Help with relationship

zagfles

rach_k said:

zagfles said:

I find it odd so many posters offering "advice" on the "marriages/relationships" board seem to be people who aren't capable of holding down a relationship themselves, and don't even seem to be interested in doing so. 

It's the Marriages, Relationships and Families board.  In case you don't realise, you don't need to be married or "in a relationship" to have a family, nor is every relationship between partners.  

Well indeed, but my comments were about people offering "relationship between partners" advice when it would appear they aren't too successful themselves in that arena. Like I said it would be a bit like me offering ski-ing advice when I've never even managed to get down a nursery slope without falling over.

-taff

zagfles said:

-taff said:

Well, you see the current one is fine. Im still attracted to him, he's still attracted to me, it's been six years. We've known each other for over twenty though. And he does take up his share of the doings. Which is not what I can say for the other two I lived with, who both reverted to 'I'm a child, look after me, do the housework and organise everything and do everything I want to do and nothing you do'. So you know what you can do with your trolling comment

Oh I see, so you're now contradicting your previous "Either I pick badly, or men just want to revert to children..."

Sexist stereotyping and contradictory posts - typical trolling behaviour

Not contradicting. Saying I pick badly was  reflection on me, but you chose to take it as misandry and all sorts of other things you probably just read about.

I live in the real world, I don't care what you do. If I'm honest, I don't care what the OP does either. I was telling her my experience for which I need no feedback [ but thanks anyway]

f you want to chase me all over the MSE forum to tell me how big a troll I am, I mostly post in the Old Style board and the PPI board. Look forward to more of your posts about trolling.

zagfles

-taff said:

zagfles said:

-taff said:

Well, you see the current one is fine. Im still attracted to him, he's still attracted to me, it's been six years. We've known each other for over twenty though. And he does take up his share of the doings. Which is not what I can say for the other two I lived with, who both reverted to 'I'm a child, look after me, do the housework and organise everything and do everything I want to do and nothing you do'. So you know what you can do with your trolling comment

Oh I see, so you're now contradicting your previous "Either I pick badly, or men just want to revert to children..."

Sexist stereotyping and contradictory posts - typical trolling behaviour

Not contradicting. Saying I pick badly was  reflection on me, but you chose to take it as misandry and all sorts of other things you probably just read about.

I live in the real world, I don't care what you do. If I'm honest, I don't care what the OP does either. I was telling her my experience for which I need no feedback [ but thanks anyway]

f you want to chase me all over the MSE forum to tell me how big a troll I am, I mostly post in the Old Style board and the PPI board. Look forward to more of your posts about trolling.

Ah I see! So your current partner is not of the "real world" then! What is he, an alien?

Don't worry, I won't be stalking you. Final post, promise! Certainly no need for the PPI board, I understand enough about how the "real world" works to have completely avoided ever having taken out any PPI in the first place

[Deleted User]

I'm not sure if anyone else has suggested this because I haven't read all of the comments but when I was with my ex-partner I had no libido also.
Then I came off the pill when we broke up & it magically re-appeared. (Funny that!) 
Not sure if you're on contraception but maybe that could help you too? 
Also, if the only reason you're with him is because of the dog & house then, of course, it's better to end it, but if you still love him deep down and have got into a rut it might be worth the work to get back to where you used to be, together? 
Therapy, open communication, date nights (or days) etc. 
It's been a really tricky time with the pandemic and all the terrible things happening around the world. Was it like this before all of that? 

thorsoak

The experience of people who have failed relationships is of equal value as those who have sustained a relationship for 40+ years.    Everybody brings a different tale to the table, and the OP can often find a point in one post, another point in a different post - the only posts that are of no value are those that belittle other people's points of view.

crv1963

OP I empathise with your situation.
There are several things you can do as previously stated- GP check for any underlying issues with libido, have a hard look at what you want out of life, on the basis that you are responsible for you and your happiness. Although of course we all have a responsibility to not make someone else miserable in chasing our own happiness. Then when you've decided what you want for you it is a case of making an informed decision on what your choices are.

I would consider lots of things- your work and what you enjoy, his behaviour(s) does he blame you for his moods/ sulks? If so it is a big warning flag! How does he treat you when not sulking? Does his behaviour extend to telling you what to do/ wear/ see/ does he belittle you at all? If so run! Is the family business causing him worries and he's taking it out on you?

The last thing really to decide is the relationship meeting your needs? It isn't all about you and your sex life although of course that is an important factor in relationships. Decide what you are and are not comfortable in doing, as well as frequency there is quality to consider! Also consider the possibility that he wants to end the relationship but doesn't know how too. I'd be upfront when you do discuss the relationship- that behaviour needs to change and be sustained, it is easy to apologise and promise change but hard to sustain unless it is meant.

I certainly wouldn't get married thinking that will improve things, like the improvement in lockdown it would be short lived and much more damaging and costly to extract yourself. 

Good luck, and make a decision that is comfortable for you.

Frith

I read as far as “radio silence”.

Dump!