Wedding anniversary whilst separated

onwards&upwards

It sounds to me like it would be better for all of you to call it a day.  No more living in limbo, your child would have some certainty, you could move on, he can address his mental health issues in his own time and for his own reasons which is the only way it ever works. 

Imagine how things might be for you and your child in a year or 5 years from now if you cut the string and start putting yourself and your child first.  Then imagine how things might be for the 2 of you if he keeps dragging his feet, coming back, leaving again, not committing to getting the treatment he needs?

Fireflyaway

Thanks everyone. It does feel as though I'm the one encouraging him along. If the issue was he was drinking, doing drugs or gambling etc, I think I would have given up by now. Because it's mental health and the illness makes him tired and unable to find the motivation to make changes it seems wrong to give up on him. However I acknowledge he has to be the one to make changes. He often has an excuse why he is waiting. At the moment it's Corona virus. I know that limits some things but there are lifestyle changes he could make regardless. I suspect he has been putting off getting to the bottom of things because it's going to be painful. I have a feeling there is stuff from his childhood that I don't know about that may behind his depression. His method has been to try and block out his feelings and hope he will somehow just feel better. If he doesn't take action nothing will change and he will be sad and alone in his little flat until the end of days. 

MovingForwards

I did type and post another response, but that appears to have vanished, in a way its a good thing.

Your OH has signed a year long tenancy agreement, not 3 months or 6 months but 12 months, that does put a completely different slant on everything.

It's great you want to support him, reading across all three recent threads and your comments, he doesn't want help, he isn't ready to get help and kept making excuses. 

Regardless of what illness be it drink, drugs or mental health, until the person is ready to get help, nothing can be done. 

Your life has been in limbo for what 5 months? 

How long are you going to wait? A year? 2? 10? Meanwhile your life is passing, your kid is in limbo when should be enjoying being a kid.

Arrange dates and times for your kid to see your OH, you start making plans for a happy home for you and your child, save for that holiday, save for a home for the two of you and any other dreams or plans you want. 

If you get back with your OH, great, if you don't at least you haven't remained in limbo.

Fireflyaway

The tenancy was offered for a year but with a 6 month break clause. I questioned him at the time that 12 months seemed a long time but he said he doesn't have to stay that long and could use the break clause. 
A few years back he took a job that was a step up in responsibility and money but too far away to commute to. He rented a flat there. He said it would be temporary, maybe 2-3 months but it went on for 2 years. We only saw each other at weekends. I was happy to stand by his decision but I did feel it was unfair on our child. So with that in mind, even if he does stay away for a year, given how slow we both are at doing things I wouldn't be shocked. I wouldn't like it, but wouldn't be shocked. If however I don't see any changes after lockdown is lifted then I think I have to face it's not going to happen. 
I'm starting to get savings together and have been looking at holidays. Housing is a tough one. I can't afford to buy anything in our area. I could move to a smaller rented house but it's unlikely they would accept pets. Maybe it's a case of waiting until our child leaves home and then getting a caravan?! 

MovingForwards

You don't have to buy in the area you rent. That's the good thing with starting over.

There's also shared ownership, as long as you can staircase to 100%.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you do make a decision soon.