I've done it again....

Newstart3

After clearing about £28k of debt, incurred through bailing my ex out/ coerced into taking out loans/ credit cards etc. (he cheated on me - we broke up).  My credit was ruined due to about 12 defaults & a CCJ as I couldn't afford the minimum payments on my own.  Slowly paid it all off using full & final settlements. The majority of these are due to fall off my file this year, the CCJ next year in June. 
I was doing really well and I took out a credit card to use for fuel & cleared balance in full every month.  Thought this would help my credit, but I'm seriously starting to think there's something wrong with me.  It's almost like self sabotage.
So needless to say, I've not had a lot of disposable income for the past 6 -7 years either stuck in a cycle of minimum payments, or trying to clear this debt.  In January 2019 my friend invited me to America in the November for her birthday.  Having not had a decent holiday for years, I literally jumped at the chance & paid the £250 deposit.  9 months seemed ages to pay the holiday and save up some spending money.  Unfortunately, the overspending started and before I knew it the £2400 balance on my credit card was pretty much spent.  Come August, panic sets in... holiday to be paid in October but savings are Zero... Queue credit card 2, then 3, then 4.  Issue with my teeth, spending money for holiday, Christmas, birthdays, nights out, weekends away etc etc it's all gone on credit.  
I feel at this point I should mention, I'm not on a rubbish wage... my disposable income is over a £1000 a month or rather it should be... the minimum payments on credit is now £320 a month.  I'm literally so s***t with money.
So last month I've counted up the damage & its over £6k.  I've now done a budget, cancelled some direct debits and I'm looking at a debt free date of 30th November.
 I think the hardest pill to swallow is that I've been here before and clearly I've not learned from my lesson.  I feel like there's something wrong with me.  Is this something I need counselling in?  Has anyone else gone through this before? Any advice? 

RobM99

"spending money for holiday, Christmas, birthdays, nights out, weekends away etc etc it's all gone on credit."  

I think you need to sort priorities!

Newstart3

RobM99 said:

"spending money for holiday, Christmas, birthdays, nights out, weekends away etc etc it's all gone on credit."  

I think you need to sort priorities!

Clearly, but that’s not very constructive advice. I didn’t come here for judgement or criticism. Ta 

Annie161

Hi. I can understand where you are coming from...done it myself. I think a lot of my overspending and poor budgeting is from feeling low, especially my self esteem. I have seen this pattern in so many women and a few men. I think counselling might help as there is self sabotage going on and I know I should see somebody.. when I can afford it !..

Newstart3

Annie161 said:

Hi. I can understand where you are coming from...done it myself. I think a lot of my overspending and poor budgeting is from feeling low, especially my self esteem. I have seen this pattern in so many women and a few men. I think counselling might help as there is self sabotage going on and I know I should see somebody.. when I can afford it !..

Hi Annie, I know what you mean. I’ve been through such a terrible time. I seem to do really well for months, then I reward myself but it’s obviously counterproductive as I’ve ended up in a mess with money again. It’s a vicious circle. I’ll take your advice & look into some counselling. I hope you can afford to do the same, when you have a bit more to spend. Take care  

Onebrokelady

Ive been the same and finally came to my senses two years ago but too late to stop me running up more debt. I haven't had any counselling type help I just reached the end of my tether, I realised I was out of my depth and was rapidly heading towards a financial meltdown, it was making me ill. 
I came here and arranged a DMP, I did it that way because it was the only way I could afford to pay my way out of my mess. I don't know what changed but I just woke up one day and was fed up of living in fear of my money running out. Starting the DMP was brilliant for me,it's given me breathing space and made me learn how to budget, it's also trashed my credit score so I know I can't get credit anywhere,I deal in cash now and if I want something I have to save for it, I'm not suggesting you get a DMP for the amount you owe (I owe considerably more than you ) I just wanted to share my experience 
Over the last two years I have also learned that objects aren't important but people are, I have watched my behaviour and noted that I spend when I'm sad or bored, so the aim is to keep myself happy and busy. I also try to give myself a cooling off period before buying anything,I often find if I give myself a few days to think about it I go off whatever it was I thought I needed. I have admitted to myself that I am a compulsive spender so I have to be vigilant with myself all the time. I do slip up sometimes,I'm not perfect but I am so much more in control of my money  than I have ever been
Some of my debt was silly spending that was entirely my fault, some of it was guilt spending on things like Christmas and birthdays for my daughters and family and some of it was bad planning for things like unexpected vet bills or house repairs 
I have saved up an emergency fund to help with unexpected things, I now have a set budget for Christmas and birthdays and I save up for them over the year ( my daughters and family still love me 😊) and I got pet insurance 

You have paid off debt once before so you know how to do it again, you need to sit down and work out what you owe, how much you earn and how many things you can do without until you have paid it off. You don't need to deprive yourself completely but try to build treats into your budget,I still go riding when I can as this keeps me sane
Good luck, I hope you get sorted soon 

Newstart3

Onebrokelady said:

Ive been the same and finally came to my senses two years ago but too late to stop me running up more debt. I haven't had any counselling type help I just reached the end of my tether, I realised I was out of my depth and was rapidly heading towards a financial meltdown, it was making me ill. 
I came here and arranged a DMP, I did it that way because it was the only way I could afford to pay my way out of my mess. I don't know what changed but I just woke up one day and was fed up of living in fear of my money running out. Starting the DMP was brilliant for me,it's given me breathing space and made me learn how to budget, it's also trashed my credit score so I know I can't get credit anywhere,I deal in cash now and if I want something I have to save for it, I'm not suggesting you get a DMP for the amount you owe (I owe considerably more than you ) I just wanted to share my experience 
Over the last two years I have also learned that objects aren't important but people are, I have watched my behaviour and noted that I spend when I'm sad or bored, so the aim is to keep myself happy and busy. I also try to give myself a cooling off period before buying anything,I often find if I give myself a few days to think about it I go off whatever it was I thought I needed. I have admitted to myself that I am a compulsive spender so I have to be vigilant with myself all the time. I do slip up sometimes,I'm not perfect but I am so much more in control of my money  than I have ever been
Some of my debt was silly spending that was entirely my fault, some of it was guilt spending on things like Christmas and birthdays for my daughters and family and some of it was bad planning for things like unexpected vet bills or house repairs 
I have saved up an emergency fund to help with unexpected things, I now have a set budget for Christmas and birthdays and I save up for them over the year ( my daughters and family still love me 😊) and I got pet insurance 

You have paid off debt once before so you know how to do it again, you need to sit down and work out what you owe, how much you earn and how many things you can do without until you have paid it off. You don't need to deprive yourself completely but try to build treats into your budget,I still go riding when I can as this keeps me sane
Good luck, I hope you get sorted soon 

I also used a DMP to pay off my debt, but I was able to settle a lot of the debts using full & final settlements. I’ve seen some advice on an emergency funds before, so I’ve put away £750 before starting to pay down the debt. The Xmas/ birthdays savings is a great tip though. It’s a no brainier really when you think about it, all these dates are the same every year so I should really plan for them.  I also need to be a bit less generous. I’d like to buy a house in the future, I just need to sort myself out. I know loads of people get a real kick out of saving, but I’ve always been a spender. I’ll defo try your tip about cooling off before buying things. I’m definitely guilty of impulse buying to cheer myself up, but later regret it when I don’t use or need it. Thanks very much 

ryanm8655

Newstart3 said:

RobM99 said:

"spending money for holiday, Christmas, birthdays, nights out, weekends away etc etc it's all gone on credit."  

I think you need to sort priorities!

Clearly, but that’s not very constructive advice. I didn’t come here for judgement or criticism. Ta 

Agreed, not helpful at all. And I don’t think it’s a priorities issue...it’s a budgeting issue. It’s fine to want to go on holidays and go out etc. But you need to budget for it.

I can completely relate. Got into debt in a similar fashion, as have most of us. 

The positive is you have learned, you’ve caught it pretty early before it got mega out of hand.

I get the self destructive element as well. I’ve certainly had that in the past. I’ve found having a longterm financial goal beyond just being debt free helps to change the mentality. Do you own a house, for example? 

Start budgeting. Maybe fill in an SOA and post it here to work out where the money is going, then set up a Monzo account or similar and put your money into pots. E.g. have a holiday fund and an entertainment pot for dinners and nights out etc. And when it’s gone it’s gone.

Newstart3

ryanm8655 said:

Newstart3 said:

RobM99 said:

"spending money for holiday, Christmas, birthdays, nights out, weekends away etc etc it's all gone on credit."  

I think you need to sort priorities!

Clearly, but that’s not very constructive advice. I didn’t come here for judgement or criticism. Ta 

Agreed, not helpful at all. And I don’t think it’s a priorities issue...it’s a budgeting issue. It’s fine to want to go on holidays and go out etc. But you need to budget for it.

I can completely relate. Got into debt in a similar fashion, as have most of us. 

The positive is you have learned, you’ve caught it pretty early before it got mega out of hand.

I get the self destructive element as well. I’ve certainly had that in the past. I’ve found having a longterm financial goal beyond just being debt free helps to change the mentality. Do you own a house, for example? 

Start budgeting. Maybe fill in an SOA and post it here to work out where the money is going, then set up a Monzo account or similar and put your money into pots. E.g. have a holiday fund and an entertainment pot for dinners and nights out etc. And when it’s gone it’s gone.

Budgeting is definitely an issue for me. It’s such a foreign concept, like most people my parents weren’t much help and I became a ‘weekend millionaire’ as soon as I started working. I’m hoping the emergency fund and little savings pots, will help me organise my finances. I think my problem historically is I’ve never been realistic about my budget so I’ve ended up overspending, then giving up cos it’s hard. 

I was thinking about a longer term goal & buying a house is definitely a priority for me. I’m lucky that housing is relatively inexpensive compared to other places so £100,000 would buy something decent. If I get my finances into check, I could have a 10% deposit by October next year.  

I really appreciate your advice. 

tealady

Hi
Have you thought about having different accounts for different things
For example account 1 for bills, account 2 for emergency savings and account 3 for treats.
When you get paid put money in 1 and 2 , anything left goes in 3.
If you want a treat then it comes out of 3, when it's gone, its gone.
HTH

kimwp

I think if your behaviour in an area is not what you want it to be, then it's probably worth considering counselling. 
But I think it's worth trying the pots idea first. Eg pots for the essentials, for paying off the debts, an emergency fund and for saving for your mortgage etc, plus a fun pot for things you want but don't need. Pay into those pots as soon as your wage comes in.
The emergency fund can't be dipped into unless for an actual emergency (holiday payments don't count!) The fun pot is the only money you need to think about - so you can spend it on whatever you want, but once it's gone, it's gone! I suggest that while you are paying off your debt, make it small and make the intervals small as well eg for the first month, your fun pot is £10 a week. You can save the £10 each week to have a nice meal in week 4, but you can't borrow from future weeks. Thinking like this around smaller amounts might help retrain how you think about spending. You might want to do it in cash, though that's difficult with internet based spending.
Best of luck!