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I'm so lost, the pain is unbearable!!!

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onlyfoolsandparkingonlyfoolsandparking Forumite
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What can I say, I'm reaching out to fellow animal lovers at what is a terrible time for us as a family. Yesterday morning we lost our beloved King Charles cavalier at 06:25, we are heartbroken and the tears are full flow writing this. She was our first dog and we were blessed in having her in our lives for just over 9 years but I know 9 years is still young even for her breed and it seems like the time has flown. She was a Ruby and so beautiful, such a gentle girl, never bit anyone, never even snarled at anyone even when the kids tormented her when they were young, she was the best dog I've ever known and I'll never be able to replace her, wouldn't want to in fact.

We got her when she was 8 weeks old from a reputable breeder, she was the runt of the litter and she just looked at us with those big friendly eyes that cavaliers have and we melted. We brought her home and she was the usual puppy chewing everything in sight, having little accidents here and there but we worked with her as one should and she was going outside to toilet in no time, she was so clever. The first 7 years of her life went well, she went everywhere with us she really became part of the family and we wouldn't go anywhere without her, I don't know why I'm writing this I don't visit this part of the forum usually but I noticed others had posted about loss and so thought it would be ok. I know its not a good time for us all at the moment with this Coronavirus and lockdown and we were getting through day by day but what a change now! 

So for 7 years she was great a real character so beautiful, I know we're all biased about our own pets but she really was beautiful, you could really tell she was a girl compared to a boy cavalier and she had girl character traits, so lady like in the way she strutted around and interacted with other dogs. Think of 'Lady and the tramp' that was our Coco. The reason I mention 7 years is one night she looked in pain, struggling to breathe wouldn't settle wasn't able to lie down, we took her to the emergency vet they diagnosed a leaking heart valve (common in her breed apparently) we paid for a scan by Cardiologist to confirm and it was confirmed stage 4 out of 6. They gave her oxygen therapy over a few days and started her on medications, Vetmedin, Cardalis & furusomide. We picked her up a few days later it was great to see her again, so great in fact she flooded the vets floor when she saw us. 

The vet told us in more detail what condition she had, he said she could live on between 6-18 months, we were devastated but accepted it. We cherished her even more in the days ahead but as I said in the beginning she died yesterday at 06:25 and devastation doesn't describe how we feel currently. She actually came upstairs at 05:50 came into our bedroom she was wheezing badly and we tried to comfort her, we carried her downstairs lay her on the rug talked to her stroked her and her heart just stopped it was awful.

What still has me in amazement is how she found the strength to climb the stairs and wake us, its as if she wanted us with her to say goodbye to us I don't know. I think she died peacefully as I told the vet what happened and he said if she wasn't yelping or whimpering yes she died peacefully, I really hope so as the pain we're all feeling right now is as I say unbearable. 

Love to you all in these trying times, cherish your pets (as I'm sure you all do) and if you've got this far thank you for reading.
The real meaning of life is the pursuit of happiness and avoidance of pain:rotfl:


  • onwards&upwardsonwards&upwards Forumite
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. xx
  • edited 29 April at 2:30AM
    TimeTravelTimeTravel Forumite
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    First Post
    edited 29 April at 2:30AM
    Hi, I only posted today my first post (different thread)  and saw your post. Maybe I was meant to see your post and I hope it brings you a tiny amount of comfort. I was in exactly your situation five years ago. My Cavalier boy, Chippy who I also had since eight weeks old was also diagnosed with heart failure aged seven and passed away in my arms aged 9.5.  I could easily have written your post five years ago. He was a Blenheim and the sweetest and most loyal companion I could have ever wished for. His photo is on my bedside cabinet and although with time, the pain has subsided I look at his photo and it brings me comfort knowing that he lived life to the full and we spent nearly ten happy years together like you and your family did. I suffered terribly in the weeks after he died and one night I dreamt of laughing, playing and running around with him in a field full of flowers. It may sound silly, as it was only a dream but it brought me comfort and closure. You will never forget Coco and I hope as time goes by you will find closure and be comforted by fond memories of her.
    take care x 
  • onlyfoolsandparkingonlyfoolsandparking Forumite
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    Thank you so much for your kind words, they are a big help at this still very raw time and yes our stories are so similar. What happened to your boy proves to us both that we couldn't have done anything different and that helps a lot. I did everything I could for her as I'm sure you did, the heart problem is sadly inherent in the breed, I found that out on our visit to the emergency vet, they were very good and explained a lot to us about heart murmurs and the problems it causes. We used up all of our insurance cover with the private scan, they wouldn't pay any extra for her meds and they cost us £60 a month but I didn't care I would have happily paid £600 a month to keep her well. I'm just very grateful for the extra 21 months we had with her and I knew she would leave us one day as all animals do, just didn't think it would make me feel so sad. I'm starting to think this lockdown is adding to the pressure but not our Coco's fault she just had to go, she did look tired over last few months and her cough was getting worse so we knew in our heads, just didn't want to accept it.

    I like your thoughts on your dream, really nice and not silly at all. Thank you again for your kind words, we definitely do have fond memories of her and will remember how much joy she gave us.
    The real meaning of life is the pursuit of happiness and avoidance of pain:rotfl:
  • mac.dmac.d Forumite
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    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Sorry for your loss but thanks for sharing the story of your lovely dog. 

    I was clearing out some stuff at home yesterday and ended up looking through some old photo albums. All the pets we've had through the years brought a tear or two to my eyes, but also lots of lovely memories. x
  • mcpitmanmcpitman Forumite
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    Sorry for your loss
    Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking....
  • KatiehoundKatiehound Forumite
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    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Here I am sobbing- I lost my best ever dog over 12 years ago, so although time heals, to a certain extent , you never forget, and why would you?
     Now you have to remember all the good times.

    It probably would  help you to talk to someone who understands. You can contact the BlueCross bereavement service- freephone, I am assuming they are working normally as this service (used to be at least) manned by trained volunteers from home

    Take care

    Being polite and pleasant doesn't cost anything!
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    Many thanks

  • TripleHTripleH Forumite
    614 posts
    500 Posts First Anniversary
    I still remember when my dad had our dog put to sleep (i was a child and the dog had been around before I was born). I howled and shouted at my dad before running and crying in my room. What I'd do to have time with either one.
    Not being heartless, but time does help heal and there will be someone else out there to allocate the unused love to.
    Wherever you go, whatever you do Richard Marx is right there waiting for you.

    Sweet dreams!
  • sherambersheramber Forumite
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    Sixth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Sorry for your loss.She will be waiting you at Rainbow Bridge

    Treasured Friend

    I lost a treasured friend today
    The little dog who used to lay
    Her gentle head upon my knee
    And shared her silent thoughts with me.

    She’ll come no longer to my call
    Retrieve no more her favourite ball
    A voice far greater than my own
    Has called her to his golden throne.

    Although my eyes are filled with tears
    I thank him for the happy years
    He let her spend down here with me
    And for her love and loyalty.

    When it is time for me to go
    And join her there, this much I know
    I shall not fear the transient dark
    For she will greet me with a bark.


  • boxer234boxer234 Forumite
    71 posts
    10 Posts
    Sorry for your loss.  My girl boxer died from a heart attack aged just 3 last year.  I really struggled after.  Time does help the tears are replaced with smiles and happy memories.  I second the blue cross they were a fantastic support to me.  Be kind to yourself take it one day at a time. 
  • gettingtheresometimegettingtheresometime Forumite
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    I'm sorry too for your loss and what everyone has said previously I'd echo.

    we lost our beagle suddenly last year and I've never experienced grief like I experienced then. My advice would be if you need to cry then cry. She may have had 4 legs but she was still a member of your family.

    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared :) thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
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