After years of debt journey through my sensible 40s... and save a deposit for a house

lantanna

Thanks Maggie, yes I agree there is a black cloud hanging over everybody at the minute and it is very wearing! There is not much light or fun around at the minute, everything is ver6 serious. Good idea about the weekend I’ll see what I can think of.

Sarahwithlove

It's difficult times so it's important to try and take time out for yourself. 

lantanna

Definitely it’s surreal the year we have all had. I have so much to be thankful for so  I should really be counting my blessings. 

I’ve just paid my car insurance so that’s good, first time I’ve ever paid it off in one go.  One more day of work this week to go. Might do some meal planning this weekend and flicking through the new pinch of nom book to see if I can be inspired to make something from it. Have Brigerton to watch as well and The Crown to finish so will probably tackle that. 

Looking forward to getting paid next weds for my savings standard orders coming out and being able to update my signature with over 6k in mortgage deposit savings. Been in that 5 K bracket far too long. Now that the car insurance is pad focus is on filling the car service pot which currently has £20 in it. 

lantanna

Fedup.com what a miserable day, if there is any dry weather over the weekend I must ray and get out for a walk, try and blow the cobwebs off

lantanna

Really been struck down hard with depression this week resulting from the total lack of regard Management have shown me in how they communicated the job situation to me. Feel like I’m walking in really strong wind or on quick sand, everything is such an effort, just want to sleep all the time. Don’t even have the energy to go out to the bin. Sounds quite extreme but that’s honestly how I feel, depression is so debilitating, it’s not just feeling low and you can’t just snap yourself out of it. I do know it will pass, I just need to rest for now and have a mental break. Been watching travel vlogs all day. When I’m like this I find anything that isn’t factual or serious hard to concentrate on.  

I look forward to reading back over my diary in months to come and having moved forward positively but for now I just have to ride it out.

lantanna

Typical woke up early this morning so of course I’m tired now. Watching location, location location.  Came across a a FB post last night from a charity looking for items that we have surplus of in work. So I’ve donated them, it was to help a young mum in need.  Told my mgr I was doing it after lol. Sod them. Tbh it was the only thing cheered me up yesterday. The way I’m feeling today saving for a deposit now seems futile but I know that’s just the depression talking and I’m ignoring it.  Haven’t spent a penny this weekend and after watching Michael Moseley on this morning I’ve decided to try the Fast 800 starting on Monday, well a modified version. I’ll not survive the weekend without some alcohol or treat food of some sort so I’ve decided to do the Fast 800 Mon - Thurs and have a more relaxed but still quite healthy Weekend, will see how that goes.  Will give it a go next week and see what happens.  Won’t do me any harm having something else to focus on.  I didn’t realise how much my job was part of my identity and maybe that lies a problem within itself. Think pmt is also playing on me I feel like a good cry is on the cards at some point. Let’s hope tha4 doesn’t happen in public. I’ve been looking at volunteering opportunities and at the minute I’m too exhausted to be much good to anybody but I’ve identified that as something to look into in the near future.  I’m 41 and anything I’m qualified to do I can’t see myself doing or enjoying in the future. I’m sure many people hit that point in life. I can only describe how I feel as having the rug pulled out from under your feet moment. 

Buffythedebtslayer

I am really sorry depression has reared its ugly head. It is very hard to ignore it. When it does for me, I try really hard to stick to my plans or systems - in fact I make a lot of them automatic - so obviously the bank payments, but Alexa (!) also has reminders to do things to keep me going and make sure I have a routine. I think you are doing really well making the plans. I know it can be hard to see it but this well change. I tell myself I haven't always felt like this and therefore I won't always feel like this. 
Hope you feel better soon
Also really impressive savings XX

lantanna

Thank you it’s nice to hear that from someone who also knows what it can be like. 

Aspiration

Buffythedebtslayer said:

I am really sorry depression has reared its ugly head. It is very hard to ignore it. When it does for me, I try really hard to stick to my plans or systems - in fact I make a lot of them automatic - so obviously the bank payments, but Alexa (!) also has reminders to do things to keep me going and make sure I have a routine. I think you are doing really well making the plans. I know it can be hard to see it but this well change. I tell myself I haven't always felt like this and therefore I won't always feel like this. 
Hope you feel better soon
Also really impressive savings XX

It’s really good you’re sharing how you’re feeling and try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s a really challenging time and completely understandable.

I can also relate about deciding what tv to watch, whenever I’m feeling like that I always go for something safe like a property programme or replay of a classic. 

Aspiration 

lantanna

Thank you Aspiration, over the years I’ve learnt how to recognise the signs and manage myself as such.  Something my younger self didn’t have the benefit of. Yep currently watching a programme about people moving to Australia and looking for properties. Well done on your debt repayments!  Wishing you well on the rest of your journey