Who should inherit my house?

sheramber

How long have you been in a relationship? I can see that that may be relevant to his father's point of view. 
If it is many years is different to if it is just a couple of years.
 

daivid

AW618 said:

Hamilton24 said:)

AW618 said:

AdrianC said:

AW618 said:

So his father has given him money to buy a place to live, because he cares about him, but would prefer that if he dies he gets that money back rather than it going to somebody he maybe doesn't even like very much.
What's odd about that?

Odd definition of "give". Sounds more like "lend".

Starting off calling it "give", then changing it to "lend" some time later is not the done thing. Give means give.

Yeah, you can make that case, although of course we have no idea what his paernts said when they passed the money over in the first place.  HIs willingness to go along with them is a fair indication that he knows what was said and doesn't think they are being unreasonable.    Still, if you give me your car to help me out and find out I gave it to some guy you despise to help him out and am still without one myself, what are you going feel?

This is a terrible analogy given his parents own lots of property so would most definitely not be without a home and I would sincerely hope they don’t despise me given how much time I spend with them.

It's funy how everyone seems to think  that if you are given a pair of socks at Christmas it is bad manners to give them to somebody else, but if someone gives you £80K to help you out it's fine to give it to someone else.

I suspect many on here don't. I certainly pass on many unwanted gifts (usually to charity but bottles etc are sometimes re-gifted).

Clearly there are different opinions on here but unless the Dad holds an interest in the property (or the interest was not declared for the mortgage) which would be a whole new can of worms, the money was gifted and once gifted an adult should accept that (but not necessarily like it...).

The OP and boyfriend have made a major commitment in buying together, have an exit plan and should share the same risks and rewards should misfortune strike. The original money given was a gift, and most likely a letter was produced to say it was a gift freely given and that is exactly how it should remain. As a parent or grandparent (or whoever else) when you gift something all you can do is trust and hope the gift will be received and used in a manner you approve of. If I were the bf in this situation I would point out clearly that writing a will was good advice gratefully received and telling me who to leave what to was not acceptable. That is me though, for the possibly lowish cost of it I can see the appeal of a life insurance policy that covers the initial gift being returned.

AW618

daivid said:

AW618 said:

Hamilton24 said:)

AW618 said:

AdrianC said:

AW618 said:

So his father has given him money to buy a place to live, because he cares about him, but would prefer that if he dies he gets that money back rather than it going to somebody he maybe doesn't even like very much.
What's odd about that?

Odd definition of "give". Sounds more like "lend".

Starting off calling it "give", then changing it to "lend" some time later is not the done thing. Give means give.

Yeah, you can make that case, although of course we have no idea what his paernts said when they passed the money over in the first place.  HIs willingness to go along with them is a fair indication that he knows what was said and doesn't think they are being unreasonable.    Still, if you give me your car to help me out and find out I gave it to some guy you despise to help him out and am still without one myself, what are you going feel?

This is a terrible analogy given his parents own lots of property so would most definitely not be without a home and I would sincerely hope they don’t despise me given how much time I spend with them.

It's funy how everyone seems to think  that if you are given a pair of socks at Christmas it is bad manners to give them to somebody else, but if someone gives you £80K to help you out it's fine to give it to someone else.

I suspect many on here don't. I certainly pass on many unwanted gifts (usually to charity but bottles etc are sometimes re-gifted).

Clearly there are different opinions on here but unless the Dad holds an interest in the property (or the interest was not declared for the mortgage) which would be a whole new can of worms, the money was gifted and once gifted an adult should accept that (but not necessarily like it...).

Between family the moral, not the legal, situation is governed entirely by whatever was said at the time of handing the money over.  If the money was given to buy a flat with a caveat that he didn't want it being put at risk with partners who were not of long standing, then ti is perfectly reasonable for him to want that carried through on.

FrugalCat

Hamilton24 said:

Basically all I want is to know that I’ll be able to live in my home if something were to happen to my partner without my home being owned by his parents. Is it possible to remortgage a property so that if something were to happen to my partner, I could then remortgage the property (which would then be mortgage-free due to our life insurance) and release money to give to his parents so they’d get their money back? Or could the will be written so that I can live in the house with a controlling interest in the house but if I were to marry someone else and sell the house, the parents would get their money back? I don’t want their money, I just want to be able to live in my home so trying the find the best way to do this.

1. The fallacy in your thinking is that it's your home. Its equity is currently circa 70% your boyfriend's and 30% yours, plus minus a few mortgage payments. The rest belongs to your lender. So you're currently a minority shareholder in property you live in.

2. His will should state to pay out his family the gift from the life insurance, while you are left his equity in the property.
You'll remain with whatever equity you both have amassed in the property, plus whatever is left over from the life insurance after returning the gift and the remaining mortgage.

3. If you want to avoid any issues with money/family later on, I'd advise you to say exactly this sentence to his dad in a clearing discussion: "I don’t want your their money, I just want to be able to live in my home so trying the find the best way to do this."
If you're tagged a gold digger by his parents, you'll likely get to watch them leave any further inheritance to their grandchildren or in a trust instead of you and your future husband.

EmmyLou30

The simple option not mentioned yet is that your boyfriend just lies to his Dad and says he's written it into the will. But in actual fact leaves his 70% share to you (as that seems to be what he wants to do and is being bullied by his family and made to feel guilty). 

My parents did a similar thing, gifted me money from my grandparents inheritance as they didn't need it and it enabled me to buy my first house. I've since met and married my husband and it's all 50:50. My parents would never say to me 'oh could you write your will so when you die 'our' money comes to us and not him'. It's no longer their money, it's mine. 

SameOldRoundabout

A gift is a gift. It clearly wasn’t given with the caveat of it being returned to the parents if he died so I am gobsmacked some posters think it should be. If it were a loan then yes, but it was a gift. If I were his parents I would rather my child’s partner, who he loved dearly even if by chance I didn’t really like, would not add homelessness to grief as that’s not what my child would have wanted. 

I think you need a frank discussion with your partner OP about the reality of you being homeless in the event of his death and why he thinks that is ok. He can take out a life insurance policy as suggested to repay capital if absolutely necessary but I would not be happy with him leaving the family home to someone else. You committed to buying a house, it doesn’t need a child or a ring to make you any more valid a family member of your own household!

carefullycautious

I am surprised he did not offer the money back he was gifted/given? to his parents( if they felt like this) before he purchased another property. You could have both started your home ownership journey as equals. I would not be happy thinking at any time I could loose my home.

AW618

SameOldRoundabout said:

A gift is a gift. It clearly wasn’t given with the caveat of it being returned to the parents if he died so I am gobsmacked some posters think it should be. If it were a loan then yes, but it was a gift. If I were his parents I would rather my child’s partner, who he loved dearly even if by chance I didn’t really like, would not add homelessness to grief as that’s not what my child would have wanted. 

How on earth do you know that?  The OP doesn't even know that.  At the time it was given it would automatically have reverted to the parents if he died.

Marvel1

Hamilton24 said:

elsien said:

If the money from his grandfather was left to him in grandad's will then it was his to do with as he wished, no strings attached.
If the money came from grandad to his parents and they decided to gift some to him in turn, then as a gift it is still his to do with as he wishes, no strings attached. The time to add any conditions to the gift was at the time it was made. That ship has long sailed.
If it was my parents I'd be wondering what made them so convinced I was going to shuffle of this mortal coil before them. 

He seems to be worried that his dad will cut him off (financially and emotionally) if he leaves his share of the house to me rather than them 

Your partner needs to learn to stand on his own two feet when it comes to finances.

Claire2989

I don’t think lying is a good or simple idea. It’s lies like that that cause great schisms between families right at the worst time, the premature death of a loved one. It just leaves a sour taste in everybody’s mouth (more that lie existed) at a time when everybody needs to lean on each other emotionally.

also, it isn’t necessarily that people think that the parents are entitled to anything. Personally, I don’t think they have a claim but I do understand somebody feeling like they owe their parents something. We don’t know what’s been said between parents and son. We don’t know they’ve ‘demanded’ anything. This could all be feelings the son has had from feeling he’s benefitted unfairly/ any other number of reasons. We know the dad has suggested the son does a will, sound financial advice. And that the parents are heavily involved in his finances. Not ideal for an independent adults but many relationships have some sort of quirk and he seems happy to have had them involved thus far. Gosh, people jump to some very judgemental conclusions. 

OP, as others have suggested, I would try and avoid the parents inheriting equity. Far better that they are ‘paid back’ with life insurance money and have no claim to your home together. If they inherit the share then they may well be entitled to far more that the original £80k (if prices have gone up) and they don’t have to sell their share to you. You don’t want to have to go through court proceedings to get them to sell their share to you. Fair simpler to keep it all in cash not property equity.