Adult 'Babies'

Marvel1

There's your bags, out you go.

Kim_kim

sweetsand said:

theoretica said:

I agree with others about the benefits of them moving out - there is always a strong temptation to revert to childhood habits when with parents.

The only thing I'd add to my post is if you did kick them out as I would, there is always the chance they may get beaten up, or worse or turn into full time crims - but the bottom line, kick them out and no hand outs or favours - 50/50 chance they will see the light and you have an honest and fair relationship with them.

Our children now adults, we never gave them a penny unless it was their birthday. xmas and wedding - if they had asked for money, slap around the head would have happened and if they had bought a car on a loan we would have kicked them out - if they had not worked, we would have kicked them out as at times one needs to be strict to be kind  - lucky for us our children could see us working hard as their grandparents as in our circles we all work, worked and now early retired - they also recognise the face how to look after money so you can retire at 50, etc


Kick them out now.

There’s tough love and there’s tough love!
My daughter is now sadly a single parent, it’s my pleasure to help out a little where I can. 

I find your attitude towards your children hard.  

sweetsand

Kim_kim said:

sweetsand said:

theoretica said:

I agree with others about the benefits of them moving out - there is always a strong temptation to revert to childhood habits when with parents.

The only thing I'd add to my post is if you did kick them out as I would, there is always the chance they may get beaten up, or worse or turn into full time crims - but the bottom line, kick them out and no hand outs or favours - 50/50 chance they will see the light and you have an honest and fair relationship with them.

Our children now adults, we never gave them a penny unless it was their birthday. xmas and wedding - if they had asked for money, slap around the head would have happened and if they had bought a car on a loan we would have kicked them out - if they had not worked, we would have kicked them out as at times one needs to be strict to be kind  - lucky for us our children could see us working hard as their grandparents as in our circles we all work, worked and now early retired - they also recognise the face how to look after money so you can retire at 50, etc


Kick them out now.

There’s tough love and there’s tough love!
My daughter is now sadly a single parent, it’s my pleasure to help out a little where I can. 

I find your attitude towards your children hard.  

You may find it "hard" but I've seen or heard about too many people suffering by supporting, feeding, housing lazy kids and grand kids. We made sure we did not go down that road because as soon as our children left education they were on their own other than us housing them on the basis they worked like we did, treated money with respect and care and buy their own property and getting nothing on borrowed money other than their properties/s - Our children knew what we expected and they did not disappoint us and our kids all worked at 16 during their school hols at my place at the time. They pay their own way we have given them x amounts towards a deposit/pay off part of a mortgage as we wanted to do that but we only did that after years of observations that they were still being sensible. We've seen too many parents give away money only to be trashed/lost and given their new cars to their kids but kids abused that by smashing up or breaking down the car leave it on an empty tank, etc - we were not going to have that and thankfully our work ethics and the way we bought up our children like we were brought up paid off.

There is always an elmenet of luck but that accounts for 1% the other 99% is down to parenting

sweetsand

Marvel1 said:

There's your bags, out you go.

I'd just like to add that if there is any hesitation a swift kick up the rear would not go amiss. 

elsien

sweetsand said:

Vikipollard said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

pressurecooker said:

I'm my own worst enemy as I give in when they start being 'nice' which is usually when they need a lift etc.

Tell them in advance, it's not how they behave when they want something that's important but how they behave the rest of the time - unless that improves, it doesn't matter how nice they can be towards you when they want a lift somewhere.

She's already done that and it will carry on and on if she takes that route again.

Only if she continues to give in.

If their behaviour hasn't been acceptable, the next time they need a favour, the answer is no, no matter how nice they've been just before asking.

To be frank they have clearly passed that stage years ago. 

I disagree - it would appear that the OP has not challenged (with any real teeth) before.  This has to be the "my house, my rules" conversation with "you behave all the time, or there's the door".  Mojisola is right; they need to understand that being nice for five minutes to get your own way, then reverting to being an inconsiderate slob isn't happening anymore.  Shock therapy - but you have to both mean it and act on it.

I won't rebuke you for disagreeing with me however wrong your opinions may be. Look at the facts, they are not really "babies" re they. Therefore, surely, the convos have taken place re idle threats. Shape up or ship out and don't bother coming back for handouts, faux promises. I've seen via work meany leacehs like that in slightly different scenarios where children, grandchildren leach of parents/grandparents - time to put your foot down and mean it.

Very magnanimous of you, I'm sure. 

MalMonroe

The problem is that you seem to have done most things for them all their lives and continue to do so now they are adults. Have they ever been told that there's a difference now that they're grown up and so they need to take responsibility for themselves? I mean, can you blame them, really, for just carrying on as if they own the place and doing what they want when they've been allowed to do that all their lives? I hate to say it but it really isn't  their fault if they don't understand the 'rules' because they've never been given any. They're not psychic. And they need to be told. 

As others have said, you need to sit them down and have a chat. It's your home, your roof they're under, stop it with the drugs. Your rules! No more carrying them around, they need to stand on their own two feet. Etc...  but if they've never been told any of that, then they're just like lost souls, not doing things right but not even aware of what is expected of them. Some things they know, obviously but others - well, are they just supposed to intimate from your expression, or something? Be fair, tell them and then get upset when they are unruly. If they don't want to live by your rules then yes, they'll have to go. But please treat them fairly, first.

MalMonroe

sweetsand said:

Marvel1 said:

There's your bags, out you go.

I'd just like to add that if there is any hesitation a swift kick up the rear would not go amiss. 

Great parenting advice.

Vikipollard

elsien said:

sweetsand said:

Vikipollard said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

pressurecooker said:

I'm my own worst enemy as I give in when they start being 'nice' which is usually when they need a lift etc.

Tell them in advance, it's not how they behave when they want something that's important but how they behave the rest of the time - unless that improves, it doesn't matter how nice they can be towards you when they want a lift somewhere.

She's already done that and it will carry on and on if she takes that route again.

Only if she continues to give in.

If their behaviour hasn't been acceptable, the next time they need a favour, the answer is no, no matter how nice they've been just before asking.

To be frank they have clearly passed that stage years ago. 

I disagree - it would appear that the OP has not challenged (with any real teeth) before.  This has to be the "my house, my rules" conversation with "you behave all the time, or there's the door".  Mojisola is right; they need to understand that being nice for five minutes to get your own way, then reverting to being an inconsiderate slob isn't happening anymore.  Shock therapy - but you have to both mean it and act on it.

I won't rebuke you for disagreeing with me however wrong your opinions may be. Look at the facts, they are not really "babies" re they. Therefore, surely, the convos have taken place re idle threats. Shape up or ship out and don't bother coming back for handouts, faux promises. I've seen via work meany leacehs like that in slightly different scenarios where children, grandchildren leach of parents/grandparents - time to put your foot down and mean it.

Very magnanimous of you, I'm sure. 

LOL I thought that too!

Vikipollard

sweetsand said:

Vikipollard said:

sweetsand said:

Vikipollard said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

pressurecooker said:

I'm my own worst enemy as I give in when they start being 'nice' which is usually when they need a lift etc.

Tell them in advance, it's not how they behave when they want something that's important but how they behave the rest of the time - unless that improves, it doesn't matter how nice they can be towards you when they want a lift somewhere.

She's already done that and it will carry on and on if she takes that route again.

Only if she continues to give in.

If their behaviour hasn't been acceptable, the next time they need a favour, the answer is no, no matter how nice they've been just before asking.

To be frank they have clearly passed that stage years ago. 

I disagree - it would appear that the OP has not challenged (with any real teeth) before.  This has to be the "my house, my rules" conversation with "you behave all the time, or there's the door".  Mojisola is right; they need to understand that being nice for five minutes to get your own way, then reverting to being an inconsiderate slob isn't happening anymore.  Shock therapy - but you have to both mean it and act on it.

I won't rebuke you for disagreeing with me however wrong your opinions may be. Look at the facts, they are not really "babies" re they. Therefore, surely, the convos have taken place re idle threats. Shape up or ship out and don't bother coming back for handouts, faux promises. I've seen via work meany leacehs like that in slightly different scenarios where children, grandchildren leach of parents/grandparents - time to put your foot down and mean it.

Which is exactly what I said, so not sure why you believe my opinions are wrong.  Whatever.

If you had said that which you had not then I would not have said what I said. May be in your mind you tried to say that but then read my post and thought you had said that. Anyway, at least we are both on the same road. Take care and I did not mean to upset you or anything like that.
x

My post says "you behave all the time, or there's the door".  yours says "shape up or ship out".  Same thing, different words.  My mind is fine, thanks.  You perhaps need to consider how you phrase your replies, as they appear dictatorial and/or condescending.

sweetsand

elsien said:

sweetsand said:

Vikipollard said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

sweetsand said:

Mojisola said:

pressurecooker said:

I'm my own worst enemy as I give in when they start being 'nice' which is usually when they need a lift etc.

Tell them in advance, it's not how they behave when they want something that's important but how they behave the rest of the time - unless that improves, it doesn't matter how nice they can be towards you when they want a lift somewhere.

She's already done that and it will carry on and on if she takes that route again.

Only if she continues to give in.

If their behaviour hasn't been acceptable, the next time they need a favour, the answer is no, no matter how nice they've been just before asking.

To be frank they have clearly passed that stage years ago. 

I disagree - it would appear that the OP has not challenged (with any real teeth) before.  This has to be the "my house, my rules" conversation with "you behave all the time, or there's the door".  Mojisola is right; they need to understand that being nice for five minutes to get your own way, then reverting to being an inconsiderate slob isn't happening anymore.  Shock therapy - but you have to both mean it and act on it.

I won't rebuke you for disagreeing with me however wrong your opinions may be. Look at the facts, they are not really "babies" re they. Therefore, surely, the convos have taken place re idle threats. Shape up or ship out and don't bother coming back for handouts, faux promises. I've seen via work meany leacehs like that in slightly different scenarios where children, grandchildren leach of parents/grandparents - time to put your foot down and mean it.

Very magnanimous of you, I'm sure. 

Indeed and a very sweet comment, hun
x