Getting really demoralised now with the Social Distancing thing.

swingaloo

Just this past week I've become more and more disillusioned with the whole social distancing thing to the point where its really getting me down. I'm finding I'm getting really stressed and irritable and I dont do stress!  but I'm getting quite upset. My husband just tells me to forget about what everyone else is doing and concentrate on just doing what we can and keeping ourselves safe, As he says 'We can only control what we do'.  I know that's right really but Im getting more and more wound up (to probably an unnecessary degree) about other people putting us all at risk again. Im feeling wound tighter and tighter and it doesn't help that there seems to be an ambulance with a blue flashing light flying past several times a day, I hear the siren and watch for what's coming down the road and breath a sigh of relief when its a police car or fire engine and not an ambulance. Hubby has started pulling the curtain across during the day now as he says Im becoming fixated with watching the goings on.
Right through the lockdown both myself and my family have been trying really hard to comply with all the rules. My son has not left the house for weeks as he is in the vulnerable group and we have generally made every effort to safeguard both ourselves and others. All the way through I have seen others just behaving as if nothing was any different from normal. I live on a main road and see groups of people going past on a daily basis and people being picked up/dropped off from cars. The same thing on the occasions I have had to go to the supermarket, there are dozens of people out on the streets.
I watch the Downing Street briefings every day and hear them talk about how the vast majority of the  British public are complying with the rules and I want to scream at them to open their eyes. 6 weeks ago I would have agreed with them but certainly not now.  The photos we see of crowded parks, local beauty spots and beaches make it obvious that people are not staying just in the company of people from their own household. Now we have the news that from tomorrow we can meet up in groups of 6 as if that is going to be something new and great, when in reality a lot of people have been meeting in groups already. Those people who were happy to break the rules before will probably now meet up in even bigger groups. Tonight on the national news there was an article about a packed beach and showing a local councillor who was going round speaking to people and trying to get them to comply. She said every group she had spoken to had claimed to be from the same household. She said her conclusion after speaking to people was that no one cares about the rules and the council were powerless to enforce them. They had a big illuminated sign on the pier asking people to head home as the beach was overcrowded and it was just ignored.
My first thought was that all these people doing their own thing at the risk of exposing the country to a second wave and second bout of complete lockdown are just selfish morons who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Then I started wondering if maybe its just me  that's taking the whole thing to an extreme. If its not just me taking the rules to seriously then what on earth are all those people thinking? Do they truly believe that we are safe now? Do they not care about other members of their family? Do they have no concern for their own health and feel that a day out at the beach is worth 2 months on a ventilator?
 Are they all just stupid, or is it me stupid for over reacting?  Are we really at risk of another peak as the experts keep warning us or are all these people flocking to the beach right? 

Fireflyaway

I agree with you! It is so frustrating trying to do the right thing but then feeling that others are being irresponsible and undermining what you have been doing. People are behaving selfishly. I think it's partly because of the government's mixed and slightly ambiguous messages. Partly because people have got bored of the restrictions and given up and also because many people have not been personally impacted, they don't realise the seriousness. There are a lot of selfish folks about and this pandemic highlights it.
Regarding your own wellbeing, you can't stop others from being irresponsible so continue to protect yourself best you can. I'd also suggest trying to distract yourself. It's not helpful if the corona issue is at the forefront of your mind all day.  Maybe don't watch the updates every day. You could watch twice a week or don't watch it at all and ask your husband to inform you of any major updates that you do need to know. 
Remember that ambulances are back and forth every day anyway. It's probably unlikely anything to do with corona. Even if It was, the person is now in good hands. It could also be a happy event such as a baby on the way! 
Try to distract yourself. Is there an old hobby you could take up? Could you go online and learn a new skill? Painting , a language, yoga, cooking? 
The way I see it is we unfortunately share the planet with some very questionable people! We can't eradicate them so let's ignore them and do our best to live a good life! 

74jax

My mam died of Covid19. I have taken it really bad. It has hit me like a bus. My daughter who is 21, i still haven't been able to hug. She's lost her nana and I can't comfort her. I haven't seen my brother, we can't grieve together. My mental state is very weak and I'm a strong, in control, person.
I can 100%say I have done everything I can to protect myself and MY family.
You say others are putting you at risk, can you control how much you come into contact with them?
My neighbours have had family round in their gardens for weeks, but it's nowhere near me. I also have a weekly click and collect - booked 2 weeks in advance - and work from home so we are pretty much in control of who we come in to contact with.
Rather than worry about other people which you can't control, can you let us know the things you can control and we could maybe come up with suggestions to make you less anxious?
Everyone right now is in this together, so if we can help we certainly will 🌈 

Claddagh_Noir

@74jax I am so sorry for your loss. 

Claddagh_Noir

@swingaloo
I know exactly how you feel.  I have followed the social distancing rules but it does annoy me seeing the crowds of people in the media gathering at the beach, illegal raves,  beaches and not to mention these recent protests!  While being in lockdown I used to see footage of the masses commuting to work either on the tube or in London and it looks alien to me now.  Rather like seeing the Twin Towers for example.
Yesterday, across the road from me, there were about 9 or so teenagers hanging around outside a house, maybe for a birthday party because they were blowing up balloons.    When working from home, my desk is right next to the window on the main road, I can hear people talking or bellowing (in my neck of the woods, people shout when they are right next to each other for some reason).  I am thinking "Oh shut up and go back home! SOCIAL DISTANCING!"
Honestly, some people think they are untouchable or think the rules do not apply to them.

Vegas2010

I understand it's not easy, and must be even harder when shielding someone more vulnerable, but for your own health I'd try to read wider on Covid 19 to try and get more comfortable.
I'm definitely no expert, but the chances of catching it when outside are very low (i think this is part of the reason why advisers were more comfortable with sporting events although i appreciate they're showing an impact from Cheltenham (e.g. due to hotel stays, coach travel etc),) and become fairly minuscule if people are keeping 2m apart. I'd much prefer people to be utilising parks and beaches where there is more space to do this than be pushed inside due to criticism or more likely bad weather where the risk becomes substantially higher. Likewise, if this keeps people out of shops etc it's another positive impact.
The other points to note are that most people are continuing to observe rules seem with stats and anecdotal evidence, and that images and video often posted whether in print or social media are aimed at trying to provoke an often negative reaction (e.g. crowding on the beach when it was being evacuated isn't the normal position, use of photography lenses hide depth perception for other photos so you can't tell 2m).
It's not perfect I accept and there will be plenty of cases of people inviting friends over etc but by and large it is clearly working shown by the stats. Even the constant mentions of VE Day parties/ lack of social distancing so the next wave will be two weeks hasn't been showing. We're three weeks on now and no significant spike in issues.
Definitely take it seriously, it's awful the potential impact having lost a friend, but take the right actions around your behaviour on social distancing, hand washing rather than struggle due to the negativity presented.

Mrsn

@74jax I’m sorry for your loss I cant imagine how hard it must be to try and grieve in these circumstances.

@swingaloo it really isn’t just you. I’m beyond frustrated with the whole thing, my neighbours have pretty much ignored the rules and had people round quiet a bit. My family and oh’s family have been doing their own thing too... we’ve been invited round to dinner from the in-laws 🤦‍♀️. We said no due to the rules in place and we are told but we’re family so it’ll be ok!! Erm no it’s not and you can think badly of us for it but I have 2 auto immune conditions so am limiting what contact I have outside of work (which is with school children so no choice there).

I think that removing yourself away from media exposure weather through the update, social media etc might help right now. You know why you are doing this and you are doing the best you can to protect your family unit! It’s difficult to see others being so selfish and I think partly some of it will be them seeing other people not sticking to the rules so it’s a case of if they can do that then so will I.

Keep talking, don’t bottle it up as that won’t do you any good.

Torry_Quine

Not having been to the park or beach I can't definitively say if people aren't all self distancing. I did see my local beach on the news one day and it had hardly anyone there. 
I rely on buses so not going anywhere but for shopping.

MovingForwards

@swingaloo I had it in my last flat, neighbours and their visitors coming and going at all hours, the ones above had one coughing, then another until it spread throughout all of them, it still didn't change their behaviour, even having the little kids over who caught the cough and took it back to mom and whoever else they live with. Plus all the usual all night parties, drug taking, noise etc.

I had my brother moaning at me about our mom who had suddenly started to go out.

My friends were struggling with isolation, lack of income, reduced hours, getting ill etc.

My OH was going to work as he's a key worker, I didn't know if he would end up getting ill or worse.

Just as lockdown was on the horizon I was sent home to work, within a few days my health nose-dived, I was finished, hit rock bottom, my body shut down and I couldn't physically leave the flat even if I wanted to as I couldn't cope with anything, my pain levels were crippling and the neighbours were still being idiots. 

Every social media / forum was / is filled with the virus as is the news, a lot is click bait headline as not everyone reads through the story to get to the 'facts' they decide to report. But how reliable is what they print anyway.

Do take the advice given about not watching / reading the news, you know what's going on, you don't need minute by minute updates.

You can't change what other people are doing, so do whatever it is you have been doing.

Look after yourself and those at home, f everyone else and their stupidity / being irresponsible.

Marvel1

A few weeks ago, I stopped receiving updates from local town group about the virus, got in my nerves and had helped.

NinjaTune

@swingaloo I share your frustration.  Both myself and my son who lives with me have been working from home for around 6 weeks.  We maintain minimal interaction with the 'outside world' not only to keep us, but others safe.  Since the warm weather kicked in it seems everyone just thinks it's an excuse to get out and act like COVID19 never existed.  Keep doing what you're doing to keep yourself and your loved ones safe x

@74jax you have my utmost sympathy, my Dad died of COVID19 last month.

As you know, with a maximum of 10 people allowed at the funeral you feel like you haven't been able to give them a 'proper' send off.  Family and friends who wanted to be there to show their respect weren't able to do so.  To add to it all, my brother was abroad when lockdown happened and couldn't get a flight home to be at the funeral.  We were able to have a Webcast so people who weren't able to be there in person could join us to watch the service, but it's not the same.  Part of the grieving process is being able to share happy memories and recollections after the service and that can't happen with the current restrictions.  

I can also sympathise with you about your daughter 100%.  One of my sons lives with me so we were able to sit together but my other son lives with his girlfriend so he sat with her 2 rows back.  I should have had both my boys beside me to be able to comfort them as they said goodbye to their beloved grandfather.  Broke my heart not being able to do that.  So sorry you have had to experience the same x