A lightbulb?-Now MM's 5 in 4 challenge!

MidlandsMum

Got home from spending my last few pennies on dinner for tonight (I dont get paid till tomorrow) to a bank statement. We're being charges 67 pounds for going 67.99 overdrawn at the start of last month. Like a fool I burst into tears down the phone at the bank. Then I called my Mum and admitted how much debt we are in. There was a sharp intake of breath. That's it, now, though. I know if I ever feel like splashing out at all now I will have Mum on my shoulder reminding me I can't afford it.

Looks like the Topshop card will have to wait until after Xmas.
I'm going back to the Doctors next week (Yes, I'm on anti-depressants - I started taking them last year when I got so upset and stressed about the Bank charges court thing I started to consider all sorts of horrible stuff) and I'm going to have to tell him I'm in a bit of a mess. I've not cried so much in years. You know, part of me can see why people in debt do all sorts of strange things, like pretending to drown in their canoe in the sea and stuff. :rolleyes:

louise3965

Oh love, you could have been us 2 years ago. Sometimes you do need to get to rock bottom - you cannot possibly carry all this on your shoulders. You will make yourself ill. Things can get better, and people CAN change x

MidlandsMum

Right, payday.

The bills account is better than I expected, but I think I may have forgotten to pay something along the line. I will see when the bill comes, I suppose. The spending account is another story. I'm away this weekend at an awards thing on the Queen Victoria, so the bank account is at the mercy of my OH and the kids. My night is all paid for and I bought my outfit before I realised how bad things were. Have paid a chunk off the marbles card and will settle the TopShop one when I get the bill toward the end of the month. Still dont know how I am going to cope with the 67 charges coming out of the spending account two days before Christmas, but I hope my Mum will help me out if push comes to shove before next payday if I am really struggling, since she knows the situation I am in. I've also confided in my sister, who I work with, and she has been really understanding that I cant afford to go to her birthday meal tomorrow night. I've decided that as the bills start coming in I am going to make myself a sig on here so I can see them coming down little by little.


OH has announced he's going on a golfing weekend in Wales at the end of Feb. I told him he better start saving now, so he's agree to save the 30 pounds he gets every two weeks for giving guitar lessons plus the cash he will get from his Mum for his birthday in Jan. I still get the feeling I am very much in this alone, but as long as I keep an eye on what I'm doing hopefully he will take notice.

I showed my 11 year old DS how to use his internet banking today, how to check his balances and transfer money between his current account and saving account. I'm not ashamed to admit I felt a bit like a fraud, showing my boy how to handle his cash when I cant even handle my own.

Lemon_Tree

don't feel a fraud showing your son the ropes, you are giving him a skill for life, and you ARE trying to find a way through this, you're just not getting all the help you need.
At least you'll get lots of support here, good luck with the doctors visit as well.

churchrat

hello MM, and welcome to the right place. you have got a lot on your shoulders and starting to deal with it when you seem to be saying that you are doing this alone is very difficult. I know that you are going to the drs and that is the right thing to do, but you already seem to know why you are depressed. many drs ahve counselling available --is that an option for you? also, have you considered going to Relate or Marriage Care? you will have to pay someting but this is dependant on what you can afford. you have said that your OH understands the money probs but then says he is going away in Feb and so obviously he has not had a lightbulb moment. until he does you are doing this alone. perhaps you could try not paying his credit card bills and spending the money on the kids instead?
((((((hugs)))) to you MM. do not mean to be harsh and sorry if thats how it sounds but like many on here I have been there

WesternExpress

Hi just a thought, why not get your other half to be in charge of all the finances, perhaps when he has to find the money to buy the milk he'll find it easier to understand where he is going wrong and to take responsability for things. And it would leave you less stressed about it all.

MidlandsMum

In charge of the finances? We'd be on the streets! I cant even trust him to pick the little one up from school! He fell asleep on the sofa (been on earlys) when I was on a 12-6 shift. The youngest walks home (it's just round the corner) with the eldest on normal days, but the eldest is having topup maths lessons for his SATS and stays at school on Thurs til 5. Anyway, I text him in the morning to remind him and at 4pm I get a call at work telling me no-one had come to pick up my little one! (he's 8). Once in a blue moon I ask him to sort the kids and that happens! I'm just hoping beyond hope he copes on Monday morning when I'm away and neither of them end up at school in pyjamas with no lunch!

In other news. Managed to get my eldest's iPod Nano for 89.90 from the Curry's site, plus 5% back from Quidco,:A so that's saved me a tenner! (Have budgeted that toward my kitten's first trip for her jabs in just over a week) Have next week off work, so I can hang around quite happily for them to deliver it anytime. :T

millionaire_in_training

Hi mm. I have just read this tonight and am feeling for you. A few years ago I could easily have written your first post as that was my life. OH got pocket money - I got worry, He had a social life- I had the kids, He did whatever he wanted - I did what I was told and what needed done. I would love to be able to tell you we worked it out and all is well but I got promise after promise that he would help me out and he always let me down when the moneysaving meant he had to do without. I tried giving him the shopping money and telling him to do the weekly shop. He bought some food and 24 bottles of beer and was all pleased with himself until I asked where the nappies were :mad: . Guess who had to go cap in hand to their mother for the money for the kids nappies. Not him lol. This is only one example of a million examples and hopefully your OH will come to his senses. My OH is now someone else's OH and her problem now and not mine . I'm still skint but at least these days I know why. I hope it works out for you good luck x

WesternExpress

Aw, good luck with everything. Remember you aren't alone and you don't have to do everything yourself. I feel that he may have a lack of confidence in taking responsablity that's if he understands about it all.

MidlandsMum

Well, back from my very DFW weekend away. A gourmet meal, a luxury room to stay in and and as much champagne as I could manage without falling over and I still came back with change from a tenner! I do love my job sometimes. However, the bank balance isnt looking so great this end. somehow, this weekend, he has managed to spend around 130 pounds and I really dont know what he's spent it on. I now have about 280pounds to last the rest of the month after his spending money has been deducted. The barclaycard bill came in, I must have forgotten to pay it, so that is 178 pounds that the bill account doesnt have, plus 68 in charges from one account and 75 from the other, all due to come out in the week from Christmas and new year. I really dont know how I'm going to cope. Plus I havent got all of the kids gifts yet. I only need to spend about 50 on both of them to even everything up, so it may have to be the catalogue. Plus my car has decided, after 3 years of being the most wonderful little runaround, to start playing up. I think one of the pipes in the radiator has frozen. I dont need this. I really and truely dont need any of it. I just want to run away. I'm running out of options here and I dont know where to turn.