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Wedding anniversary whilst separated

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Wedding anniversary whilst separated

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FireflyawayFireflyaway Forumite
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My husband and I have been together 17 years but in January he moved out. It was due to some dissatisfaction regarding our relationship but a big part (he tells me 60%) of it was due to his mental health. He has said all along that he hopes we can address the issues and get back together.
So our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up and I'm unsure what to do. I mentioned it to him and his response was that it's still our anniversary, we are just currently working on some issues.
 Being 10 years I don't want it to pass unmarked but I feel it needs to be an understated celebration / acknowledgment given the circumstances! 
Any ideas what to do or what might be a suitable gift?  I've got a card that is nice but not over the top. Really stuck for a gift idea though and whether we should do something in person ( if restrictions allow by then). Has anyone been in this situation or have a good idea? 
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Replies

  • thorsoakthorsoak Forumite
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    Personally, I wouldn't give a card or a gift - if he is feeling mentally fragile, any card or present might be construed as pressure on your part.  As the other poster says, maybe have a card and present in case.
  • MovingForwardsMovingForwards Forumite
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    I wouldn't bother either, didn't when I was in the same situation as it felt odd. As it was my ex didn't even remember it was our 'anniversary', which said a lot.

    What is your husband doing to resolve everything as all I see is you trying to find answers for everything and nothing about your husband found a solution for X.
  • Claddagh_NoirCladdagh_Noir Forumite
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    I would not bother either. 
  • NinjaTuneNinjaTune Forumite
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    Must be a weird situation for you, feeling like you need to acknowledge it but not really knowing what to do.  Five months is a long time to be separated and still not sort out your differences, with or without lockdown.

    Personally I would acknowledge it with a card and leave it at that. If, in the meantime, he suggests meeting up (restrictions allowing) then perhaps a small gift pertinent to his interests.  What would you have got him if you hadn't been separated?
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  • SocajamSocajam Forumite
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    Give him some flowers and a card
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    As you've already broached the subject with him, I'd give him the card you've already bought and leave it at that.
    I wouldn't buy him a gift as that may make him feel bad if he hasn't bought a gift for you.
    If by 'do something in person' you mean go out somewhere together, I think you'd need to talk that over between you.
  • FireflyawayFireflyaway Forumite
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    Thanks everyone. Even when we were living together we were never one for big gifts or celebrations so it's not that we would have been throwing a party or anything.  The card sounds appropriate. Maybe some chocolate that I know he likes. The point about not putting pressure on him is very apt. I don't want to appear needy or cause him to feel guilty. 
    MovingForwards - motivation is difficult for my husband. With his depression he is finding it difficult to take action ( our relationship, work, etc). I do feel I am the one taking the lead in trying to sort things out but when I check it's what he wants ( I don't want him to just go along with me!) he says it is. As a couple we have always been slow in getting things done so 5 months for us is not surprising. I don't want it to drag on too long though. My husband did start counselling but further sessions were cancelled. His medication review was also cancelled. However he has found an unexpected love of cooking! He really enjoys it and finds it relaxing so that's good. 
    We would have gone to a new restaurant in town but it's closed. Maybe delaying the celebration / acknowledgment is the best way. As much as I don't want this landmark to pass without acknowledgment, celebrating a ' happy marriage' would be fake. 
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