Help please...messy divorce

unholyangel

UnicornGirl81 said:

Thank you to everyone for your advice. I got in touch with a solicitor yesterday. I have an initial appointment via telephone booked in for Thursday so I can get a better idea of what I should do. 

I don’t want to fight dirty with him and wish it would just be more amicable. But I’ve got to protect my children’s future. 

Unfortunately it takes two for things to remain amicable and from what you've said, your husband isn't all that amicable at all and no matter what sort of reasonable suggestions you make, he's could fight you every step of the way. 

What might help is encouraging him to get legal advice - it should help adjust his expectations if he has someone legally qualified who rubbishes his 37.5k idea and tells him the starting point is 5050. What I don't understand is his assertion that if you don't accept 37.5k he will be going for 50% of everything. If you accepted 37.5k then he would be getting more than 50%. 

Or is it that your inheritance will be vast and he's trying to leverage you into accepting less on the house so that he doesn't claim on your inheritance? Inheritance can form part of marital assets in england (not in scotland except for the very limited circumstance of conversion), it would depend on particulars. 

pphillips

UnicornGirl81 said:

Thank you to everyone for your advice. I got in touch with a solicitor yesterday. I have an initial appointment via telephone booked in for Thursday so I can get a better idea of what I should do. 

I don’t want to fight dirty with him and wish it would just be more amicable. But I’ve got to protect my children’s future. 

It's in both your interests to keep the situation amicable and come to an agreement with the help of mediation and your solicitors.
Legal fees will start to rise very rapidly if the issues have to be battled out in court.
The longer the legal fight goes on,  the less you will both be left with when it's over.

Sistergold

Hello there. 

Don’t be bullied by him not signing the papers. Can you afford to live in the house by yourself? Could you buy him out? I am afraid that divorce and amicable are two words that seem to struggle to be in the same sentence. 

If he wants to settle you for your share of the house then he should not treat you like you don’t know your rights by giving you your deposit back. House needs to be evaluated and you get your share at market price. About the inheritance since he already knows about it chances are he will make a claim anyway so best just wait and see about that and accept it if it’s established that he has a claim. Stand your ground about the house and other assets  but accept that everyone loses in a divorce. 

When I left my ex I also had 4 children and was mid 40s. I was so fed up with the marriage I just demanded half as getting more would have meant more arguments than we were already having about just selling the house and other things. But as I only asked for 50/50 he agreed but still made it as slow as possible as I was the one who left him in the house. I did see a solicitor and she advised me that going to court about anything will take most of whatever I was fighting for and could drag for long and might not even win. Basically it became obvious that half was better than more if I had to go to court. I think courts are okay if very rich. 

I also am the one with the children and I must say after much struggle he just decide what he wanted to give me for child support and I just left it at that figure. The marriage was such a nightmare I just wanted the end of it all. The maintanance he gives for the children is about what I would get through a claim I think so just accepted that. You can check how much Mantanance on the child support website if you know roughly how much he earns so I think my ex used this thus avoiding me making a claim. 

Good luck 

UnicornGirl81

Update on the situation. 

Husband has now acknowledged the divorce and has responded. So that’s good!

I’ve got my telephone call with the solicitor today. 

Just asking for advice on what I need to clarify with them? My head is still all over the place with planning the funeral etc. 

It’s likely that my inheritance will come after the divorce is finalised. 

Thanks in advance 😊

Malthusian

As I understand it the inheritance would form part of the matrimonial assets if:

- it was intermingled with the existing matrimonial assets, e.g. transferred to joint names or used to pay joint expenses

- or your ex will need the money to meet his needs and that of the kids when he has them.

The first clearly isn't the case as you haven't even had it yet. That leaves the second, and we don't know what the courts might decide as we don't know what your living circumstances will be after the sale of the house. But if he has enough money to afford a decent-sized place to live and look after the kids on your worknights, my understanding is that he would not have a claim on your inheritance.

Naturally your solicitor will be able to advise you better than we can.

vitaweat

pphillips said:

UnicornGirl81 said:

Thank you to everyone for your advice. I got in touch with a solicitor yesterday. I have an initial appointment via telephone booked in for Thursday so I can get a better idea of what I should do. 

I don’t want to fight dirty with him and wish it would just be more amicable. But I’ve got to protect my children’s future. 

It's in both your interests to keep the situation amicable and come to an agreement with the help of mediation and your solicitors.
Legal fees will start to rise very rapidly if the issues have to be battled out in court.
The longer the legal fight goes on,  the less you will both be left with when it's over.

^^This^^
Much better for the money to go to you and your ex rather than lawyers.  Ultimately the mediation and lawyers have a pretty good idea of an outcome.  Take their advice if at all possible.

UnicornGirl81

Sistergold said:

Hello there. 

Don’t be bullied by him not signing the papers. Can you afford to live in the house by yourself? Could you buy him out? I am afraid that divorce and amicable are two words that seem to struggle to be in the same sentence. 

If he wants to settle you for your share of the house then he should not treat you like you don’t know your rights by giving you your deposit back. House needs to be evaluated and you get your share at market price. About the inheritance since he already knows about it chances are he will make a claim anyway so best just wait and see about that and accept it if it’s established that he has a claim. Stand your ground about the house and other assets  but accept that everyone loses in a divorce. 

When I left my ex I also had 4 children and was mid 40s. I was so fed up with the marriage I just demanded half as getting more would have meant more arguments than we were already having about just selling the house and other things. But as I only asked for 50/50 he agreed but still made it as slow as possible as I was the one who left him in the house. I did see a solicitor and she advised me that going to court about anything will take most of whatever I was fighting for and could drag for long and might not even win. Basically it became obvious that half was better than more if I had to go to court. I think courts are okay if very rich. 

I also am the one with the children and I must say after much struggle he just decide what he wanted to give me for child support and I just left it at that figure. The marriage was such a nightmare I just wanted the end of it all. The maintanance he gives for the children is about what I would get through a claim I think so just accepted that. You can check how much Mantanance on the child support website if you know roughly how much he earns so I think my ex used this thus avoiding me making a claim. 

Good luck 

He has acknowledged the divorce and responded so that’s one worry gone!
If the benefits calculator is correct, with tax credits, my wages, dla for dd2 and child benefit. I can continue to afford to live in the house until it sells. 

When I get my inheritance I could buy him out if I wanted to. 

I don’t want to stay here though to be honest. But I could sell up and move elsewhere. 

He is looking at private rents as we speak. He is as keen to move out as I am for him to go. 

He basically wants me to accept the £37500 and said he’ll make no claim on the inheritance. I’m not sure how much I can trust if this though! I’m going to ask the solicitor if it was written in the financial order would it be accepted. That way I know for sure that we are both coming away with financial security for the future. 

He will be giving me money towards the children at a much more reduced rate than I’m entitled to. I’m being beyond reasonable to be honest. 

Thank you 😊 

UnicornGirl81

Malthusian said:

As I understand it the inheritance would form part of the matrimonial assets if:

- it was intermingled with the existing matrimonial assets, e.g. transferred to joint names or used to pay joint expenses

- or your ex will need the money to meet his needs and that of the kids when he has them.

The first clearly isn't the case as you haven't even had it yet. That leaves the second, and we don't know what the courts might decide as we don't know what your living circumstances will be after the sale of the house. But if he has enough money to afford a decent-sized place to live and look after the kids on your worknights, my understanding is that he would not have a claim on your inheritance.

Naturally your solicitor will be able to advise you better than we can.

He earns £35000 a year where as I’m taking a reduction in hours so I can look after the kids. I’ll be taking home £6500 a year. But hoping to claim benefits to top it up so I can live here until it sells or I get the inheritance. 

He will be private renting with his eldest son who is 20. So they’ll be able to afford something big enough for the kids. 

pphillips

Child support is not normally dealt with in the financial order and will require an informal agreement or if you can't agree, by going through the Child Maintenance Service.

Malthusian

UnicornGirl81 said:

He basically wants me to accept the £37500 and said he’ll make no claim on the inheritance.

Demanding a greater share of the existing assets than he's entitled to, on the threat of going after your incoming inheritance if you don't agree, is making a claim on the inheritance. Money is money.