Husband wants to donate his body to medical science, dont know how to feel.

SadieO

I think this is a really honourable thing to want to do. I work in higher education and I rather like the idea of being useful even after I'm gone! (This reminds me, I read a fascinating article a while ago about a businessman who said he wanted his million dollar car to be buried with him when he died. There was uproar about it being a ridiculous waste to just bury something so valuable - turned out he was actually making a point about organ donation!)

I've watched a few programmes about body donation and, as others have said, was struck by how respectful the students and staff are, and the beautiful service of gratitute they hold. 

Just on a practical note, you might also want a plan b in case it is not suitable when the time comes. I'm sure the literature will cover this, but I think not all offers can be accepted for various reasons. 

cymruchris

The thread has made me think about my own demise - I don’t have a wife or children - and if things follow the natural course - I’ll be the last to go in my family - so it might be something that’s worth me signing up to. I’ll have to do a bit of research to see if it’s possible. How’s the conversation going with your husband ? How are you feeling about it after a few days reflection? 

Marmaduke123

My father wanted to do this back in the 1970s. My sister was very much against it, and for that reason he didn't  go ahead. I always felt it was a very generous and altruistic thing to do, and that it was quite wrong for my sister to effectively prevent it.
Back then the idea of a memorial service held separately from an actual funeral with a coffin was quite unfamiliar to the general public. Not so now, so a ceremony of some kind without the deceased present is very possible.

Misslayed

My first husband wanted to donate his body to medical science, but it wasn't possible as there was so much 'wrong' with it, but just before he died I discovered that the Brompton Hospital would accept his lungs for very specific research, as he had a very rare lung disease. As he had raised over £5000 for research into the disease in his final few years, it just seemed the right thing to do. He saught 'permission' from his Priest to do this, and he gave it, on condition that, when finished with, his remains were respectfully disposed off. When I signed the forms after his death, this was very explicitly included.
We had discussed the 'arrangements' at length during his final years, which made it much easier to do. But we still had the ritual of a funeral, a wake to give me, everybody, closure. 

I know of a couple of folk (elderly and terminal) who have organised their own wake, both didn't want to miss the party (in one case, "as I'll be paying for it").
I think the more you talk, reflect, talk some more, the clearer you will be able to think about it all. 

tooldle

Both of my parents have done this. 
They were both registered with the same teaching hospital. Their solicitor organised the paperwork, and kept a note with their wills to check that wishes are adhered to. 
When the time came for Dad, the local undertaker took the body, whilst i contacted the hospital to make the arrangements. On the day they did not have capacity, but did ask if they could phone around other hospitals to check capacity elsewhere. The donor has to cover the cost of the additional transport, if the body is accepted. I got a call back from Birmingham, who took all the necessary details and gently explained the checks that were needed. After a few hours i got a call to say the cause of death meant Dad could not be accepted. A few days later i received a letter thanking me, and offering sympathies. 
Mum has dementia. Her contract sets out illness which prevent the donation from being accepted. So, when her time comes i don’t need to go through the process, but should remember to get her name taken off the list. 
I’ve worked in a Medical School and have a little experience of the anatomy labs. This unit did not have full bodies, only parts. All were treated with the greatest respect. It is hard to describe, the parts look human, but due to the preservation process the colouring is very different. So if for example a student was working on a limb, it almost looks like it has been crafted from marzipan. Hard to describe, but certainly not recognisable as belonging to a person you once knew, if that makes sense. 

Smodlet

I know my mother, who was a nurse, wanted to do this but was not accepted because she had so many health issues.  I don't really understand why people with less than perfect bodies cannot be accepted for some medical purpose or other but am sure there are reasons.  I would quite like to donate mine but have a feeling it would not be acceptable, either.  Shame as it is probably the last possible money saving act...

There have been some beautiful stories on this thread and I hope they help the OP.

swingaloo

Thank you all for the replies. They have been so helpful and have made me see things quite differently. I showed my husband the thread but perhaps that was not a good idea as he said that he hadn't realised just how badly I felt about it. He started to say he regretted suggesting it as he didn't want me upset. Strangely enough as soon as he started to say he wouldn't do it as it was bothering me I actually found myself encouraging him to go ahead. I think hearing from those who have actually had experience and those who have worked in the teaching hospitals has helped immensely. Just someone giving me the idea of taking a lock of hair has been a welcome thought and hubby has suggested that as he hasn't had it cut right though lockdown that it may be a good idea to do it now and we found ourselves laughing about him being whipped away and me forgetting to do it if we leave it till the time comes. He has also offered me his next tooth from the dentist but I've declined that one. 

So already the conversations have got easier and I'm feeling much better about it. He has said that he will give it a bit longer before signing the paperwork as he wants to be certain I'm ok with it. At the end of the day its really just a case of respecting someone's wishes just as you would if you thought burial was the way to go and they want cremation. He should have what he wants.
Thanks for all the lovely responses.

Mojisola

swingaloo said:

So already the conversations have got easier and I'm feeling much better about it. He has said that he will give it a bit longer before signing the paperwork as he wants to be certain I'm ok with it. At the end of the day its really just a case of respecting someone's wishes just as you would if you thought burial was the way to go and they want cremation. He should have what he wants.

Now that he's raised the issue, you will have time to process it and think about how you would organise a celebration of his life rather than a funeral.

It's something that a lot of people will be doing for the people who died during the lock-down when the family couldn't have a traditional funeral.

DUKE

I saw a programme about this several years ago & decided to do it myself, I've spent a good part of my life on an operating table so thought I'd like to give something back other than just participating in studies & talking to medical students.  Although some people need a funeral, I think they're horrible & would rather do my own thing.  It's not like they're at the cemetery anyway so you can do what you like & in the comfort of your own home, wether you talk to them, party with them, get flowers for them ....