Wedding anniversary whilst separated

Fireflyaway

My husband and I have been together 17 years but in January he moved out. It was due to some dissatisfaction regarding our relationship but a big part (he tells me 60%) of it was due to his mental health. He has said all along that he hopes we can address the issues and get back together.
So our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up and I'm unsure what to do. I mentioned it to him and his response was that it's still our anniversary, we are just currently working on some issues.
 Being 10 years I don't want it to pass unmarked but I feel it needs to be an understated celebration / acknowledgment given the circumstances! 
Any ideas what to do or what might be a suitable gift?  I've got a card that is nice but not over the top. Really stuck for a gift idea though and whether we should do something in person ( if restrictions allow by then). Has anyone been in this situation or have a good idea? 

74jax

I'd just give the card.

If you get back together celebrate then and do gifts etc.  But at the moment it seems a bit strange (to me) to celebrate being married for 10yrs when separated . 

thorsoak

Personally, I wouldn't give a card or a gift - if he is feeling mentally fragile, any card or present might be construed as pressure on your part.  As the other poster says, maybe have a card and present in case.

MovingForwards

I wouldn't bother either, didn't when I was in the same situation as it felt odd. As it was my ex didn't even remember it was our 'anniversary', which said a lot.

What is your husband doing to resolve everything as all I see is you trying to find answers for everything and nothing about your husband found a solution for X.

Claddagh_Noir

I would not bother either. 

NinjaTune

Must be a weird situation for you, feeling like you need to acknowledge it but not really knowing what to do.  Five months is a long time to be separated and still not sort out your differences, with or without lockdown.

Personally I would acknowledge it with a card and leave it at that. If, in the meantime, he suggests meeting up (restrictions allowing) then perhaps a small gift pertinent to his interests.  What would you have got him if you hadn't been separated?

Socajam

Give him some flowers and a card

onwards&upwards

I wouldn’t do anything for him.  He left you.  

If you want to do something just for you on that day you should do whatever you want (within lockdown rules of course!)

Pollycat

As you've already broached the subject with him, I'd give him the card you've already bought and leave it at that.

I wouldn't buy him a gift as that may make him feel bad if he hasn't bought a gift for you.

If by 'do something in person' you mean go out somewhere together, I think you'd need to talk that over between you.

Fireflyaway

Thanks everyone. Even when we were living together we were never one for big gifts or celebrations so it's not that we would have been throwing a party or anything.  The card sounds appropriate. Maybe some chocolate that I know he likes. The point about not putting pressure on him is very apt. I don't want to appear needy or cause him to feel guilty. 
MovingForwards - motivation is difficult for my husband. With his depression he is finding it difficult to take action ( our relationship, work, etc). I do feel I am the one taking the lead in trying to sort things out but when I check it's what he wants ( I don't want him to just go along with me!) he says it is. As a couple we have always been slow in getting things done so 5 months for us is not surprising. I don't want it to drag on too long though. My husband did start counselling but further sessions were cancelled. His medication review was also cancelled. However he has found an unexpected love of cooking! He really enjoys it and finds it relaxing so that's good. 
We would have gone to a new restaurant in town but it's closed. Maybe delaying the celebration / acknowledgment is the best way. As much as I don't want this landmark to pass without acknowledgment, celebrating a ' happy marriage' would be fake. 

MovingForwards

Fireflyaway, you may not like some of what I'm going to say, but if you were one of my friends and sat in my lounge right now, this is what I would be saying
(I have supported friends who've tried to salvage relationships, some had counseling alone too, I've been supported when mine went belly up, all of us came out stronger)

This is what I've been trying to get at all along, you alone cannot work through everything, it takes two to make a marriage work, it takes two to resolve issues.

I do understand depression and the problems that brings to a marriage, but stop using it as a reason to do everything, nothing will change unless you are both on board.

It's great your husband has found cooking to be enjoyable. Has he ever made an extra portion to drop to you so you can try it? 

Your husband has his own place / space, has freedom to do what he likes, when he likes and only answers to himself. It's great for him as he doesn't have the responsibilities you are carrying. He won't be in any rush to move back. 

Who is the first person to text or call when you make contact?

Aside from trying to save the marriage, what are you doing for yourself?
When did you last think 'sod this....
I'm having a long bath, 
going for a walk,
sorting out my clothes as I've not had a clear out for ages, 
baking my favourite cake / biscuits as I wouldn't normally as husband doesn't like them
Insert your own examples....

It's wonderful you are trying so hard, but at the same time what are you getting out of this? Ok, your husband gives you whatever money you want, but what else?

I sit here and read every thread you put up, every comment you make in them, but never once are they about you, it's always your marriage and making changes to who you are. After 17 years of being together, it's natural to lose part of you, but this is a fantastic opportunity to find yourself again.

As much as you want to save your marriage, you must think of the alternative too. Who knows, if you start doing that your husband may realise what he is losing and that may be the wake up call he needs. 

I am seriously worried that you are setting yourself up for a big fall, then you will be trying to pick up the pieces and finding your feet, when you could be doing both now. That way if your marriage works itself out, great, if it doesn't, you have already made headway.