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Help please...messy divorce

My husband and I have been separated for months. I’ve filed for divorce to which the acknowledgment came yesterday.  
We have discussed about the financial agreement and child arrangements (we have 4 children together and own the house joint mortgage)
(pay off both sides of debts from sale of house then split remaining 50/50) and was going to proceed with a solicitor to get this drawn up. 
He has came home today and is refusing to sign the divorce papers. He wants to give me £375000 to take my name off the mortgage (this was my money for the deposit) or he won’t sign the divorce. 
The house is probably worth £290000 and there is £150000 outstanding in debts mortgage included. 
I will be coming into some inheritance in the next few months which he is stating he will make a claim to. 
He said if I don’t agree to take the £375000 then he will fight for 50% of everything. 

Just after some advice on what I should do. It was all amicable and I thought we were both in agreement until today. 
Please help I really don’t know where I stand....
thank you. 

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Comments

  • Also should state that I met someone else after I told him I wanted a divorce to which he’s saying I have committed adultery. We had no physical contact just messaging and it was after we were separated. We are still living in the same house due to the virus but have been sleeping in separate rooms for months. 
  • pphillips
    pphillips Posts: 1,631 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    It is not essential for your husband to respond to the divorce as you can still proceed with it by providing written evidence to the court that he has received the petition. This application will be for deemed service using form D11, there is a £50 fee to pay.

    The financial and child issues are dealt with separately from the divorce, mediation is usually required before a contested application can be made to the court.
  • Pppphillips said:
    It is not essential for your husband to respond to the divorce as you can still proceed with it by providing written evidence to the court that he has received the petition. This application will be for deemed service using form D11, there is a £50 fee to pay.

    The financial and child issues are dealt with separately from the divorce, mediation is usually required before a contested application can be made to the court.
    Thank you
    Do I have to prove he’s received them as he’s taken them and hidden them. 
  • pphillips
    pphillips Posts: 1,631 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 23 April 2020 at 9:26PM
    Pppphillips said:
    It is not essential for your husband to respond to the divorce as you can still proceed with it by providing written evidence to the court that he has received the petition. This application will be for deemed service using form D11, there is a £50 fee to pay.

    The financial and child issues are dealt with separately from the divorce, mediation is usually required before a contested application can be made to the court.
    Thank you
    Do I have to prove he’s received them as he’s taken them and hidden them. 
    You should be able to satisfy the court by providing a witness statement outlining your knowledge as to what you saw and heard that shows your husband received the petition.
  • bouicca21
    bouicca21 Posts: 6,719 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Get yourself over to wikivorce for some preliminary financial advice and support.

    It is unlikely that an inheritance you do not actually have yet can be regarded as a marital asset.  Plus a lot is going to depend on the ages of the children and with whom they will live.  Do you both work? Do you need a period of retraining to get back into work?  Do either of you have occupational pensions? Insurance?  All these things matter.

    Accusations of adultery aren't going to give him any advantage.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Also should state that I met someone else after I told him I wanted a divorce to which he’s saying I have committed adultery. We had no physical contact just messaging and it was after we were separated. We are still living in the same house due to the virus but have been sleeping in separate rooms for months. 
    The reason for divorce makes no difference to the outcome. 

  • Voyager2002
    Voyager2002 Posts: 16,349 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker

    We have discussed about the financial agreement and child arrangements (we have 4 children together and own the house joint mortgage) (pay off both sides of debts from sale of house then split remaining 50/50) and was going to proceed with a solicitor to get this drawn up. 
    He has came home today and is refusing to sign the divorce papers. He wants to give me £375000 to take my name off the mortgage (this was my money for the deposit) or he won’t sign the divorce. 
    The house is probably worth £290000 and there is £150000 outstanding in debts mortgage included.
    Are those numbers correct?
    If the house is worth £290K with shared debts of £150K that leaves equity of £140K to divide between you (and the shares may not be equal if you provided the deposit). So if he want to pay you £375K for your share, why would you refuse?
    More generally, what difference does it make to you if he buys you out, or if you receive the same amount of money from the sale of the house? Either way, you end up with the same lump sum but nowhere to live.

  • Alias_Omega
    Alias_Omega Posts: 7,916 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited 24 April 2020 at 11:03AM
    I am going through a divorce.

    My top tips -
    1. Please seek legal advice, even just the free 30mins.
    2. You will fall-out with your ex. The three things you will argue about will be "Money, the Children, Houses"
    3. Contact the CSA and sort the maintenance through them, even if you have an agreement between you. The CSA (or Child Maintenance Service) will use last years P60 to calculate the rate.
    4. Think about your needs for the future. Do you need a large house, can the children share bedrooms? What is the minimum you need! not the minimum you want.
    5. Think about his needs for the future. What does he need for the children.
    6. You should be looking at coming away with - A Lump Sum, plus Child Maintenance, plus Spousal Maintenance.
    7. Sit down and calculate the financial agreement yourselves if you can. You may pay £10,000 on each side to sort an agreement through the courts.
    Do not worry about the divorce reasons, its just a piece of a paper with a reason for divorce.

    I am 8 months from separation, i have moved out, filed for divorce, received decree nisi and sent of the financial consent order. The next step is the court ordering the "consent order" and then the "decree absolute" being issued. Hopefully less than 12 months..


  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I am going through a divorce.

    My top tips -
    1. Please seek legal advice, even just the free 30mins.
    2. You will fall-out with your ex. The three things you will argue about will be "Money, the Children, Houses"
    3. Contact the CSA and sort the maintenance through them, even if you have an agreement between you. The CSA (or Child Maintenance Service) will use last years P60 to calculate the rate.
    4. Think about your needs for the future. Do you need a large house, can the children share bedrooms? What is the minimum you need! not the minimum you want.
    5. Think about his needs for the future. What does he need for the children.
    6. You should be looking at coming away with - A Lump Sum, plus Child Maintenance, plus Spousal Maintenance.
    7. Sit down and calculate the financial agreement yourselves if you can. You may pay £10,000 on each side to sort an agreement through the courts.
    Do not worry about the divorce reasons, its just a piece of a paper with a reason for divorce.

    I am 8 months from separation, i have moved out, filed for divorce, received decree nisi and sent of the financial consent order. The next step is the court ordering the "consent order" and then the "decree absolute" being issued. Hopefully less than 12 months..


    Some corrections:
    1. Seek legal advice, but dont double down. You invest in solicitor, other party does too and only winners are the solicitors. Maintain the same level as your ex.
    2. I might fall out with your ex. It depends if both of you can be adults.
    3. CMS*, it's been CMS for years now. There is literally no reason to contact them if you can sort it out yourselves, literally terrible advice.
    4. Yes need should be the primary driving factor; if there's kids involved both of you put their needs first!
    5. Same as 4. Both puts kids needs first.
    6. Spousal maintenance - well maybe if OP is disabled, but it's unlikely. If that's the advice you're getting, get better advice.
    7. Through solicitors*, court is mandatory in a divorce. 


  • pphillips
    pphillips Posts: 1,631 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Just to provide clarity regarding what others have said about solicitors:
    A solicitor is required to agree a consent order with your husband.
    A solicitor is optional if an issue has to go to court because you and your husband cannot agree.
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