Husband wants to donate his body to medical science, dont know how to feel.

sheramber

swingaloo said:

Thank you all. The replies have certainly helped me to see things in a different light and hearing about how the trainee doctors etc treat the bodies has reassured me. Thinking about it in more depth I think one of the worries I had was that after a death (and I have had several to deal with) there are the funeral arrangements and several things to do which I think keep you busy and helps get the  bereaved through the first few days. Where with the body donation they are just gone and there are no arrangements. He said he doesn't want an 'everyone gloomy funeral' and that our close family and friends should just go out for a nice meal and talk about how awful he was, his words not mine!
I think I need to take all these comments on board and then the two of us can have another chat about it. However strange it may feel to be doing it I do want reassure him that I am ok about him signing the paperwork as it is really what he wants to do and Im quite proud of him for feeling that way.

 It might help you   to sort out with your husband   what you will do  instead of a funeral. That will give you something to focus when the time comes. 
Also, sort out what you want to happen if you should die first.

theoretica

suejb2 said:

I’m an organ donator. I assume you can’t do both?

You can sign up for both, if you want to.

Primrose

How would any medical student complete their training without access to a body and Dissecting it to understand how it functions?  I understand the emotional difficulty of separating this reality from how it would be feel it it was YOUR loved one.  However it,s already a reality now, since a couple of weeks ago, (althiugh many people haven,t yet realised it) that all deaths can now be used for organ donation  unless they have specifically and formally opted out so the same speed of being whisked away rapidly so thwt frwsh living organs can be used and donated would still apply.
i don,t think this is yet happening because of the Corvid pandemic but when it's eased it could start to become a reality anyway for all deaths happening in a hospital environment so we may all have to get used to rather different practices happening on the death of our loved one.
if yiur husband wants to do this take a lock of his hair now, store a favourite shirt with his body odour on it or his aftershave or whatever, and seal these items in a plastic bag now  or whatever encapsulates his memory.
Wait until have received further information abiut  what happens and talk and think about it as often as yiu need to.  Facing up to the death of a much loved spouse is hard, but giving these topics the light of day may make them feel less taboo so that when the time comes, the brain and the emotions are better prepared for coping with those decisions.  It,s having to deal with the unexpected which makes it even harder to cope with.

onwards&upwards

suejb2 said:

I’m an organ donator. I assume you can’t do both?

Its possible to do both, and its definitely possible to sign up for both in the hope that at least one of them will happen. 

Most people don't die in circumstances that make it possible to donate organs. 

onwards&upwards

Primrose said:

 all deaths can now be used for organ donation  unless they have specifically and formally opted out so the same speed of being whisked away rapidly so thwt frwsh living organs can be used and donated would still apply.

That's not the case with organ donation, loved ones can spend time with their relative before and after donation. 

GaleSF63

Your husband may have had this at the back of his mind for a long time. You have only fairly recently had to think about it having probably grown up and gone through life with the widely accepted - death, funeral, cremation/burial, wake, following. 

He has effectively pulled that (accepted) rug  from under you. 

With as much time to think about it as he has had; you may get used to the idea or you may never be happy with it. 

As Sheramber says, it may help to discuss what you would/could do if he goes ahead. 

Primrose

Oh, I wasn't aware of that.   From a practical viewpoint how is that administered to make your loved one acceptable for viewing if, for example they've  asked for physically disfiguring donations like their brain (if they're suffering from a brain impairment like Parkinsons, etc ) or eye donation for example?
I was under the impression that all organs had to be donated quickly because obviously they only have a very limited viable life once death has happened. I think one needs to understand exactly what will happen to one's loved one's physical appearance in such cases, otherwise an enormous additional trauma could be caused. 

onwards&upwards

Primrose said:

Oh, I wasn't aware of that.   From a practical viewpoint how is that administered to make your loved one acceptable for viewing if, for example they've  asked for physically disfiguring donations like their brain (if they're suffering from a brain impairment like Parkinsons, etc ) or eye donation for example?
I was under the impression that all organs had to be donated quickly because obviously they only have a very limited viable life once death has happened. I think one needs to understand exactly what will happen to one's loved one's physical appearance in such cases, otherwise an enormous additional trauma could be caused. 

Generally, people can only donate organs if they are brain dead but their body is still being kept alive on a ventilator and their heart is still beating.  The family can say their goodbyes on the intensive care unit, take a lock of hair, or a handprint, write a message or leave a letter or keepsake with their loved one that will stay with them while they donate. 

That's organ donation, family aren't usually able to view the body when it has been donated to a medical school. 

theoretica

Primrose said:

Oh, I wasn't aware of that.   From a practical viewpoint how is that administered to make your loved one acceptable for viewing if, for example they've  asked for physically disfiguring donations like their brain (if they're suffering from a brain impairment like Parkinsons, etc ) or eye donation for example?
I was under the impression that all organs had to be donated quickly because obviously they only have a very limited viable life once death has happened. I think one needs to understand exactly what will happen to one's loved one's physical appearance in such cases, otherwise an enormous additional trauma could be caused. 

There are specialists who have a lot of skill into making the body look acceptable for viewing, the same as if death followed an accident or surgery.

Brain donation I believe is classed under donating to science, we don't have brain transplants, yet!

suki1964

I think it is a wonderful thing that your husband is planning to do

When a body has been finished with you have two choices, either leave the medical school to dispose of the remains, or ask for them to be returned for your own private arrangements. Here in Northern Ireland we can choose either cremation or burial by the medical school, the cost of which is met by the medical school or we can make our own arrangements for which we pay

Very very few bodies can be accepted for medical research

As for how to get through those few days, you organise a memorial. You can have a full service, have the music you would like etc. Just there will be no casket, just normally a photo on a stand