Not sure how I'm going to get through this!

GaleSF63

kimwp said:

...trying to cut the costs of maintaining your lifestyle. But the truth is that your lifestyle (at least temporarily) needs to change.

That is the most concise description of why a lot of people with reasonable incomes struggle to reduce their debt!

clairebeth

If you think of the £120 on sky as 10% of your husband's take home pay... he's working 10% of his hours a month for a TV subscription.  Is that like 16 hours a month? Just to pay for TV? How much TV does he watch? Probably not worth working an extra 2 days a month for. 

Abbafan1972

Thanks once again for all of your replies.  Sorry If I don't reply directly to people, but I have read all your comments.

With regards to the broadband, we are still contracted with Sky, so can't get rid of that at the moment.  It's £25 month, so the TV + Netflix is £38, which makes the £63.00.  We have discussed having virgin before, but when we looked into it, it was dearer not to have the landline!  I would get rid of the landline, as I agree it's pointless having it, the phone is no longer plugged in. 

I have got some work to do this week to generate some cash to get rid of the phone contracts. 

Will keep you all updated on my progress. 

warby68

Good morning OP
Contracts are tricky and although tackling them is good , Sky and mobiles are minuscule compared to your overall deficit ( Sky - £35 on a £2k deficit), so please tell us that you also have some plans for the bigger stuff after the weekend.
I don't think you'll like this but I think the holidays should go and you get whatever refunds you can. Not sure how it works with holidays that have been moved due to Covid 19 but ordinarily your holiday dates are far enough away now for a decent cancellation refund. Truthfully I don't think you could afford them before you lost your job. If you got a lump sum back (tell mum you're in a mess and need cash more) you could for example buy a cheap car and ditch the finance one.
Income wise, given how this is short term survival, its probably realistic to add some overtime for OH if he earns it without fail - perhaps the lowest amount over a 12m period? 
Really glad you will have some earnings this week but please don't let working distract you from the other stuff. Each day makes it more urgent.
Like everyone else, your grocery bill is still a puzzle. We are 4 adults ( including 2 male students back home) and have lived very well during lockdown including a fair bit of alcohol and I still can't get anywhere near what you are spending plus I'm keeping us quite well stocked. Is smoking perhaps in there? £400 pm shouldn't be impossible and will be such a good win for you.
What does OH think you should do? Its feeling like its all on you at the moment. 
I'm very conscious that it will have taken a lot to face up to this and even more to tackle what needs tackling here as its probably your whole lifestyle so hope the comments are not too painful. A quick look at other threads suggests you might have been having a tough time employment wise before this too. You must guide posters if its too tough to hear or need a different type of help and I do hope you have some good support in real life.

PurpleFairy26

As others have said well done on posting and making a start. i know there have been lots of posts on food. Just my thoughts to help you bring it down:

1. write a freezer inventory of what you have and a cupboard inventory. 

2. Write next weeks meal plan from that and any subsequent weeks until it's reduced. 

3. Don't waste anything. Check fridge every other day and use/freeze anything on the turn. Anything you throw away is like pudding cash in the bin. 
4. if you are getting a weekly slot - DO NOT do top up shops. We've been shielding during C19 and so we can't just pop to the shop and we have had just 1 delivery a week and we've survived, if things haven't turned up or being substituted or we forgot something we just eat what we have
5. Read guidelines on here about dropping brands / reducing food spend 
6. set a realistic budget and stick to it. If you have food in the freezers/ cupboards you should be able to do the next few weeks for £50 for fresh stuff and missing ingredients. 

Best of luck with restructuring your mortgage and speaking to your other creditors. Make sure you don't spend further on the cards. 

monetxchange

Agree with Purple Fairy - you can get more than enough in a week's delivery. Bread and milk will freeze. Get everyone to accept that if they eat it all at once, they won't be getting more. They'll soon get used to making things last!

I'm still not sure the urgency of this has sunk in yet. Looking back on your old threads, your employer warned you about the threat of redundancy in April, yet a few weeks ago you were posting on here asking for recommendations as you wanted to buy £60 Bluetooth headphones for your daughter seemingly just because.

I think it's important to realise people aren't guilt tripping you about past mistakes here. It's just about trying to get you to have your lightbulb moment so you can truly move forward with a plan for the whole of your future, not just seeing how you can get round this current situation without making many changes. Look at my signature - this time last year I was truly in it with debt, yet telling myself it was just how it was always going to be. I spent almost 20 years in debt until I realised it was me that had to make changes, nobody else. I really think you're close to it all clicking and that's what everyone on here will want to see. 

enthusiasticsaver

I would agree with the previous two posters that if you are bad with top up shops, one online delivery or click and collect and no top up shops is the way to go along with freezer inventory and meal planning.  We do that and it works great.  I have not been in a supermarket for months now. 

Trying to sort out the sky and mobiles etc is a good idea but is just tinkering around the edges and what it boils down to is you just do not have enough income to cover your outgoings.  Even if you get another job quickly unless it is very well paid (and  administration usually isnt) you are going to struggle. You have a car loan which is higher than the value of the car so that is a massive problem along with the very high mortgage no doubt which has many years of overspending consolidated on to it.  That unfortunately has left your home at risk so this is your biggest problem.  Not the sky or mobiles or even the car. 

So number 1 thing you should do is contact your mortgage provider.  I do not think mortgage holidays are a great idea as the balance goes up and that means the interest rate goes up.  You do not have a great mortgage rate but undoubtedly moving to a better deal is not going to happen realistically when your finances are in a mess and you do not have a job. So get the mortgage provider to change the term to the maximum for now and that will lower the monthly repayments.  This along with council tax and bills should be your priority.  Not the credit cards, the groceries or all the other bits and pieces and definitely not the holidays which I do not think you can afford. If they are already paid for though and you do not have grounds for cancelling and getting refunds then make sure spending money is saved after all the other stuff is paid for. The car is a massive problem and you should have stuck to your guns with your OH who quite honestly needs to stop taking an ostrich and sulky child approach to this debt which seems to be all on you. Accusing you of picking on him because he cannot have his £50 of alcohol  is quite honestly ridiculous when you cannot afford your mortgage. Show him the figures calmly and sort out what is going to stop.  Someone else on here put it very succinctly. You are trying to maintain your lifestyle for a lower cost when you need to change it.  That means no fussy eating, no alcohol, no satellite tv or cars which are unaffordable.  Back to basics.  A roof over your head, food ( and not £800 worth) and basic utilities.  I think you will have to default on the credit cards and goodness knows what to do about the car as if you default on that they will take it back and your husband will not be able to work but giving it back wont work as you have a shortfall on the finance.  Sorry if I have sounded tough but you are in a predicament and that will need some very tough decisions. I have seen others get out of these situations though so I don't want you to think it is hopeless.  If you ring Sky and tell them you cannot afford to pay them there is little they can do except default you and cancel the service.  Same goes for expensive mobiles which will mean no contract phones but you can still do PAYG. 

Abbafan1972

monetxchange said:

Agree with Purple Fairy - you can get more than enough in a week's delivery. Bread and milk will freeze. Get everyone to accept that if they eat it all at once, they won't be getting more. They'll soon get used to making things last!

I'm still not sure the urgency of this has sunk in yet. Looking back on your old threads, your employer warned you about the threat of redundancy in April, yet a few weeks ago you were posting on here asking for recommendations as you wanted to buy £60 Bluetooth headphones for your daughter seemingly just because.

I think it's important to realise people aren't guilt tripping you about past mistakes here. It's just about trying to get you to have your lightbulb moment so you can truly move forward with a plan for the whole of your future, not just seeing how you can get round this current situation without making many changes. Look at my signature - this time last year I was truly in it with debt, yet telling myself it was just how it was always going to be. I spent almost 20 years in debt until I realised it was me that had to make changes, nobody else. I really think you're close to it all clicking and that's what everyone on here will want to see. 

Thanks for your reply.  But looking at my old threads and using these as ammunition don't really work, I feel bad enough already.  FYI, I did get daughter some BT headphones, they cost £40 and she paid for them out of pocket money my Mom gives her. 

warby68

OK OP, I was also one who looked a little at your old threads - my reason was to get a clue on your earning level but the holidays and problems with your probation did pop up quickly.
We know you'll feel awful but please don't get put off the bigger messages by one comment which jars.
PLEASE tell us instead what else you and OH have decided to tackle today - mortgage has to be first. What else? Got to keep going here.

sharpe106

What you have done in the past is not really relevant currently. It is done, it is something to look at in the future so you don't fall into the same situation again. As others have said you need to forget your lifestyle, until your situation changes you can't afford one.

From reading your posts I think your husband blames you and obviously you blame yourself. But the reality is you were make redundant like lots of other people have been, so no point assigning blame you need to tackle the situation you are in.

Obviously if you get a new job then great but you need to plan for here and now, that means battering down the hatches and surviving. Then you can look at the longer term.

 

You need to reduce the food bill desperately, address the mortgage, extend it as long as you can, got an holiday break on any loans you can and get rid of the car.

 

Although unfortunately it all seems to be on you as your husband does not really seem to be on board. Not quite sure what you can do about that though.