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Help with relationship
Sarah90
Posts: 18 Forumite
Hey Everyone!
Just after some advice.
So me (30) and my Fiancé (29) have been together for 8 years, I work in hospitality and he works an office job (9-5) - this is relevant to the thread I promise.
We have been having some issues for a while now, I have problem with my sexual libido (i have none) and he has a really high sex drive! When i'm in the mood, everything is great - but thats rarely the case. Add to this the fact that I work 12 hour days (on his days off) - there hasn't been much of a relationship recently. He hates that I work late nights, while he is by himself. I have always worked in hospitality - and love it. Should i give it up for a 9-5 to make him happy?
I know we have problems, however his way of dealing with this is by not talking to me - radio silence for 6 days now. I try and talk to him, but he literally does not want to talk to me. We have a house with a mortgage and a dog - which I can't part with - I know this sounds daft, but i love that dog! I think i know in my heart its over I cant rationalise with someone who blatantly wont talk to me.
What would you guys do in my position?
TIA
Just after some advice.
So me (30) and my Fiancé (29) have been together for 8 years, I work in hospitality and he works an office job (9-5) - this is relevant to the thread I promise.
We have been having some issues for a while now, I have problem with my sexual libido (i have none) and he has a really high sex drive! When i'm in the mood, everything is great - but thats rarely the case. Add to this the fact that I work 12 hour days (on his days off) - there hasn't been much of a relationship recently. He hates that I work late nights, while he is by himself. I have always worked in hospitality - and love it. Should i give it up for a 9-5 to make him happy?
I know we have problems, however his way of dealing with this is by not talking to me - radio silence for 6 days now. I try and talk to him, but he literally does not want to talk to me. We have a house with a mortgage and a dog - which I can't part with - I know this sounds daft, but i love that dog! I think i know in my heart its over I cant rationalise with someone who blatantly wont talk to me.
What would you guys do in my position?
TIA
1
Comments
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Hold off getting married until he grows up enough to behave like an adult! Six days of punishing you by not talking is seriously unacceptable.Sarah90 said:We have been having some issues for a while now, I have problem with my sexual libido (i have none) and he has a really high sex drive!I know we have problems, however his way of dealing with this is by not talking to me - radio silence for 6 days now.
And no, don't give up the job you love to make him happy. He's not making any effort to make you happy.Unfortunately, with such a massive difference in your libidos, the future looks bleak for the relationship.8 -
Giving up a job you love may make you unhappy and its hard to make another person happy when you are unhappy in yourself! Maybe you could compromise and find a position that doesn't have so many long evenings, but don't go and alter something major for someone else unless there is compromise on both sides and that change definitely will benefit you both.
The thing that stands out the most is his immaturity in dealing with a challenging situation. If you stay together there will definitely be challenges. That's just what happens in life. Sulking like a child when you don't get your own way is unhelpful. It's not resolving the underlying issue and its designed to make you feel uncomfortable. Either to make you apologise (when you don't actually need to) to give in to his wishes or to 'punish you' because he didn't get his way. A couple of hours of sulking is one thing but 6 days? That's calculated behaviour. My suggestion would be to think about your whole relationship. If it's just this one issue, you could maybe seek counseling or talk it through properly if he will do that. If there are other things then maybe it is just not right for you.5 -
No you shouldn’t have to give up your job. Not speaking to you for 6 days is awful if you have a problem you should work through it. Do you have days off together? Can you organise some date time together?3
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We don't have full days off together, but I was planning on adjusting my rota so we would atleast get one full day off together, I have planned an Icelandic night for us (where we got engaged), to bring back the romance of the evening, but because of how he has been acting I don't know why I should bother.boxer234 said:No you shouldn’t have to give up your job. Not speaking to you for 6 days is awful if you have a problem you should work through it. Do you have days off together? Can you organise some date time together?0 -
Not daft at all.Sarah90 said:
We have a house with a mortgage and a dog - which I can't part with - I know this sounds daft, but i love that dog! I think i know in my heart its over I cant rationalise with someone who blatantly wont talk to me.
What would you guys do in my position?
End the relationship, come up with an arrangement for the dog.4 -
Hi, in your position I'd pack up my bags and my dog and leave. For starters, I have never understood the childish behaviour of not speaking to someone when you are an adult. My ex's parents used to do that, and they did it no matter who was visiting. In the early days of our courtship I'd go to their house and my then boyfriend would say 'they're not talking again, we'll have to be careful what we say'. Why should WE have to be careful, I used to think. They did stay married but what a terrible way to live.
Don't give up a job you love for this person. You're only 30, you have a wonderful life waiting for you out there, you need to go and live it. Don't let the fact that you have a house and mortgage stop you. My husband walked out on me and my small daughter when we still had a mortgage to pay and I survived. We were far more committed than you are to your fiance. He doesn't deserve you and he's obviously not the right person for you.
In short, RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!
Please note - taken from the Forum Rules and amended for my own personal use (with thanks) : It is up to you to investigate, check, double-check and check yet again before you make any decisions or take any action based on any information you glean from any of my posts. Although I do carry out careful research before posting and never intend to mislead or supply out-of-date or incorrect information, please do not rely 100% on what you are reading. Verify everything in order to protect yourself as you are responsible for any action you consequently take.7 -
Ah man, this is what I've needed to hear!MalMonroe said:Hi, in your position I'd pack up my bags and my dog and leave. For starters, I have never understood the childish behaviour of not speaking to someone when you are an adult. My ex's parents used to do that, and they did it no matter who was visiting. In the early days of our courtship I'd go to their house and my then boyfriend would say 'they're not talking again, we'll have to be careful what we say'. Why should WE have to be careful, I used to think. They did stay married but what a terrible way to live.
Don't give up a job you love for this person. You're only 30, you have a wonderful life waiting for you out there, you need to go and live it. Don't let the fact that you have a house and mortgage stop you. My husband walked out on me and my small daughter when we still had a mortgage to pay and I survived. We were far more committed than you are to your fiance. He doesn't deserve you and he's obviously not the right person for you.
In short, RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!
Its so lovely to hear you are doing well!
Thankyou SO much
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You can't work 12 hour shifts and leave the dog alone though. You'll have to have a plan for that, doggy daycare, family help, a dog-loving flatmate, or share custody with your soon to be ex.1
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Oh definitely, i would love to have him 24/7, but its not possible. He would never be left alone though, id make sure of itonwards&upwards said:You can't work 12 hour shifts and leave the dog alone though. You'll have to have a plan for that, doggy daycare, family help, a dog-loving flatmate, or share custody with your soon to be ex.
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He doesn't want to talk to you, fine, bye bye.2
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