Adult 'Babies'

pressurecooker

I'm a lone parent and have been so for over 2 decades. One works, the other is in final year at uni. I do everything - work, pay the bills, CT, cook, clean, lifts to work/uni etc etc..all the school stuff prior to this. The older one has just started to pay £100 dig money (been working 2 years). I'm always stepping on eggshells eg - 'don't watch tv cos I'm up early tomorrow'. For the 1st time in months, I have the TV on at 11.30pm (!!) and the youngest starts complaining. It's my house and I'm getting told what to do by spongers. He wasn't going to uni or anything but it's because he smokes weed at night outside at around 1am. He denies it when I talk about it - I don't say 'you can't do it' despite the fact that I absolutely hate it but I despise liers more.
I know that I'd never have told my parents to keep it down as I knew they were hard workers and it wouldn't even pass my mind to say that as I was under their roof.

mrschaucer

pressurecooker said:

 It's my house and I'm getting told what to do by spongers. 
I know that I'd never have told my parents to keep it down as I knew they were hard workers and it wouldn't even pass my mind to say that as I was under their roof.

At last you are starting to realise you are being taken for a mug.  It is indeed your house.  Your house, your rules.  But it's going to come as a bit of a shock to them, so expect some pushback and be prepared to stand up  for yourself.

sweetsand

You need to kick them out right now as things will only get worse and if they verbally abuse you or worse, no ifs, no buts but call 999 - sadly I've seen this scenario as few times via people I used to deal with. Freeloaders is what they are. Apologies if I sound hars and your children are not that way in your mind but it will get like that as they are too far gone imo, but I hope I am wrong.

thorsoak

The reason they behave in such a disrespectful manner is because they have been allowed to behave in this disrespectful manner - and its time to stop it now.    Start by not doing their laundry, cleaning their rooms, not giving them lifts (unless they pay petrol money) and tell them that apart from weekends, they will be responsible for cooking their own meals (and that includes buying their own food AND clearing the kitchen after they've cooked and eaten).   As for television - you pay the licence fee - so you watch for as long as you like!    If they object, tell them that they can find their own space - and pay for it.    It's not going to be pleasant - but do you want to be making the same complaint and living this way in 10 years?  In 20 years?   Because you will be unless you take a stand now.    Good luck!

KxMx

I hate to seem harsh but if you've always done everything, always it's hardly surprising that they haven't learned how to become responsible, considerate adults. 

Be prepared it's going to be hard now for them to get the notion when you stand up to them. 

Another post states you have 3 children, is the third any better? 

theoretica

I agree with others about the benefits of them moving out - there is always a strong temptation to revert to childhood habits when with parents.

sweetsand

theoretica said:

I agree with others about the benefits of them moving out - there is always a strong temptation to revert to childhood habits when with parents.

The only thing I'd add to my post is if you did kick them out as I would, there is always the chance they may get beaten up, or worse or turn into full time crims - but the bottom line, kick them out and no hand outs or favours - 50/50 chance they will see the light and you have an honest and fair relationship with them.

Our children now adults, we never gave them a penny unless it was their birthday. xmas and wedding - if they had asked for money, slap around the head would have happened and if they had bought a car on a loan we would have kicked them out - if they had not worked, we would have kicked them out as at times one needs to be strict to be kind  - lucky for us our children could see us working hard as their grandparents as in our circles we all work, worked and now early retired - they also recognise the face how to look after money so you can retire at 50, etc


Kick them out now.

Mojisola

sweetsand said:

The only thing I'd add to my post is if you did kick them out as I would, there is always the chance they may get beaten up, or worse or turn into full time crims

Why would a working adult and a uni student get beaten up when they move out from their parent's home?

pressurecooker

I'm my own worst enemy as I give in when they start being 'nice' which is usually when they need a lift etc. They think I'm in the wrong because I said that it was my house and I refuse to walk on eggshells anymore. There will be no more lifts and only food that I cook which they can either eat or buy their own. Thanks for the replies - Parentline webchat would have been my next port of call if no-one had replied. 
I've always been a penny pincher and I know I could survive on an income from reduced hours but only if they move out. I can't wait for that to happen.

macman

'My mum made me move out, so naturally I had to turn to being a full-time criminal. It's all her fault'.
I think that even the most lenient judge is not going to think much of that as a plea in mitigation.

Mojisola

pressurecooker said:

I'm my own worst enemy as I give in when they start being 'nice' which is usually when they need a lift etc.

Tell them in advance, it's not how they behave when they want something that's important but how they behave the rest of the time - unless that improves, it doesn't matter how nice they can be towards you when they want a lift somewhere.