Help with relationship

Sky_

Would he consider working in hospitality, then you'd have similar routines?  It's no different than him expecting you to change your job.

I agree about the sulking--members of my extended family (parents and siblings) do that and I've never understood it. To my mind you either say what's upset you and sort it out, or you forget about it and move on/carry on with life as normal. Extended sulking seems very passive-aggressive.

Only you know what's right for you, but I'd make it clear to him that living with a sulky partner is not okay for me, then I'd be gone if he continues.  The libido is more tricky--is 'no libido' normal for you, or are you turned off by his sulky behaviour? 

Oh, I have a dog that I love to bits and I felt the same about the previous dog and cat, it's not daft at all.

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

kazwookie

If he won't talk to you, then you need to talk to him even if he doesn't answer, and tell him how you feel, tell him what you want to happen in the future.

Personally I would book a doctor's appointment to discuss your low activity and get checked over, once that is done, I  would tell other half, that if things don't improve between you both, would would be asking him to leave as there is no point in carrying on as you are.

thorsoak

List - in order of precedence, what gives you most fulfilment in your life - your relationship?  your job?  your home?   your dog?  Again - list which of these you would be prepared to give up to get the best out of life?
This will give you the answers that you are looking for. 

MalMonroe

Sarah90 said:

MalMonroe said:

Hi, in your position I'd pack up my bags and my dog and leave.  For starters, I have never understood the childish behaviour of not speaking to someone when you are an adult. My ex's parents used to do that, and they did it no matter who was visiting. In the early days of our courtship I'd go to their house and my then boyfriend would say 'they're not talking again, we'll have to be careful what we say'. Why should WE have to be careful, I used to think. They did stay married but what a terrible way to live. 

Don't give up a job you love for this person. You're only 30, you have a wonderful life waiting for you out there, you need to go and live it. Don't let the fact that you have a house and mortgage stop you. My husband walked out on me and my small daughter when we still had a mortgage to pay and I survived.  We were far more committed than you are to your fiance. He doesn't deserve you and he's obviously not the right person for you. 

In short, RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!

Ah man, this is what I've needed to hear! 

Its so lovely to hear you are doing well! 

Thankyou SO much 

You are very welcome. You only have one life, don't waste it on this person. But do take care of that dog. x

Sarah90

prowla said:

I saw this thread title and wasn't disappointed by the misandrists chipping in with their friendly advice.

My advice is try and put yourself in his shoes; he is not receiving any affection and is probably wondering what the point of it all is.

Also, how do you talk to him - is it inclusive or demanding?

The sure thing is, if you listen to the advice so far, it's only going to do downhill.

Thank you for the advice. I always try and have open conversations with him, and don’t try and ask too much from him. 

Your right, I haven’t thought about things from his perspective, something I will try to do more moving forward. 

Thanks again 

Sarah90

Sky_ said:

Would he consider working in hospitality, then you'd have similar routines?  It's no different than him expecting you to change your job.

I agree about the sulking--members of my extended family (parents and siblings) do that and I've never understood it. To my mind you either say what's upset you and sort it out, or you forget about it and move on/carry on with life as normal. Extended sulking seems very passive-aggressive.

Only you know what's right for you, but I'd make it clear to him that living with a sulky partner is not okay for me, then I'd be gone if he continues.  The libido is more tricky--is 'no libido' normal for you, or are you turned off by his sulky behaviour? 

Oh, I have a dog that I love to bits and I felt the same about the previous dog and cat, it's not daft at all.

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

Thankyou for your reply! 

We met in hospitality! He now runs a family business, so he wouldn’t consider moving back. 

My libido is nothing to do with him - I have no urges - I don’t ‘fancy’ anyone really! 

Again thanks for your reply! 

Sarah90

MaterialGirl* said:

Do you still love and want a future with him? 

When he’s not talking to you do you try to initiate a calm conversation with him and does he just ignore you? You could consider some couples counselling to work on your communication skills. 

Re the difference in libido that is a difficult issue. Has your libido always been low or is it due to your relationship problems? Do you still fancy your boyfriend? I believe if you think you’re libido is not going to improve you need to be honest about this so he can decide if that is something he can live with.

Good luck whatever you two decide.

Thanks for your reply! 

Yes I do love him, I could see a future for us until recently. I try and talk to him and get one word answers -

 e.g how was football training?
Answer - fine.
Did you score any goals?
Answer - no
how did the doggie behave at work today? 

Answer - fine 

Thankyou again  

elsien

Sarah90 said:

Sky_ said:

Would he consider working in hospitality, then you'd have similar routines?  It's no different than him expecting you to change your job.

I agree about the sulking--members of my extended family (parents and siblings) do that and I've never understood it. To my mind you either say what's upset you and sort it out, or you forget about it and move on/carry on with life as normal. Extended sulking seems very passive-aggressive.

Only you know what's right for you, but I'd make it clear to him that living with a sulky partner is not okay for me, then I'd be gone if he continues.  The libido is more tricky--is 'no libido' normal for you, or are you turned off by his sulky behaviour? 

Oh, I have a dog that I love to bits and I felt the same about the previous dog and cat, it's not daft at all.

Good luck whatever you decide to do!

Thankyou for your reply! 

We met in hospitality! He now runs a family business, so he wouldn’t consider moving back. 

My libido is nothing to do with him - I have no urges - I don’t ‘fancy’ anyone really! 

Again thanks for your reply! 

If your libido has been the same throughout your relationship then why is it only becoming an issue for him now - what's changed? Eight years is a long time to then belatedly realise that it's a problem. 

Sarah90

kazwookie said:

If he won't talk to you, then you need to talk to him even if he doesn't answer, and tell him how you feel, tell him what you want to happen in the future.

Personally I would book a doctor's appointment to discuss your low activity and get checked over, once that is done, I  would tell other half, that if things don't improve between you both, would would be asking him to leave as there is no point in carrying on as you are.

I think a Drs appointment is needed whether we stay in the relationship or not  

Thankyou 

Sarah90

zagfles said:

So you work in hospitality, presumably you've not been working the last few months? Odd kind of hospitality job that would have carried on through the lockdown. So how was that? It's just you seem to write as if you've not just had 3 months off? 

Yes I have had 3 months off, however he wasn’t happy about my situation before lockdown - so it’s just carried on. I wrote as if the lockdown hasn’t happened because what I wrote was exactly the same before we went into lockdown. 

During the last 3 months it has been better because I have been around 24/7, then it returned back to normal.

Sorry for not making it clear that I have been in lockdown for 3 months, but I feel it really didn’t have anything to do with what I was asking for advice for. 

Thank you for your reply though!