Who should inherit my house?

Hamilton24

elsien said:

If the money from his grandfather was left to him in grandad's will then it was his to do with as he wished, no strings attached.
If the money came from grandad to his parents and they decided to gift some to him in turn, then as a gift it is still his to do with as he wishes, no strings attached. The time to add any conditions to the gift was at the time it was made. That ship has long sailed.
If it was my parents I'd be wondering what made them so convinced I was going to shuffle of this mortal coil before them. 

Totally agree with all of this! He seems to be worried that his dad will cut him off (financially and emotionally) if he leaves his share of the house to me rather than them and doesn’t want to lose his relationship with his dad. He seems to feel that the money belongs in his family so his parents would be annoyed if I ended up with it.

greatcrested

If you own 30%, presumably you are contributing 30% of the monthly mortgage payments?

Why does your partner have to/want to tell his father what's in his will? It's private - he does not need to tell anyone, not even you, unless he chooses to.

Given that you are not married, and no children, your partner can leave his share to whoever he wants. He feels a financial obligation to his father though I'm not sure why - seems it was a gift handed down from his grandad - but if he feels it's 'family money he can bequeath it back to his family.

But it does seem hard on you, and perhaps says something about your relationship and his commitment to you.......

Claire2989

If it helps I have an extra policy (not for the mortgage) for £100k none reducing and it costs me £7 a month. So it doesn’t have to be expensive.

Money and family are difficult things. Of course his parents don’t have a claim to it. But he’s obviously very aware of the position he’s in due to his family money and feels he owes them for that. Legally they can’t touch the money and it’s up to him. But that doesn’t mean he feels emotionally that way about it and that can have a big impact. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be insensitive but feels torn between the 2 situations which I can empathise with. 

AdrianC

Hamilton24 said:

(this money was inheritance from his grandfather but given to him early so he could buy the flat)

I'm not quite sure what this bit means - could you clarify?

It's only an "early inheritance" if his grandfather's still alive.

Or was it left in a trust until he reached a certain age?

Claire2989

I disagree with the comment about his commitment to you and your life together. I don’t think you can make any kind of assumptions of people’s relationships with their parents or partners when you know them never mind to strangers on a forum.

Nobody on this forum knows why he feels this way about the money it could be many reasons! Not limited to thinking he got a ‘leg up’ in life because of what family he was born into and that can come with guilt and all kinds of emotions. Wanting to do right by your family (partner and parents) isn’t a bad thing!

Hamilton24

greatcrested said:

If you own 30%, presumably you are contributing 30% of the monthly mortgage payments?

Why does your partner have to/want to tell his father what's in his will? It's private - he does not need to tell anyone, not even you, unless he chooses to.

Given that you are not married, and no children, your partner can leave his share to whoever he wants. He feels a financial obligation to his father though I'm not sure why - seems it was a gift handed down from his grandad - but if he feels it's 'family money he can bequeath it back to his family.

But it does seem hard on you, and perhaps says something about your relationship and his commitment to you.......

No, we pay the mortgage 50/50. The 70/30 split is only for if we split up and after the anything paid off the mortgage has been split 50/50 to reflect the difference in deposit amounts. He’s aware that he doesn’t have to tell either me or his father what he puts in his will but I need to know what happens to my home if anything happens to him and his father is insisting that they discuss the will. If he refuses to discuss the will with his father then his father will get angry anyway. I’m trying to find a way to compromise that means he doesn’t have to worry about his relationship with me or with his parents.

princeofpounds

I can see this both ways. You are a 'partner', but what that means is that you are boyfriend and girlfriend who have bought a property together as tenants-in-common.

Any further commitment is entirely at the discretion of both of you - you are not married or civil partners, you have no dependants. He can choose to leave his money to you, his parents, or the local cats home.

Whilst I could make disparaging comments about his commitment level in refusing to make you a beneficiary of his will, I have no idea about your relationship, and I can also imagine situations where I would want to do the same as him. One example might be if I had nieces and nephews struggling to make ends meet, whilst your only relative was a rich father who could back up your lifestyle and would inherit if you too passed on in turn before he did. 

OK, that's a rather contorted example, but I only make it to show that we should not rush to decisive judgement when we know so little about the two of you. 

Hamilton24

AdrianC said:

Hamilton24 said:

(this money was inheritance from his grandfather but given to him early so he could buy the flat)

I'm not quite sure what this bit means - could you clarify?

It's only an "early inheritance" if his grandfather's still alive.

Or was it left in a trust until he reached a certain age?

Sorry - I’m probably wording it badly! The money was left to his father by his grandfather when his grandfather died but his dad would be leaving the money to my partner anyway upon his (the dad’s) death so gave him the money early (after the grandfather died but before the dad died) so he could use it to buy his flat.

Hamilton24

Claire2989 said:

If it helps I have an extra policy (not for the mortgage) for £100k none reducing and it costs me £7 a month. So it doesn’t have to be expensive.

Money and family are difficult things. Of course his parents don’t have a claim to it. But he’s obviously very aware of the position he’s in due to his family money and feels he owes them for that. Legally they can’t touch the money and it’s up to him. But that doesn’t mean he feels emotionally that way about it and that can have a big impact. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be insensitive but feels torn between the 2 situations which I can empathise with. 

Thank you - that’s very helpful. You’ve understood his situation exactly. He is very torn and doesn’t want to alienate either me or his father and I can understand that it’s hard to feel like all that money is yours to do with as you wish when it’s so much money.

elsien

How old is he? That's not meant to be disparaging, just that the answer might be different to someone in their early twenties as opposed to someone in their forties, for example. 
I appreciate he wants to maintain the relationship with his father, but if he's a fully functioning adult with a partner and a mortgage a house then dad insisting they discuss wills and finances  is overstepping the mark. 
What's the line at which your partner would feel able to politely and assertively tell his parents to back off?