Told my boss I can’t cope and he told me to take annual leave

oneninezeropop

Thanks for the replies everyone. I got in contact with another manager and they’ve been a world of support. The company is offering a lot of mentoring/support during these times but also generally. They’ve also highlighted that my boss isn’t going certain KPI which will also help with my motivation and production. 

I’m reading back on these past posts and it’s funny how things can work out in a good way just by asking for support. 

[Deleted User]

If you have a specific complaint about other employees then you need to raise that with their/your manager, if you do not have specific complaints and they are doing nothing wrong, but you "can't cope" with them then it is a mental health issue. Most managers in large organisations now are required to notify employees of the mental health first aiders and to contact their GP if someone complains of not being able to cope, it falls under the company's duty of care guidelines.

As a manager, non-specific mental health issues such as "can't cope" are a real nightmare to deal with because there is no issue in that to be fixed and it usually means that the person needs far more help than a manager could be expected to provide. 

Going forward I would always recommend people are as specific as possible about their issues at work, it makes them much more fixable and usually results in better outcomes, as well as making the process easier.

yksi

Let's make sure we understand the issue here. You think the place is an unhappy atmosphere, you can't cope with how the place makes you feel, your manager doesn't seem willing/able to correct the disharmony that you feel when you're at work, nor correct all the things that people are doing which make you unhappy, but it's not actually case of bullying that can be disciplined away, you're just not getting along with people and you don't like the place.

To be candid, the problem is you. You can't cope = you are the one with the problem coping. Or more accurately, you are just not a good fit for this workplace. That's very, very different from being unable to work due to anxiety or clinical depression caused by the workplace itself, and so I can understand why you don't wish to be signed off sick, because you don't feel like you're actually unable to work, you just feel like it isn't healthy for you to continue the way things are.

I'm not saying the office hasn't got its faults, but we don't live in a world where every person is well-suited to every workplace. Look after your own happiness first and get out. You can't expect the issues to be solved, it's a bit like saying you expect football to be solved because you would prefer it to be played with a hockey puck - it is not necessarily that the whole workplace is wrong, it just isn't right for you. That's not because you're in the wrong, it's only because we aren't all omnipotent. Pick your battles, this one isn't worth all the stress it is causing you, because even if they fixed everything, the office would all hate you because you caused them all annoyance trying to get it fixed. And the atmosphere would then still be toxic.

Good luck with your job search. 

oneninezeropop

The thing is, when someone tells you their experience unless you know the tone and can interject with questions.... how are you supposed to really understand? People omit things or they say things in a way to paint them as a certain way. 

I can expect my boss Manage people, that’s their job. 

And yes this is a battle I’m picking. If I’m telling my work place I’m stressed because of CV and current work environment, I would expect them to help me. The CEO expects the managers to support staff - all my boss needed to do was find out what the company offers and guide me. He gets a managers salary - if he’s telling me to take time of or to Take sick leave - i don’t think his manager would approve. 

John_

oneninezeropop said:

Thanks for the replies everyone. I got in contact with another manager and they’ve been a world of support. The company is offering a lot of mentoring/support during these times but also generally. They’ve also highlighted that my boss isn’t going certain KPI which will also help with my motivation and production. 

I’m reading back on these past posts and it’s funny how things can work out in a good way just by asking for support. 

I’m glad that you are getting the support that you need.

Remember, it may be as much (or likely more) about helping you deal with things as they are rather than changing them.

I’ve used job coaching before, and they rightly focus on the things directly in your power to change, so please don’t feel they aren’t trying their best if there’s little to nothing about changing how others interact with you.

What you will, hopefully, pick up though are ways to not engage unnecessarily with people who just want a moan. 

Nebulous2

One way to deal with people who moan at work is to opt out whilst making it about you - not about them. For example when people are agitating for money for electric. “That’s not something which concerns me, I am happy I’m still being paid during this crisis.” 

That avoids telling other people what to do or think, while telling them where you are at. Eventually people realise it isn’t worth trying to draw you into their conniving because you don’t play. Saying they should be happy will be a red rag for many people, while saying you are is much more neutral. 

JWM

Nebulous2 said:

One way to deal with people who moan at work is to opt out whilst making it about you - not about them. For example when people are agitating for money for electric. “That’s not something which concerns me, I am happy I’m still being paid during this crisis.” 

That avoids telling other people what to do or think, while telling them where you are at. Eventually people realise it isn’t worth trying to draw you into their conniving because you don’t play. Saying they should be happy will be a red rag for many people, while saying you are is much more neutral. 

This!

But also remember - these people are not your friends (unless you choose to make them so). Its quite alright to say 'there is no need to copy me in on any emails, its not my concern' or just to ignore any moaning.

I am not part of the Office Gang, I think these people are silly and dull so I choose not to engage with them unless I really have to. I'm sure they are not that keen on me either but it doesn't matter, we get on with the job and are civil to each other. That's just office life.

I would say though that you are assuming you manager has more power than she actually does. If you can't do the job you can either leave, learn to do or if you really must, sign yourself off sick. By far the best solution is to leave!