Not sure how I'm going to get through this!

ryanm8655

Abbafan1972 said:

monetxchange said:

Agree with Purple Fairy - you can get more than enough in a week's delivery. Bread and milk will freeze. Get everyone to accept that if they eat it all at once, they won't be getting more. They'll soon get used to making things last!

I'm still not sure the urgency of this has sunk in yet. Looking back on your old threads, your employer warned you about the threat of redundancy in April, yet a few weeks ago you were posting on here asking for recommendations as you wanted to buy £60 Bluetooth headphones for your daughter seemingly just because.

I think it's important to realise people aren't guilt tripping you about past mistakes here. It's just about trying to get you to have your lightbulb moment so you can truly move forward with a plan for the whole of your future, not just seeing how you can get round this current situation without making many changes. Look at my signature - this time last year I was truly in it with debt, yet telling myself it was just how it was always going to be. I spent almost 20 years in debt until I realised it was me that had to make changes, nobody else. I really think you're close to it all clicking and that's what everyone on here will want to see. 

Thanks for your reply.  But looking at my old threads and using these as ammunition don't really work, I feel bad enough already.  FYI, I did get daughter some BT headphones, they cost £40 and she paid for them out of pocket money my Mom gives her. 

I’ve been on the receiving end of stern advice that touched a nerve on here, so I understand where you are coming from. People also dig up
old threads for context, which I found annoying at the time but in hindsight I am so grateful as it helped me to have that lightbulb moment, which you seem like you are yet to have.

Read through my old threads and you’ll see I’ve been here twice, the second time with far more debt. I ignored advice and felt like I knew better.

Most, if not all of us, have been financially irresponsible and got ourselves into a mess with debt. Advice isn’t coming from a position of judgement, it is trying to get you to have that lightbulb moment and sort out your priorities before you lose your house.

You’re struggling to afford your mortgage, let alone sky and you’d be struggling even if you were earning. You don’t have long to get a handle on this.

I appreciate it’s tough to hear but you’ve already taken one good step in posting here and confronting the issue, don’t let that be wasted. Act quickly and heed the advice in this thread.

kimwp

Hi Abbafan1972, it can be really hard reading these comments, but really nobody wants you to feel bad and you really shouldn't - you are doing a good thing in trying to sort the situation and many on here have been in similar situations.
What everyone is trying to do is figure out the best advice they can give to help you out of that situation, whether it's practical or getting you into the mindset that others have had to get into to make the drastic changes needed - because the collective experience  on here is that while you've made big steps, there's a possibility that they aren't big enough to resolve the issue. Looking at your old posts is a sign that someone is really trying to understand your situation in order to help you best. It's hard to strike the right tone in these messages and it might feel like an onslaught due to the number of posters, but if you can see each post as everyone reaching out in help, regardless of tone or message content, then you will see it from "our" side. Hope that helps, stay strong, you're doing the right thing xx

Sea_Shell

Please take all the posts in the spirit they are meant, from a place of wanting to help and advise you.

Over the years of reading these threads, dealing with debt is much like the 5 stages of grief, being...

• denial.
• anger.
• bargaining.
• depression.
• acceptance.

Its usual to feel some or all of the above, realising this is part of the solution.

The "lightbulb" is the acceptance that your previous lifestyle is no more and many changes are needed, some more drastic than others.

Good luck

busymummyof2

Just wanted to say hi,
Unfortunately I can't really offer any advice really as in a similar situation but without the husband in tow, just me and my two kids.
Hope you get work soon to buy you some breathing space and manage to sort things out.  

RAS

Abbafan

Your OH is not on board. You need to book a joint discussion with one of the debt charities (stepchange or national debtline) urgently. Perhaps if OH hears the news from someone outside the family, he might realise how bad the situation is.

We understand you feel bad, but plainly your OH does not, and until he get's it, it doesn't make a blind bit of difference how bad you feel.

Otherwise one option may be to put the house up for sale pronto, repay the mortgage and any secure debt and then stop paying the unsecured debt totally.

How much would it cost to rent a similar house in your area, or  a cheaper one close enough for the kids to get to school?

Andyjflet

Keep us posted, as above, sorry if we sound harsh but after 10 years of being on here it really doesn't sound like you have hit that lightbulb moment where you think "enough is enough"
You are attacking a giant mountain with a small shovel instead of a JCB.
I would be having conversations with SKY about how serious this is, you cant afford to be paying £63 a month. Go through every DD again and see whats coming out and why. Your house is the priority here and you need to save it. 

Fatsdom

Ditch sky. Ditch the beer. Cancel the holiday. Until you do all of the above then people here will struggle to help. 

Let us know when you've had a light bulb moment, we'll be waiting as we always are to help. 

monetxchange

OP, I apologise if it came across as using things as ammunition. I just felt there was a bit of hand in the sanding re: the potential job loss and it was important to learn to address these things proactively in the future. I did go onto say in the thread it was trying to shock you into action - like Ryan said, it worked for him and for me and for many other posters to hear the cold hard truth. I was in no way trying to make you feel bad as many of us here have been where you're standing, not just some pillars of money savviness - as I said, I also had huge debt this time last year. To be honest, the posters that come on here looking for "life is so hard, you're doing your best" softly softly advice often don't get on with the constructive feedback here and end up disappearing and coming back a couple of years down the line with double the debt having made even more bad financial decisions. I honestly wouldn't want that for you and I wouldn't post if I didn't think you could manage all this.

Grumpelstiltskin

OP I hope you come back as you do need help and this is the correct place to  get it.
I know you felt a bit raw yesterday but I think the general opinion here is that we are not getting the whole truth especially about the grocery spend and / or your husband hasn't had his light bulb moment yet.
So please come back.

BabyStepper

No-one here has anything to apologise for. I would have paid good money (if I'd had any!) for the advice and collective wisdom on here when I was in financial trouble. This is the same advice we give everyone, the same methods of repayments (a few variations on a theme) and the same reality check when we slide back into old ways by mistake. Thank goodness for you all. 

OP, it may be hard to hear that you really can't afford a holiday just now (or that your daughter's £40 would have been better spent on essentials like shoes) but unless you have a secret stash of cash you're not telling us about or a well paid job lined up you forgot to mention, things are desperate for you just now. Even if you did have those things, you still can't afford to go on holiday until you have worked out a budget that works, a plan to get this debt better under control and you have started making progress to show you can do it.  

Let us know how you're doing.