced, she would end up with half of his assets.  she would never have been able to accumulate this if she worked for herself and she would never have afforded the middle class lifestyle if she didn't marry someone that earned that much money.

we have a friend of a friend who worked as a secretary before she met her husband. he is some big wig film producer.  after 6 years of marriage, they got divorced.  she ended up with a huge house, that she would never have been able to afford on her salary as a secretary.  and to kick him in the teeth, she sold the house and moved far away from him to make it difficult for him to get access to his son.  again, how can that be fair.

i have more examples of the same.  so in my experience the bloke always loses out big style if they are the big money earner.  i am not complaining as the law works in my favour, i am just saying it is not fair in my opinion.

A single man with two children he had full time care of would not have been able to accumulate that wealth either. 

AskAsk

onwards&upwards said:

AskAsk said:h

elsien said:

Send his wife out to work?
The pittance she earned before? 
She doesn't have the capacity to earn more?
Come back the 1950s,  all is forgiven.

lol.  so i am using artistic language 

but our friend, for example, earns 150k a year.  he has provided for the whole family.  he works long hours and he works very hard.  his wife stayed at home to look after their 2 kids until they were at primary school, so she was only ever at home until they were old enough to go to school, then she went back to work part time.  she works in a school so she earns very little but she has a middle class lifestyle, thanks to her husband.  she chooses to work part time because her husband earns enough for the whole family.
they are still together, but if they got divorced, she would end up with half of his assets.  she would never have been able to accumulate this if she worked for herself and she would never have afforded the middle class lifestyle if she didn't marry someone that earned that much money.

we have a friend of a friend who worked as a secretary before she met her husband. he is some big wig film producer.  after 6 years of marriage, they got divorced.  she ended up with a huge house, that she would never have been able to afford on her salary as a secretary.  and to kick him in the teeth, she sold the house and moved far away from him to make it difficult for him to get access to his son.  again, how can that be fair.

i have more examples of the same.  so in my experience the bloke always loses out big style if they are the big money earner.  i am not complaining as the law works in my favour, i am just saying it is not fair in my opinion.

A single man with two children he had full time care of would not have been able to accumulate that wealth either. 

not sure why people don't understand about nanny!  i have come across families who employ a live in nanny or a day nanny.  they don't actually cost that much and you only need them until the children can go into nursery.  for people who can earn a lot of money, including women, it is not unusual for a nanny to be employed. 

onwards&upwards

AskAsk said:

onwards&upwards said:

AskAsk said:h

elsien said:

Send his wife out to work?
The pittance she earned before? 
She doesn't have the capacity to earn more?
Come back the 1950s,  all is forgiven.

lol.  so i am using artistic language 

but our friend, for example, earns 150k a year.  he has provided for the whole family.  he works long hours and he works very hard.  his wife stayed at home to look after their 2 kids until they were at primary school, so she was only ever at home until they were old enough to go to school, then she went back to work part time.  she works in a school so she earns very little but she has a middle class lifestyle, thanks to her husband.  she chooses to work part time because her husband earns enough for the whole family.
they are still together, but if they got divorced, she would end up with half of his assets.  she would never have been able to accumulate this if she worked for herself and she would never have afforded the middle class lifestyle if she didn't marry someone that earned that much money.

we have a friend of a friend who worked as a secretary before she met her husband. he is some big wig film producer.  after 6 years of marriage, they got divorced.  she ended up with a huge house, that she would never have been able to afford on her salary as a secretary.  and to kick him in the teeth, she sold the house and moved far away from him to make it difficult for him to get access to his son.  again, how can that be fair.

i have more examples of the same.  so in my experience the bloke always loses out big style if they are the big money earner.  i am not complaining as the law works in my favour, i am just saying it is not fair in my opinion.

A single man with two children he had full time care of would not have been able to accumulate that wealth either. 

not sure why people don't understand about nanny!  i have come across families who employ a live in nanny or a day nanny.  they don't actually cost that much and you only need them until the children can go into nursery.  for people who can earn a lot of money, including women, it is not unusual for a nanny to be employed. 

A nanny costs a lot more than a wife who works!  And children still need a fair bit of looking after outside of nursery/school hours you know.  I bet your ‘friend’ never had to take them to a single appointment, get up in the night or get called out of work for them either. 

I really thought these attitudes that caring for the children is women’s work of no financial value we’re dying out.  Depressing to see some still believe that only financial contributions to the family count. 

kangoora

A single man with two children he had full time care of would not have been able to accumulate that wealth either. 

 How would a single man have two children, unless he got married/was in a relationship anyway. Although I guess it would be possible via adoption I imagine it would be incredibly difficult to adopt a child as a single person (male in particular)? The death of a spouse would be a completely different scenario.

Personally, the only issue I see here is the fact of the secrecy involved/non-communication. They both own half a house (theoretically), the husband decides to give his half to their daughter AND give the wife a life interest in the property so they never have to move. If written in the will correctly she could have the ability to downsize also.

It's a perfectly normal transaction/inheritance planning decision that is done 1000's of times a year across the country as a conscious decision. I don't understand the outrage over the actual decision, possibly about not being informed/consulted). A certain amount of HER childs inheritance is being protected from ever being taken by the government or taken by another family if certain life events happen and the OP is outraged by this, I'll never understand people.......

maman

Apologies for the cut and paste but I'm finding those multiquotes irksome.

A nanny costs a lot more than a wife who works!  And children still need a fair bit of looking after outside of nursery/school hours you know.  I bet your ‘friend’ never had to take them to a single appointment, get up in the night or get called out of work for them either. 
I really thought these attitudes that caring for the children is women’s work of no financial value we’re dying out.  Depressing to see some still believe that only financial contributions to the family count. 

I find the same  argument works in the opposite way for me onwards & upawards. I don't know what line of work you are in but a nanny certainly wouldn't cost more than I was paid.  Even for those in lower paid jobs there are many reasons to work outside the home. I've watched all those bright young women in the news this week with their aspirations for their futures and hoped that the tide could turn at last. I thought that the idea that a woman's contribution will be childcare and housework when they have the opportunities and education that men have (and have had progressively since 1944!) was dying out. Yes, a couple have to make a decision how to manage/fund childcare while children are school age (assuming they decide to have children) but taken over the span of a career that's just a relatively short while. 

It's a perfectly normal transaction/inheritance planning decision that is done 1000's of times a year across the country as a conscious decision. I don't understand the outrage over the actual decision, possibly about not being informed/consulted). A certain amount of HER child's inheritance is being protected from ever being taken by the government or taken by another family if certain life events happen and the OP is outraged by this, I'll never understand people.......

I agree kangoora. I think the decision could well be for the right reasons. The lack of communication is odd but then it sounds like a feature of the relationship.