Broody Boyfriend!

geekgirl

Hi. I reckon even if you guys had been together for 10 years if you feel you are not ready he should back off just a little bit and give you more time to think about it. He has made himself perfectly clear that he wants a baby and is willing to step up when it happens. But give yourself time. To be honest there is never an ideal time to schedule a baby cos there is always something that could be better in an ideal world but if you feel like the time is not right then hold your horses. Plenty of time for you to have baba's.

Also (not saying this is the case) if your other half is slightly insecure he might see it that he is sealing your relationship by having a baby.
Good luck girl.

vixarooni

Heya,

I probably wont be much help and i hope i dont sound patronising here, but i definatly would wait a few years longer. Im 21, and thinking back to when i was 19 is so different to what i am like now 2 years down the line. You do sound older for your years but you gotta think, mentally am i ready to teach my child everything it needs to know, will i be able to buy it toys and education, are you and your fiance as strong as you think you are?

I can sympathise, i think nature is a poo sometimes. Ive been with my boyfriend two years, and i would get married and have 5 kids all tomorrow if i could. Trouble is i know mentally that my partner and i wont get married untill 3 years down the line, so i child is even further away!

What i also think is that you do wanna do everything you wanna do in 5 seconds, nearly everyone i know is engaged and sometimes i think it would be great to be engaged, but i still have that to look forward to, where as the engaged people dont. Thats the same as you and you friends having babies. You just gotta tell that broody man of yours that good things comes to those who wait, you wanna get a good career going, get some money behind you, a good nest to raise your children and a secure happy home. Then babies babies babies!

Good luck with your future and sorry for my babbiling (babies, marriage and men are my favourite subjects lol)

Keeping_Positive

Your head is in the right place please wait. I had my first at 19. She wasnt planned and we had no idea of how much it would change our lives. My OH was almost 10 years older and we both had to grow up fast. I wouldnt change a thing now as we have three wonderful children but I do think how our lives could have been different.

If he keeps persisting it is a sign he isnt mature enough to be thinking of the praticalites. The line about only loving his own is daft. The looking after a little one is not about loving the baby but how you both look after and care for the baby especially when they arent happy.

You can read and try to prepare as much as possible (which is a v good idea) but no one can fully understand what having a baby is like until youve gone and done it!

Good Luck

MadDogWoman_2

Hi Foreversomeday,

Could you raise the issue of what would happen with you as a couple if it turned out if either one of you or both of you had fertility issues?

I'm raising the issue as I've been with my DH since I was 18 and he was 31, we wanted a family right from the off too but decided to wait until we had our own home and were married.

We got married when I was 22 but it took us 8 years to have a baby, we had all the fertility treatment available including IVF.

Fertility issues are a huge strain on a relationship especially when it's linked to dodgy hormones, all the poking, prodding and hospital visits on top of the monthly disappointments.

It has made us stronger but there have been a lot of rocky times.

DH is 44 now and has all the energy and patience in the world to play with and care for our DD.

My fertility issues didn't raise their ugly heads until after I came off the BCP.

Just another point of view.

MDW

skint_spice

My last ex was very similar to your boyfriend but I think a lot of it stemmed back to his folks splitting up and wanting to create his own family. I'm older and have one child already but there was no way I would be pressurised into doing something I wasn't 100% sure of - kids are fantastic but a huge committment and really not like they appear in the ads. although your partner may say he'd love his own it won't make it any less irritating when he's woken in the middle of the night by a colicky baby.

Garnet_Gem

No matter what he promises, wait until YOU feel you want to have a baby. 10 months is not enough time to judge how things are working out. I'd wait till you have lived together for 2 years. During that time you'll both be able to find out if you are truly compatible. Remember that a child ties you to someone forever. If he loves you he'll wait.

[Deleted User]

I was married and 23 when I had my first. We`re still happily married 37 years later but retrospectively 23 was much too young. At 19 you should be exploring life. Don`t do it. It isn`t all a fairytale. It is jolly hard work and life CHANGING

donny-gal

Far too son and too young. At 19 couldn't stand the sight of my DH of 34 years. At 21 a different story. We had nearly 12 years having fun "practicing", so I was 33 and DH 35 when DS was born, we had had our fun going out and was ready to give our time to him. I know at 20 40 seems old but at 56 it seems young!

BTW who said 6 months of no sex - more like 6 weeks!

Does he want YOU or a baby. And who consider a child if there is no commitment from him, ie "sort of engaged?"

DG

Running_Horse

donny-gal wrote: »

And who consider a child if there is no commitment from him, ie "sort of engaged?"

Agreed. At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, if he can't make that committment properly, are you sure he wouldn't get tired of a screaming, puking, !!!!!! baby?

As for age, I became a dad at 40 and definitely don't feel too old. My daughter will benefit from my maturity and life experience.

OogaBooga

I'm 29 and my first is 9 months old. I was quite grown-up at 19, but there's no way I'd have been ready for this until now.

The rest of yor life goes on hold and you'll have now time to do the stuff you currently enjoy. Now's the time to enjoy yourselves, travel the world etc.

It's also a big responsibilty. All these young mums you see with tearaway kids don't have the life experience to be proper parents, as they're pretty much kids themselves.