Getting really demoralised now with the Social Distancing thing.

74jax

NinjaTune said:

As you know, with a maximum of 10 people allowed at the funeral you feel like you haven't been able to give them a 'proper' send off.  Family and friends who wanted to be there to show their respect weren't able to do so.  To add to it all, my brother was abroad when lockdown happened and couldn't get a flight home to be at the funeral. 
Part of the grieving process is being able to share happy memories and recollections after the service and that can't happen with the current restrictions.  
I can also sympathise with you about your daughter 100%.  One of my sons lives with me so we were able to sit together but my other son lives with his girlfriend so he sat with her 2 rows back.  I should have had both my boys beside me to be able to comfort them as they said goodbye to their beloved grandfather.  Broke my heart not being able to do that.  So sorry you have had to experience the same x

Thank you. That's amazing you got to have a funeral i am really glad, I think we have started again, I'm not sure. Sadly we weren't able too at the time, but it is what it is .....
We are looking at sorting the house soon..... Not looking forward to walking in. It will be exactly as she left it.... Coffee cup still on side etc...

I think it would help if the op came back with specific things they have to do each day and we can help give ideas to minimise risks? 

NinjaTune

@74jax Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you couldn't even have a funeral for your Mum, that must be so very hard for you x

@swingaloo - do you have a garden?  I've found gardening really relaxing over the past couple of months, also rewarding to see the results.  Do you have any 'craft' type hobbies - knitting, sewing, card making etc.?  Some of my friends have been making items and selling them to raise money for the NHS charities.  It sounds as if you are getting quite fixated on the current situation (understandably) so I'm just trying to think of ways to redirect your focus.

I've been sorting out stuff that I no longer need and putting it on the local 'freebie' Facebook pages, so that's been keeping me busy.  Decluttering always helps to lower my stress levels and it's nice to know someone can make use of things I don't need.

As someone said earlier, we can't control the actions of others no matter how frustrating their behaviour is.

swingaloo

Thank you for the replies, brilliant as usual. 74jax and NinjaTune I am so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine anything worse than not to be able to say goodbye to a loved one properly, it must be awful. 
Ive decided to take on board what everyone has said about distancing myself from the news coverage as much as possible. I don't think it is helping having the information overload. Its a bit difficult as hubby is disabled and he almost lives in front of the tv so its always on in the house and he is one of life's great 'channel flickers' likes to catch the news on every channel if he can but he has agreed we will now avoid the news apart from the evening news. But of course this morning I come downstairs, he is watching the morning programme, he makes me a cuppa and one of the first things I see as I sit down is a news report showing a park left covered in litter from yesterday and all the locals cleaning up, followed by an article about fires caused by people having barbeques in the hot weather on the moors so I removed myself to the back garden for my cup of tea.
I know what everyone means about just looking after yourself and letting the rest get on with it which is all I can do. My issue is that like everyone else I want to get back to whatever normal will be. I want to be able to visit family and have friends round. We have a few days away booked at the end of July, self catering in the countryside and I want to be able to go. I feel that those who are breaking the rules are risking all our lives being disrupted even further.
In the great scheme of things I have no real problems, we are all well. I'm not affected money wise as I retired anyway. I do charity work and I'm missing the interaction I get from that but I have a garden to sit in and everything we need. I have hobbies, I paint (badly), enjoy my garden, do jigsaws and crafting but recently cant seem to settle down to anything. I usually read an awful lot. Its not unusual for me to read 2 or 3 books a week but even though I have a few I haven't read I find myself picking one up and putting it down within minutes which is not like me. I feel very lethargic where normally I'm full of go and always have some sort of project on the go but I'm having a 'cant be bothered' at the moment so I'm probably dwelling on things more than I should.
But thank you all for the replies, I'm glad I'm not alone feeling as I do. I thought I was turning into a grumpy old woman, lol. 
 

Comms69

swingaloo said:

Just this past week I've become more and more disillusioned with the whole social distancing thing to the point where its really getting me down. I'm finding I'm getting really stressed and irritable and I dont do stress!  but I'm getting quite upset. My husband just tells me to forget about what everyone else is doing and concentrate on just doing what we can and keeping ourselves safe, As he says 'We can only control what we do'.  I know that's right really but Im getting more and more wound up (to probably an unnecessary degree) about other people putting us all at risk again. - When you say social distancing, which part do you mean? For example the 2 metre thing isnt real, it's something that was done to be seen to be done. However if it's people crowding on the beaches, i agree it's stupid. Im feeling wound tighter and tighter and it doesn't help that there seems to be an ambulance with a blue flashing light flying past several times a day, I hear the siren and watch for what's coming down the road and breath a sigh of relief when its a police car or fire engine and not an ambulance. - Ambulances might be transporting COVID-19 patients, but more likely to be transporting accidents and injuries. Hubby has started pulling the curtain across during the day now as he says Im becoming fixated with watching the goings on.
Right through the lockdown both myself and my family have been trying really hard to comply with all the rules. My son has not left the house for weeks as he is in the vulnerable group and we have generally made every effort to safeguard both ourselves and others. All the way through I have seen others just behaving as if nothing was any different from normal. - for many people it's not. I work (NHS), so my day hasnt changed all that much, except for not going to the pub. I live on a main road and see groups of people going past on a daily basis and people being picked up/dropped off from cars. The same thing on the occasions I have had to go to the supermarket, there are dozens of people out on the streets. 
I watch the Downing Street briefings every day and hear them talk about how the vast majority of the  British public are complying with the rules and I want to scream at them to open their eyes. 6 weeks ago I would have agreed with them but certainly not now.  The photos we see of crowded parks, local beauty spots and beaches make it obvious that people are not staying just in the company of people from their own household. - they dont have to. That was never a rule.  Now we have the news that from tomorrow we can meet up in groups of 6 as if that is going to be something new and great, when in reality a lot of people have been meeting in groups already. Those people who were happy to break the rules before will probably now meet up in even bigger groups. Tonight on the national news there was an article about a packed beach and showing a local councillor who was going round speaking to people and trying to get them to comply. She said every group she had spoken to had claimed to be from the same household. She said her conclusion after speaking to people was that no one cares about the rules and the council were powerless to enforce them. - pretty much yes.  They had a big illuminated sign on the pier asking people to head home as the beach was overcrowded and it was just ignored.
My first thought was that all these people doing their own thing at the risk of exposing the country to a second wave and second bout of complete lockdown are just selfish morons who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. Then I started wondering if maybe its just me  that's taking the whole thing to an extreme. If its not just me taking the rules to seriously then what on earth are all those people thinking? Do they truly believe that we are safe now? Do they not care about other members of their family? Do they have no concern for their own health and feel that a day out at the beach is worth 2 months on a ventilator? - The vast majority of people will never need treatment for COVID. 
 Are they all just stupid, or is it me stupid for over reacting?  Are we really at risk of another peak as the experts keep warning us or are all these people flocking to the beach right? 

The reality is (work in research, on COVID studies) if there is a second peak, it will happen regardless. The 'lockdown' is there to help slow the spread, not prevent it. There is no vaccine, and limited treatment. This is about not having the NHS overwhelmed all at once. It's expect that people will continue to catch the virus for the next 12 -18 months

silvercar

You have to make your own decisions and respect that others will make theirs. 
If other people want to play with greater risks, that is their choice. We all aren't in this together, for some they are younger/ fitter/ healthier etc and the odds are different. You can't make decisions for them. Control what you can and be happy that you are doing what you are doing for your own family's health.

Morglin

Husband and I are shielded, although we have been venturing out, taking appropriate safety measures.

My dad died, on the 22nd, in a care home.  He has three Covid tests...one positive, one inconclusive, and one negative, so I’m unsure of what killed him, and it doesn’t really matter.

My bugbear was that I, or the family, weren’t able to visit him for 10 weeks, and he died, alone,  with just a carer holding his hand, and the GP, on FaceTime, watching him die and confirming death.  This happened in the middle of the Cummings saga, which didn’t help...I was, and am,  angry at the double standards.

The following day, I saw my heartbroken daughter/his granddaughter at her home, in the garden....if kids come first for government advisers, then mine can also come first for me.

The funeral is booked, only 13 mourners allowed, and I will be going, shielded or not.

It’s all had to be done online and on the phone, and my son, who lives in America, with his family, cannot fly home.

What other people do doesn’t stress me at all though.  That’s their business, not mine.

However, the government  handling of this whole Covid saga, especially with care homes, has angered me beyond endurance.

To encourage hospitals to discharge patients into care homes, without proper testing, just  to empty beds, which is what happened in Dads care home, is to my mind, unforgivable,

Pollycat

I'm not in the vulnerable group but I've only been off my property once since 20th March. OH does the shopping.
We've been quite busy in the garden.
I find it easier to cope if I don't read/watch/listen to endless discussions - both in the media and from friends.
It's best if you can manage to ignore as much of the stuff you can't change - such as the Cummings fiasco and people flocking together.

littlegreenparrot

Whilst I understand your frustration I don't think it's helpful to frame this as a moral issue. 
We all get to make our own risk assessment, just as we do with everything else. Nationally we have to get going again, there comes a point when the harms caused by the lockdown outweigh the benefits.  It's not going away, most of us will probably get it sooner or later.                                                                                                                                                                                      The pictures of all the litter being left are upsetting, being happy you can go and have a picnic doesn't mean you can ruin it for everyone else, but that is a different issue to people going out. 

Just a suggestion for managing the news if it's on in your environment anyway - headphones and podcasts or audio books on your phone. You can potter about in the same space doing your thing, available if necessary, but be absorbed in something else and not have to listen to it. 

NeilCr

littlegreenparrot said:

Whilst I understand your frustration I don't think it's helpful to frame this as a moral issue. 
We all get to make our own risk assessment, just as we do with everything else. Nationally we have to get going again, there comes a point when the harms caused by the lockdown outweigh the benefits.  It's not going away, most of us will probably get it sooner or later.                                                                                                                                                                                      The pictures of all the litter being left are upsetting, being happy you can go and have a picnic doesn't mean you can ruin it for everyone else, but that is a different issue to people going out. 

Just a suggestion for managing the news if it's on in your environment anyway - headphones and podcasts or audio books on your phone. You can potter about in the same space doing your thing, available if necessary, but be absorbed in something else and not have to listen to it. 

Good post

What I have found demoralising as someone who lives on their own is the loss of social contact. My partner lives separately from me and it's been very difficult to see her - she has her six year old granddaughter living with her which can make it hard for her to get out. Her son is there, too, but he is a key worker who works long hours. We didn't see each other for six weeks and the same with other friends. Yes you can FaceTime, WhatsApp etc but it isn't the same as being with people. I live in a seaside town and the beaches and parks get packed (bad time of the year for this) so, frankly, seeing her in her garden when we were not supposed to was  in our minds, probably safer anyway. Didn't need the loo 

I do, also, find it strange that I can have a cleaner in the house but not my partner

I think there are extremes here. Those tightly following the guidance, those flouting them completely and then there is a mass in between who are doing one or two things "wrong" but doing so with common sense

sammyjammy

I'm not cross about it but I am saddened, its all so disrespectful to those who have been hospitalised or have and continue to die, along with their families.  There have been parties in my street over the weekend.  We can't control what others do but for sure we'll never look back and say I was too cautious!
My parents and all my family live over 300 miles away so there is no temptation for me.  Hopefully the time will come when I can visit, luckily I saw most of them in Wales in February half term.